Anybody Know Any Good Jokes?

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RoadGrader said:
  • I called a car dealer to get the book value on my used car. They asked if the gas tank was full or empty.
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A little tip for people looking to buy a new car never show up at a car dealership within an empty gas tank or very little gas left. When they evaluate your car, they will now know you want to get rid of your trade that day. They will lowball you on your trade, and put the screws to good. It’s always good to go with at least half a tank.


OK, back to jokes again.
 
"If I see one more ad for those products that make your penis bigger, I'm going broke."


Garry Shandling
 
imapig said:
A little tip for people looking to buy a new car never show up at a car dealership within an empty gas tank or very little gas left. When they evaluate your car, they will now know you want to get rid of your trade that day. They will lowball you on your trade, and put the screws to good. It’s always good to go with at least half a tank.


OK, back to jokes again.
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They’ll try to screw you no matter what, but I digress… ☕️
 
Big/Sky/Fly said:
They’ll try to screw you no matter what, but I digress… ☕️
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Another big mistake when they ask you what kind of payment do you want? Never tell them that.
You negotiate the out the door price first. Then the next step is to negotiate your trade and once you got those two negotiations over with you either already got preapproved financing ahead of time so you already know what your interest rate in months will be and the monthly payment will fall into place. However, a lot of dealers like to force you to use their banks because they have deals in place with the bank. The bank makes money on interest and so does the dealer.

Also never buy service warranties. They’re always a scam and your monthly payment will be jacked up and you end up paying a lot more once you pay the deductible.

Also, if you want to pay cash for the car, do not let the dealer know that. Get the out the door price first and get it in writing. Because sometimes once you tell them you wanna pay cash, they will refuse the deal because they’re outdoor price requires you to finance through their bank.
 
you may remember Clarence the Cross-Eyed Lion,

But how about Gladly the Cross-Eyed Bear?
 
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imapig said:
Also, if you want to pay cash for the car, do not let the dealer know that. Get the out the door price first and get it in writing. Because sometimes once you tell them you wanna pay cash, they will refuse the deal because they’re outdoor price requires you to finance through their bank.
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I did tell them on one of my cars. And they did like you said. I told them I was done and got up and started walking out the door leaving them and my husband behind. They called me back saying okay and I got the price i wanted and paid in cash. Another time we were in a lot the car salesman kept on pointing to cars that were in a range I could not afford. He kept trying. I told him this is the one I am looking at and only one I will get off this lot. He kept at it. I just left and started walking to my husband's vehicle. Yes, I left hubby behind with the salesman again. I didn't get any thing on that lot, the guy just just ticked me off. I knew what I could afford at the time and I was not going to go above that price. I always have my payment taken care off before I go on any lot, it will never been through them.

Car lot sharks don't scare me. I know what I can afford and won't go over it regardless how hard they try and I am good at just leaving them.
 
Muse said:
I did tell them on one of my cars. And they did like you said. I told them I was done and got up and started walking out the door leaving them and my husband behind. They called me back saying okay and I got the price i wanted and paid in cash. Another time we were in a lot the car salesman kept on pointing to cars that were in a range I could not afford. He kept trying. I told him this is the one I am looking at and only one I will get off this lot. He kept at it. I just left and started walking to my husband's vehicle. Yes, I left hubby behind with the salesman again. I didn't get any thing on that lot, the guy just just ticked me off. I knew what I could afford at the time and I was not going to go above that price. I always have my payment taken care off before I go on any lot, it will never been through them.

Car lot sharks don't scare me. I know what I can afford and won't go over it regardless how hard they try and I am good at just leaving them.
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Perfect
 
BostonTim said:
A joke!
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Is this better?
:coffee:
An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, “Ah, you’re an engineer — you’re in the wrong place.”

So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they’ve got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is becoming a pretty popular guy.

One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and asks with a sneer, “So, how’s it going down there in hell?”

Satan replies, “Hey, things are going great. We’ve got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and there’s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.”

God replies, “What??? You’ve got an engineer? That’s a mistake — he should never have gotten down there; send him up here.”

Satan says, “No way! I like having an engineer on the staff, and I’m keeping him.”

God says, “Send him back up here or I’ll sue.”

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, “Yeah right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?”
 
imapig said:
Is this better?
:coffee:
An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, “Ah, you’re an engineer — you’re in the wrong place.”

So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they’ve got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is becoming a pretty popular guy.

One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and asks with a sneer, “So, how’s it going down there in hell?”

Satan replies, “Hey, things are going great. We’ve got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and there’s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.”

God replies, “What??? You’ve got an engineer? That’s a mistake — he should never have gotten down there; send him up here.”

Satan says, “No way! I like having an engineer on the staff, and I’m keeping him.”

God says, “Send him back up here or I’ll sue.”

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, “Yeah right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?”
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:banana: :dancingcucumber:
 
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