Anybody Know Any Good Jokes?

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TipRoast said:
Do you ever forget to flush the toilet because of Alzheimers?

It's not a problem for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris never needs to flush the toilet. He just scares the crap out of it.
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I just now finished telling you to KNOCK IT OFF! Some folks are just hard of listening.... :lecture:
 
Had a nightmare last night, worst ever.

It started out great. Me and
Maxine Is Waters had just said our vows, and . . .
 
As I quickly slid my pointer finger slowly inside her damp hole, I could immediately feel her getting wetter and wetter. I then took my finger out and I could immediately see that she was going down on me.

I then said to myself "I think that I really need to save up and buy a new boat."
 
A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were in their obstetrician's waiting room discussing their pregnancies.

The brunette said she was certain she was going to have a boy, because she was on top when she got pregnant!

The red head said she was certain she was going to have a girl because she was in the missionary position when she got pregnant!

All of a sudden the blonde burst into tears. Between sobs the brunette & red head finally got her to tell them why she became so upset. She told them she believes she's going to have puppies!!!
 
Roy says to Dale, Ya know Trigger's getting old. When he passes I'm gonna have him stuffed and moumted.

Dale said, I like that too. though not mecessarily in that order.
 
So the other day a Alaska state trooper pulled over a guy in Fairbanks for speeding. When the officer approached the driver he said you were speeding. He said you may wanna get your radar checked. The trooper said why? He said bc the only time I do 69 is with your wife!
 
The heart doctor had a very pretty young daughter, who was also intelligent, well-spoken and well-dressed at all times.

He became very concerned, however, when his daughter's first boyfriend turned out to be a leather-wearing, rough around the edges biker.

He was determined to break up the pair, so he decided to tell the boyfriend that his daughter had a heart condition, in the hopes that the biker would drop his daughter.

So he pulled the young lad aside during his next visit, and said to him, "I think you should know something about my daugher. She has acute angina."

And the young man replied, "Yeah, and her tits are terrific, too!"
 
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