Anybody Know Any Good Jokes?

An old Pilot sat down in Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.
As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.
She turned to the pilot and asked, ‘Are you a real pilot?’
He replied, ‘Well, I’ve spent my whole life flying biplanes, Cubs, Aeronca’s, Neiuports, flew in WWII in a B-29, and later in the Korean conflict, taught 50 people to fly and gave rides to hundreds, so I guess I am a pilot – what about you?’
She said, ‘I’m a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.’
The two sat sipping in silence.
A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked, ‘Are you a real pilot?’
He replied, ‘I always thought I was, but I just found out I’m a lesbian.’
A Priest and a Rabbi are sailing on the final voyage of the Titanic.

The ship hits the iceberg and begins sinking, so the Rabbi jumps into the nearest lifeboat
and yells for the Priest to jump in quick.

The Priest says "I'm not sure that is the right thing to do. Aren't we supposed to save the Women and Children first?"

The Rabbi replies "It's every man for himself! Fuck the Women and Children!!!"

Priest goes "I'll pass on the Women, thanks, but do you really think we'll have time?"
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I would rank oranges and pears higher on the tasty axis, but otherwise this is mostly correct.

Saw a variant of this years ago, but it's a classic, and has had the slang updated.
A very large woman enters a bar, raises her hand and waves it around, exposing her very hairy armpit, and shouts out, "Who'll buy this lady a drink?
There's only silence until a drunk at the other end of the bar says, "Barkeep, get the ballerina a drink!"
The lady drinks her drink down and again waves her arm around, again exposing her hairy armpit, and shouts out, "Who'll buy this lady a drink?"
The drunk again says, "Barkeep, get the ballerina a drink!"
The bartender pours the drink and then goes down to talk to the drunk. He says. "Buddy, it's your business if you want to buy that lady a drink or two, but I have to ask, why do you keep calling her a ballerina?"
The Drunk says, "I may be drunk, but I do know that any lady that can raise her leg that high is definitely a ballerina!"
I'm running for Town Bagel Inspector and I'm planning a schmear campaign! :hello: :hello: