A man and a woman are getting drunk in a bar and arguing over who is better, women or men. Finally, the woman says, "I bet I can piss higher on a wall than you can." The man, seeing he can't lose, takes her bet. They go outside to the ally and the woman hikes up her skirt, bends over and pees on the wall about 3 feet up. She is proud of it and offers the man his chance. He unzips his pants and begins aiming when the woman says, "Nope. No hands!"
A lady comes home from her doctor's appointment grinning from ear to ear. Her husband asks, "Why are you so happy?" The wife says, "The doctor told me that for a forty-five-year-old woman, I have the breasts of an eighteen-year-old." "Oh yeah?" quipped her husband, "What did he say about your forty-five-year-old ass?" She said, "Your name never came up in the conversation."
A husband exclaims to his wife one day, "Your butt is getting really big. It's bigger than the BBQ grill!" Later that night in bed, the husband makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off. "What's wrong?" he asks. She answers, "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?"
I'm a bit nervous. Last night, I was overly tired while playing scrabble, and inadvertently swallowed a bunch of scrabble tiles, thinking I was grabbing some wheat thins. Went to the doctor today, and he said my next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.