Well boys, it's been a good run. We made it farther than I would have predicted. But the mighty Giants are just too good to beat.
Thanks to the “What If?” machine I borrowed from Professor Farnsworth I’ve been able to see into the future with the question “What if the Patriots show up at Super Bowl XLVI?”
The night before the game Bibi Jones shows up at Gronk’s room in an Eli Manning jersey and tells Gronk that she’s just been with him, calling Eli the most manly man she’s ever been with and walks away. Gronk chases after her but trips over a TV monitor showing the Tyree catch and his foot is knocked clean off at the ankle.
The Patriots are introduced first and in a puzzling move elect to be introduced as individuals. After they’ve taken the field and a clip has been shown of the Tyree catch the Giants take the field to a thunderous applause from the inbred hick Indy faithful and march out in parade formation led by Chris Canty holding the Coughlin Trophy. (which was renamed from the Lombardi trophy shortly before the game) They are trailed by all of the pundits who picked them to win which leads to a Super Bowl first 17 hour Introduction ceremony, pausing every 5 minutes to show clips of the Tyree catch.
The coin toss is performed by a video tape containing previously unseen footage of the Tyree catch dressed in an Eli jersey. The Giants win by picking tails, disappointing Pats fans and Papa John’s customers everywhere, and are so supremely cocky about their pass rush they elect to give the ball to the Pats in BOTH the First AND Second half.
As the game is about to start Bill Belichick runs over to the Giants sideline and gives Hall of Fame coach Tom Coughlin a hug and runs down the Patriots tunnel to the locker room thinking the game is already over. An industrious camera man from NBC follows him but Belichick takes a wrong turn and opens a door he thinks is the locker room but the camera shows the room is filled with workers all being directed by Bill Polian. A banner on the wall reads: OPERATION HIRE WAITERS TO GIVE THE PAT-TREE-OTS THE FLU THEN JACK UP THE TEMPERATURE AND PUMP IN CROWD NOISE WHEN THE PAT-TREE-OTS ARE ON OFFENSE.
Just then the first round of Super Bowl commercials begins to play each of them featuring David Tyree as their endorser.
Back from the commercial break and the Pats take the field with Brady staring down the Giants D line, he makes his reads, sets the protection and snaps the ball only to be strip sacked 1 ten millionth of a second later. The camera then shows the sacker Justin Tuck who’s sporting a couple of Star Trek style warp nacelles attached to his arse falling on the ball.
Hall of fame quarterback Eli Manning comes out and drives the Super Bowl champion Giants down to the 1 millimeter line before inexplicably kneeling and sending out Tynes to make it 3-0.
Belichick manages to find his way back to the sideline and challenges that there were too many men on the field for the kick. Just as Super Bowl referee John Parry is about to rule in his favor Hall of Fame Commissioner Roger Goodell whispers something in Parry’s ear. When he starts the announcement instead of having the camera on him the broadcast cuts to video of Hall of Famer David Tyree’s miracle catch in Super Bowl XLII.
The announcement, which can barely be heard over the pundits gushing over how amazing the Giants are, is as follows “I’ve been informed that the Patriots have violated NFL rules regarding the failure to rewind videotapes they returned to Blockbuster Video. As a result they have been stripped of all challenges for the remainder of the game and all Patriots fans are fined $250,000. Thus the ruling of the field is confirmed.”
Now down 3-0 the Patriots receive the ball again. Brady drops back to pass and launches three consecutive hail marys down the field in the direction of number 81, Aaron Hernandez. He walks back to the sideline and Belichick demands to know what he was thinking. Brady tells him he looked at the scoreboard and it said they were down by 3 with 29 seconds left in the 4th quarter…
- All Giants players named Co-MVP
- Tyree
- Sack
- BB too many men
- Gronk's Ankle / Pr0n star
- Goodell / Spygate / Tomase
- Scoreboard cheating / Myra and the missed kick
- Score Giants 18 Pats 1
- Mercury Morris
- Plaxico Burress
- Post victory party
- Giants D line
- What Else is On TV During the Super Bowl? (Toddlers and Tiaras)
- 2008 Bradyless Year.
- TFB Gets down by 3 and then tries 3 Hail marys instead of trying to get in FG range.