Anybody Know Any Good Jokes?

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A boy is invited to Thanksgiving dinner at his girlfriend’s parent’s house so that they can meet him.

They’ve been together a while but haven’t had sex yet.

His girlfriend tells him that after he meets her parents they can “get intimate”. So in preparation, he decides to get some condoms at the local drugstore.

As this will be his first time, he doesn’t know anything about condoms and so he asks the pharmacist what he should buy.

The pharmacist explains all about the differences between the brands and after a long chat the boy decides on a large box of “ribbed for her pleasure”.

The time comes for the Thanksgiving dinner and the young couple are seated at the dinner table with the girl’s parents.

The girl is surprised to see the boy has his head bowed down apparently deep in prayer.

She whispers to him, “I didn’t know you were so religious!”

He whispers back, “I didn’t know your father was a pharmacist.”
 
A couple were driving home from Thanksgiving dinner at their friend’s house when they hit a skunk. The wife jumped out of the car and was relieved to find the skunk wounded but alive.

She picked it up and took it back to the car saying to her husband, “We need to take it to a vet. It’s shivering; it must be cold, what should I do?”

Her husband replied, “Put it between your legs to keep it warm.”

“But it stinks!” she said.

“So hold its nose!”
 
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A young boy discovers his first swear words on Thanksgiving Day.​

A young boy discovers his first swear words on Thanksgiving Day. After aggravating his mother, he's sent outside to play. In the yard, he overhears his neighbors fighting: "You bitch!" "You bastard!" Astounded, he runs back inside and asks his mother, "Mommy mommy! What is a bitch and bastard?"

With a blush she stammers, "Well, bitch is a fancy word for a lady and bastard is a fancy word for a gentleman. Now run upstairs and tell your sister to get ready for dinner."

He quickly runs up to his sister's room and hears strange noises coming from behind the door. He curiously puts his ear to the keyhole and hears "Yes! Put your cock in my pussy!" Astounded, he runs to his father and asks, "Daddy daddy! What is a 'cock' and 'pussy?'" In the midst of shaving, his father explains, "Well, a cock is a hat and a pussy is a coat."

"Oh!" the young boy replies. "I wish I had a nice pussy to use for Christmas!" Taken aback at his son's use of his new vocabulary, he cuts himself across the cheek. "Shit!"

"Daddy? What's 'shit?'"

"Ummmm, 'shit' is the brand of shaving cream I use. Why don't you see if your mother needs help in the kitchen?"

Confused but overjoyed to learn so much in a day, the boy runs downstairs, prepared to thrill his mother with his knowledge. "Momma!"

Surprised, she cuts herself across the hand. "FUCK!"

"Momma, what's 'fuck?'"

"Well, sweetie, 'fuck' is a special way of carving the turkey so everyone gets a slice."

At that moment the doorbell rings.

"That must be your grandparents. Answer the door please while I bandage this up."

The boy runs to the door, flings it open to find his grandparents on the front stoop. Without a moment to spare, he greets his guests:

"Good afternoon bitches and bastards! May I take your cocks and pussies? It's just me right now. My father is upstairs wiping shit off his face and mother is in the kitchen fucking the turkey!"
 
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