Anybody Know Any Good Jokes?

The coroner rushed to the murder scene where the detectives and CSI were waiting for him. He immediately saw the victim hanging by a rope from a maple tree and as he approached he saw blood everywhere and 8 or nine stabwounds on her chest. He also saw two bullet holes directly into her heart. Rarely was he effected by violent crime scenes, but he was shocked.

We wanted you to see this before we brought her down said the detective. Obviously any one of these things could have killed her. I know it's early, but on first blush, any thoughts?

Easy said the coroner, worst damn case of Covid I've ever seen.
It's not a "joke" per se, but there is a local guy, who calls himself NobodyCaresAnthony who does regular posts on Tiktok whereby he takes random
stupidity he finds on the internet and tools on it and the replies. I haven't seen all of them, but I think he is one of the funniest web people I've seen
and I'm sure we have all seen plenty of material in our 'Net travels.

This was one of my favorites and will give you the idea. Enjoy. Also, if you liked this one and want to see more, just click his PROFILE on the embed and
you'll be able to go down the rabbit hole.

<blockquote class="tiktok-embed" cite="
" data-video-id="7121912647607586094" style="max-width: 605px;min-width: 325px;" > <section> <a target="_blank" title="@nobodycaresanthony" href="TikTok">@nobodycaresanthony</a> REPOST REQUEST <a title="fyp" target="_blank" href="#fyp | TikTok">#fyp</a> <a title="fypシ" target="_blank" href="#fypシ | TikTok">#fypシ</a> <a title="greenscreen" target="_blank" href="あなたが探しているGREENSCREENの動画はこれ?|TikTok">#greenscreen</a> <a title="trending" target="_blank" href="#trending | TikTok">#trending</a> <a title="viral" target="_blank" href="#viral | TikTok">#viral</a> <a target="_blank" title="♬ original sound - NobodyCaresAnthony" href="NobodyCaresAnthony - original sound | TikTok">♬ original sound - NobodyCaresAnthony</a> </section> </blockquote> <script async src=""></script>
Twenty Years Ago A woman awoke during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. She put on her robe and went downstairs. He was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appeared to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She saw him wipe a tear from his eye and take a sip of his coffee. "What's the matter dear? Why are you down here at this time of night?" she asked. "Do you remember twenty years ago when we were dating and you were only 16?" he asked. "Yes, I do," she replied. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making out?" "Yes, I remember." "Do you remember when he shoved that shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter or spend twenty years in jail?'" "Yes, I do," she said. He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, "You know...I would have gotten out today."

I have a Philosophy joke, but its hermeneutical significance is ontologically ambiguous.

An old man was sitting on a train...​

across from a blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt. Despite his efforts, he was unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs. To his delight, he realized she was going commando

She saw him staring and inquired, "Are you looking at my vagina?"

"Yes, I'm sorry," he replied and promised to avert his eyes.

"It's all right," she replied, "It's very talented, watch this, I'll make it blow a kiss to you."

Sure enough the vagina blew him a kiss. The old man was completely astounded and asked what else it could do.

"I can also make it wink," she replied.

The old man stared in amazement as the vagina winked at him.

"Come and sit next to me," she said, patting the seat. He moved over and she asked, "Would you like to stick a couple of fingers in?"

Stunned, he stammered, "You- you're kidding me, you mean it can whistle, too?"

A guy is driving around the back woods and he sees a sign in front of a broken down, shanty-style house: Talking Dog For Sale. He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.​

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says "So, what's your story?" The Lab looks up and says,

"Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.

"I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.

"I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

"Ten dollars," the guy says.

"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap??"

"Because the dog's a damn liar. He never did any of that shit."
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