Anybody Know Any Good Jokes?

OSUBuckeye

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2005
Messages
10,277
Reaction score
2,156
Points
113
Location
Livin

The king of a country has planted a razor in the queen's vagina in order to find out which guard she is cheating with.​

renderTimingPixel.png


in the evening, while she is sleeping.
Next day comes, and he orders them to get undressed to check on their penises, and sees that each one's was cut except for a single one's. The king yells:
  • Finally, a loyal guard to his king and country! All of you traitors should have followed his example! Guard, you will be rewarded with a piece of fertile land with many animals, enough gold for your descendants, and the title of Thane! the guard only replies:
  • Fank you wery muff, ssire!
 

OSUBuckeye

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2005
Messages
10,277
Reaction score
2,156
Points
113
Location
Livin

A little boy’s parents were getting divorced and he was in front of the judge....​

“Well, little boy, I’ve decided you’re going to live with your mother.”

“NOOOOOOOOO! Not my mom! She beats me!!!!!” Screamed the kid.

“Oh. That’s terrible. Ok. Well, your father, then.”

“NOOOOOOO! Not my father! He beats me, too!”

The judge was totally perplexed. He has never had this problem.

“Well, son, who would you like to live with?”

“The NY JETS. They don’t beat nobody.”
 

spacecrime

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 2, 2007
Messages
7,269
Reaction score
1,723
Points
113
Location
Down the lane
The urge to sing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" is always just a whim away... a whim away... a whim away... a whim away!
 

Giant Octopodes

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 29, 2015
Messages
1,236
Reaction score
647
Points
113
Location
Michigan
I once had a joke I knew which I thought was good. But as it turns out, it was actually the evil twin.
 

foobahl

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 6, 2007
Messages
4,466
Reaction score
2,075
Points
113
Location
the only Henniker on earth
Hugz
4

A horny gorilla sees a lion bent over a small stream, taking a drink. [NSFW]​

renderTimingPixel.png


Longnsfw
A horny gorilla sees a lion bent over a small stream, taking a drink.
The gorilla runs up behind the lion, grabs on, and has his way with him. The gorilla then takes off running, with the very angry lion on his heels. As they run through the jungle, the gorilla gets a bit of a lead, and sees a British safari camp ahead.
The gorilla enters the camp, grabs some khakis that are hung out to dry, and puts on pants, a shirt, and a hat. He sits on a chair by the campfire and grabs a copy of the local paper, pretending to read, to hide his face.
The lion enters the campsite and lets out a huge roar. He yells, "did anyone see a gorilla run through here?"
The gorilla, in full disguise, calls out, "you mean the one that fucked the lion up the ass?"
The lion exclaims, "oh my god! It's in the paper already?"
 

AnOldTroll

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 10, 2005
Messages
5,189
Reaction score
1,741
Points
113
Location
America's Finest City
I went to the doctor cuz my pecker is turning orange... he told me to quit eating cheetos.

-----

I have told a lot of women how nice their breasts are.
Do you know how many times I have heard nice balls?
NOT ONCE, NOT EVEN ONE TIME.
Gender equality?
I don't f'ing think so!
 

OSUBuckeye

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2005
Messages
10,277
Reaction score
2,156
Points
113
Location
Livin

Two vaginas are having a conversation​

The first one asks : "I've heard you can't orgasm, is that really true?"

The second one replies : "Not at all! The ones saying that are just badmouthing me..."
 

OSUBuckeye

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2005
Messages
10,277
Reaction score
2,156
Points
113
Location
Livin

A lady called her gynecologist and asked for an “emergency” appointment.​

The receptionist said to come right in. She rushed to the doctor’s office, and was ushered right into an examination room. The doctor came in and asked about her problem.

She was very shy about her emergency problem, and asked the gynecologist to please examine her vagina.
So the doctor started to examine her. He stuck up his head after completing his examination.

“I’m sorry, Miss,” he said, “but removing that vibrator is going to involve a very lengthy, delicate and expensive surgical operation.”

“I’m not sure I can afford it,” sighed the young woman. “But while I am here could you just replace the batteries?”
 
Top