Anybody Know Any Good Jokes?

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When asked about his progress, the blacksmith who was making hardware for a new bathroom reported that he was forging ahead.
 
Buck Fiden

I do not like your leftist ways
I do not like your mental haze.
I do not like your son on blow
I do not like you creepy Joe.

BI Bi Biden

(Stolen from a tee shirt I saw at the supermarket)
 
Do-It-Yourself For Dummies
Reader's Digest Condensed Books


If it won't move and it's 'sposed to, use WD-40
It it's not 'sposed to move but it does, use Duct-Tape.

The End
 
Arguably the finest last episode of any TV comedy series. (I still go with Angel as the best TV series)

 
O_P_T said:
Arguably the finest last episode of any TV comedy series. (I still go with Angel as the best TV series)

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I watched the original Bob Newhart show when I was young and even at my young age his humor came across perfectly. Later on I only got to watch a few episodes of Newhart because those were my teenage years, and then join the army in 1986. I love his interviews on Johnny Carson. He was a very funny guy and brilliant. RIP BOB
 
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OK, since this has a boatload of Aussie slang, it may be NSFW as well as incomprehensible.

 
BostonTim said:
Maybe TipRoast could translate for us.

Cheers, BostonTim
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The term "bin chickens" wasn't common slang in the places I was at - I think that's a Sydney thing.

On the other hand, you'd hear "budgie smuggler" every now and then. :biggrin:

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There are some interesting advertising slogans that try to entice travelers to visit the various states and territories.

South Australia: "Go down south with your mouth." (The food scene in Adelaide has a well-earned country-wide reputation.)

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Northern Territories: "CU in the NT"

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OK, I'm a geek, and just happen to be replaying the Witcher 3 right now, so this made me LOL.

 
(shamelessly stolen from some guy on the interthingee)

Inflation in the US is so bad right now that…
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  • My friend received a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
  • CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
  • Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
  • McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
  • Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.
  • Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.
  • A truckload of Americans were caught sneaking into Mexico.
  • The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.
  • I called a car dealer to get the book value on my used car. They asked if the gas tank was full or empty.
and finally.......
- I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, social security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Afghanistan, and when I told them that I was suicidal, they all got excited and asked if I could drive a truck...
 
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