Anybody Know Any Good Jokes?

Share this page

Tried to back up today in a car without a rear-facing camera. I killed six pedestrians and three dogs...
 
(remembered this one while looking at the Girlie Pic Thread)

Back in my day, if you wanted something to masturbate to, you had to get the Sears catalog and go to the Lingerie section
but nowadays you can go to Sears.Com....
 
Subreddit Icon
r/dadjokes

•Posted by
u/XIIXOO

18 hours ago

hehehehe
Helpful
6
Wholesome
10
Faith In Humanity Restored
& 10 More

I caught my son chewing on an electrical cord...​


renderTimingPixel.png

so I had to ground him.
He's doing better currently.
And conducting himself properly.
 
This joke is best if delivered aloud by someone who is good with ethnic accents.


Four dogs are hanging around the back alley one dark night.

There was a German Shepherd, an Irish Setter, a Mexican Chihuahua, and a French Poodle.

The French Poodle was a female, the other dogs were male, and things had advanced to the stage where the female had to pick one of the males for the rest of the night's activities.

So the French Poodle said: "Ooh la la, I will spend the rest of the evening with the dog who can best use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' in a single sentence."

So each of the males dogs started thinking, and then the German Shepherd stoop up proudly and said "I will go first. Here's my sentence: Liver and cheese are tasty German foods, and Shepherd's are delicious German dogs." And he gave the French Poodle a big smile and sat down.

The Irish Setter then stepped forward and said this: "Ah, lassie, I am a lover of liver and a chooser of cheese; when you are choosing, choose the lover." And he winked at the French Poodle and settled back on his haunches.

The Mexican Chihuahua didn't even look at the French Poodle. He just stared at the other two males and said: "Liver alone; cheese with me."
 
A fisherman was dining alone in a fancy restaurant and there was a Gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He had been checking her out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezed, and her glass eye came flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reached out, grabbed it out of the air, and handed it back.
'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman said, as she popped her eye back in place. 'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you.'
They enjoyed a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they went to the theatre followed by drinks. They talked, they laughed, she shared her deepest dreams and he shared his. She listened to him with interest.
After paying for everything, she asked him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful,
wonderful time

.
The next morning, she cooked a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy was amazed. Everything had been so incredible!
'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?'
'No,' she replies. .. ....
'You just happened to catch my eye.'
(Oh shut up, )
 

Little Johnny gets under the teachers skirt.​


So Little Johnny's teacher is warned at the beginning of the school year not to ever make a bet with Johnny unless she is absolutely sure she will win it. One day in class, Johnny raises his hand and says "teacher, I'll bet you $50 I can guess what color your underwear is." She replies, "okay, meet me after class and we'll settle it." But before class ends, she goes to the restroom and removes her panties. After class is over and the students clear out, Johnny makes his guess. "Blue." "Nope. You got it wrong," she says as she lifts her skirt to reveal she isn't wearing any underwear. "Well come with me out to my dads car, he's waiting for me, and I'll get you the money." She follows him out. When they get to the car she informs his dad that he got the bet wrong and that she showed Johnny that she wasn't wearing any underwear. His dad exclaims: "That mother fucker! He bet me $100 this morning that he'd see your pussy before the end of the day!"
 

A waitress, on her last day, decides to walk to each of her tables and lift up her skirt to proudly proclaim,​


"Super Pussy!". She continues to do this over and over to the horror of her customers, until she reaches a table which sat an elderly man. She approaches him and lifts up her skirt and, again, proclaims, "Super Pussy!" and awaits his reaction. The old man looks at her, then her pussy, then back at her and says, "I think I'll have the soup."
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top