Anybody Know Any Good Jokes?

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Drunk goes up to the beat cop. Ocifer, someone stole my car! And the cop says well where did you leave it? Drunk says right on the end of this here key! the cop explains well there's some paperwork. The precinct he says pointing east, is just two blocks down. They can help you with the paperwork and get this up and running for you Thank you so very much, Ocifer said the drunk. Your welcome said the cop, and oh you might want to zip up your fly. The drunk looks down. Damn, they got my girl too.

Cheers
 
He came down stairs. She was just putting in the eggs for their regular soft boiled eggs and toast breakfast. She was wearing absolutely nothing but one of his white button-down oxfords that she loved to sleep in. She turned from the stove, approached him aggressively, pushed him onto the kitchen table and made mad passionate love to him. Wow, he said, what was that all about? Oh, she said, the egg-timers broken.
 
BostonTim said:
He came down stairs. She was just putting in the eggs for their regular soft boiled eggs and toast breakfast. She was wearing absolutely nothing but one of his white button-down oxfords that she loved to sleep in. She turned from the stove, approached him aggressively, pushed him onto the kitchen table and made mad passionate love to him. Wow, he said, what was that all about? Oh, she said, the egg-timers broken.
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Perfect. Stealing. :)
 
BostonTim said:
He came down stairs. She was just putting in the eggs for their regular soft boiled eggs and toast breakfast. She was wearing absolutely nothing but one of his white button-down oxfords that she loved to sleep in. She turned from the stove, approached him aggressively, pushed him onto the kitchen table and made mad passionate love to him. Wow, he said, what was that all about? Oh, she said, the egg-timers broken.
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You don't want to spoil them.

Just sayin'....
 
BostonTim said:
He came down stairs. She was just putting in the eggs for their regular soft boiled eggs and toast breakfast. She was wearing absolutely nothing but one of his white button-down oxfords that she loved to sleep in. She turned from the stove, approached him aggressively, pushed him onto the kitchen table and made mad passionate love to him. Wow, he said, what was that all about? Oh, she said, the egg-timers broken.
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I told this one to my wife but changed it to two-minute egg timers. She laughd a little louder than I was comfortable with.
 
paperhanger said:
Joe Lyin" Biden!
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Yeah, remember last year when he said COVID wouldn't be a problem would go away magically all by itself and then later admitted he know it would. Freaking liar. Jokes on him, though.

(the OP's above jest and other political jokes have been up for a couple of days, so I assume political jokes are acceptable. if not, mods please just delete them all.)
 
TipRoast said:
"A Spoonerism is just another kind of pad bun." said Tom, as he mounted his well-boiled icicle and wode array.
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I thought spoonerism was what a couple passes off as sex after their 30th wedding anniversary??
 
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