OT: Renegged on paying the tab for my lunch date yesterday. (long post)

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Annihilus said:
Remind Annihilus to never complain about anything that he thought was someone else's bad because by the time you get done tearing his story apart he'll be home in the bathroom with the lights off sucking his thumb.
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No kidding.

I have more sympathy for Fusion after reading the entirety of this thread than I did after only reading his post.

I hope you guys didn't ascare him away.
 
If Fusion's angle was to "get laid" then he went about this all wrong.

If you meet a girl at the gym, you say, "Hey, I'm going to be at such and such a place on Friday night, you should meet me there."

If she does she's probably interested in the same thing you are, and you're not necessarily obligated to buy her anything if things go poorly. If things end up going really bad you can both go about your business.

FA is probably correct, this girl may have been unable to say no to a date, but if you leave the open ended "meet at a bar if you want" invitation, not only do you not seem overly eager, but if she really isn't interested she won't show up.

I would only ask someone to dinner after you got to know them somewhat and got signals that they may be interested.

That's just my $.02, it worked for me, but what do I know I've been away from the dating scene for a while.

edit: Oh, and if the girl isn't throwing you any signals don't ever use the "Let's go back to your place and get to know each other better." You just end up sounding pathetic. If she wants that, she'll invite you, or at least hint at it.
 
Dirtywater said:
What you did was offer to go to lunch and get to know each other, not be taken advantage of. As I was reading, I knew that you were not going to pay for her....
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Actually.....
fusion99 said:
Yesterday, I had a lunch date that I set with a cute little chick, whom I met at the gym on Wednesday. I agreed to take her out to lunch,my treat.
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Sorry, fusion. Sure, the woman didn't exactly show much class by running up 3X the tab you did.
But what you did was far worse. You not only went back on your word, you also snuck out like a coward. For what...to save yourself $35.32?
That seems like a pretty cheap price for your integrity.
I'm not saying you were wrong to feel that she was taking advantage of you. But I think you'd be feeling a lot better about yourself if you had simply picked up the tab, thanked her for the pleasant conversation, and forgotten about her.
In the long run, you won't often regret your decision to take the high road.
 
Re: From one woman's perspective...

FallingAlice said:
I suspect your date knew that the only thing you were interested in was getting laid.

Here's a tip. Most women, no matter how otherwise dumb, can usually tell when this is the case.
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ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL

Yeah, they don't need to be rocket scientist to figure that out!

Here's another tip...for the women:
Q: When do you know that a guy wants to f#ck you?
A: When he talks to you.
 
Annihilus said:
Remind Annihilus to never complain about anything that he thought was someone else's bad because by the time you get done tearing his story apart he'll be home in the bathroom with the lights off sucking his thumb.
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No, no. Something about you, Anni, doesn't scream out to me, "Deadbeat." And I expect that's true of the great majority of posters on this board. Then again, I doubt many on this board would be so idiotic as to let everyone know they're a welcher and to imagine that it reflects well upon them.

Based on my experience of you, I imagine if you have a perspective about someone doing you wrong, it's because they did you wrong.

The subtext I provided was merely one woman's perspective on the sometimes subtle way in which women are able to both read situations and get their messages across.

If Fusion likes to get laid, he may want to view my reply not so much as a disembowelling per se. But as a cautionary tale. ;)

I would like to add that Spider and dropkick's advice is completely on the mark.

Oh, and... yes, women actually do know the answer to the age-old question...when do you know that a guy...? We've known that answer a long time. Nevertheless, I've always take that answer to be more a function of biology than real desire. And I know that plenty of men have standards, taste, decency and are gentlemen who, despite their own needs and urges, still have the capacity to view the objects of their desire as human beings and not simply a collage of genitalia...

Or at least have the good sense and self-control to pretend they do...

Tip to Fusion -- women are more inclined to hop in bed with a gentleman than a pig. Especially pigs who don't pay their tabs.

I'll be curious to hear Wyo's response on this. You may find that my answer was relatively light-hearted toward our story-teller by comparison.

I can't wait to hear her take and maybe a diagnosis of good ole Fusion. I'd hazard a guess. And it's not a pretty one. But I'm not a professional.
 
Fusion is getting a raw deal here.

You gals are getting on him for revealing the inner most monologue of a young guy who is human and dating. Now, I can't say all guys go out for a lunch date looking to get laid, but chances are, if they are hetero, it's well in their mind.

Still doesn't excuse her behavior. Because he wanted to get laid, he deserves the "I'll order everything" treatment? And we're assuming he was staring at her breats the entire lunch to help make the arguement.

Raw deal. Maybe I'm wrong, but the silly stuff hasn't convinved me. I think he was just being honest.

Now with that said, the obvious chances of taking a girl out to a lunch date and thinking one would 'get some' to me seems pretty slim for a first date, so you have a point there. Either way, I don't see that he deserves the "you have to pay for me to order a ton of food to take home because you want to have sex." routine.

I say good for him. Come back Fusion, I promise we're good peeps.
 
Dirtywater said:
Fusion is getting a raw deal here.

You gals are getting on him for revealing the inner most monologue of a young guy who is human and dating. Now, I can't say all guys go out for a lunch date looking to get laid, but chances are, if they are hetero, it's well in their mind.

Still doesn't excuse her behavior. Because he wanted to get laid, he deserves the "I'll order everything" treatment? And we're assuming he was staring at her breats the entire lunch to help make the arguement.

Raw deal. Maybe I'm wrong, but the silly stuff hasn't convinved me. I think he was just being honest.
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You're comparing running up a tab as being comparable to anger over not getting laid and therefore walking out on a check?

I don't know too many people who would do that. Most would take dropkick's advice. Preserve your integrity (if you have any to begin with) and lick your wounds in private with some class.

Here's another tip: If Fusion can't afford to take a woman out, then he should be honest and say so. If he's actually willing to get to know her and she likes him, then you know what? She'll be willing to go Dutch treat.

Tell me..Dirtywater...if you had a daughter, would you like to know that she had gone out with Fusion with his expectation that she should be willing to lay him for a bill of approximately $45.00?

If so, then know this...you're raising a whore. And a cheap one at that.

I'd be very interested in hearing the perspective of men on this board who have daughters and what they thought about Fusion's approach to women.

As far as I can tell, Fusion's the kind of man that my father had in mind when he would give me $20.00 before I left on a date, "In case anything went wrong."
 
I wonder if she had the cash to offset the rest of the bill on her of figured let him pay for it, I'll get a free meal and dinner too.

but if she was dumb enough not to carry the money, how did she explain her way out of it? and what will she do when she sees him again at the gym?
 
Man, Alice is fired up on this thread. I like it!
 
FallingAlice said:
You're comparing running up a tab as being comparable to anger over not getting laid and therefore walking out on a check?
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Not at all. That is your perception. I took it this way.

- Young man took out young woman for said lunch (I like saying 'said lunch')

- Young man has hormones and was honest with us when he stated he wanted to get laid (as just about every young man does)

- Young man took young woman to her favorite restaurant, said 'Red Lobster'

- At said lunch, young woman orders excessively

- At said lunch, young woman does not bother to eat her food (did she ever have that intention) and instead asks for a take-home box

- Young man felt used and taken advantage of

- Young man skips out on check


Now, would I have walked out without paying? No. But in my mind I would have wished I did. Maybe that's why I felt good for him, almost like doing something I wished I would have.
 
fusion99 said:
All was going well. I picked her up from her apartment complex and we had some good conversation on the way to the restaurant. .....


I exchange a few more bits of small talk, sneak $15 under the bill when she's not paying attention, excuse myself to the restroom and walk the f**k out as nonchalantly as possible. No one notices. My getaway is complete, both literally and figuratively.
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How did she get home?
 
FallingAlice said:
Tell me..Dirtywater...if you had a daughter, would you like to know that she had gone out with Fusion and his expectation that she should be willing to lay him for a bill of approximately $45.00?

If so, then know this...you're raising a whore. And a cheap one at that.

I'd be very interested in hearing the perspective of men on this board who have daughters and what they thought about Fusion's approach to women.

As far as I can tell, Fusion's the kind of man that my father had in mind when he would give me $20.00 before I left on a date, "In case anything went wrong."
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Well, I know guys and I would tell her that she had better be aware that a lot of guys think and act that way. You had one great Dad, who gave you great advice and cash. Not every girl today is being raised like that.

I just think we are bashing a young guy for acting like a young guy. Sure he should have done the "classy thing" and payid and left, but in the heat of the moment while being insulted, not everyone acts the same way.

And BTW, I don't even have a daughter yet and you're already calling her a whore?! Woman, why can't they just get along. ;)
 
At least Fusion likes girls. That seems to be a rare attribute on this board lately. (see the Fab 5 gay love fest thread)

I think Fusion did the wrong thing by walking out on the check, but I also understand where his frustration comes from. I'm assuming this chick is some gym whore hottie that probably goes on a few lunch dates a week. She knows she's hot and she uses her hotness as a weapon to punish the common man. These kinds of chicks are a dime a dozen. They've got nothing going for them, other than their sweet arse and bodacious bombs. The only real power they have is over men.............and they use it well.
 
Dirtywater said:
Fusion is getting a raw deal here.

. . .

I say good for him. Come back Fusion, I promise we're good peeps.
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I think Fusion's mostly guilty of not understanding how some women are simply incapable of being direct, open, and honest with people. It would have been much better for all concerned if the girl just said, "No, I'm not interested", to the date. But somehow, many women seem to feel it's better (and more sensitive) to just lie, and waste everyone's time (and of course cause more hurt feelings than if they had been straight to begin with).

Similar to what others have already said, I also really doubt that she was going to pick up her ex-con boyfriend afterwards. It's just one of those lies that women use instead of saying, "No, it's not working out".

In any case, I still think you should have paid for the dinner, but I don't think you're a bad guy (at least not yet :D ). You just need to realize that accepting a date for a meal does not mean the girl has any interest in going to bed with you.
________
Honda CL90
 
Dirtywater said:
Well, I know guys and I would tell her that she had better be aware that a lot of guys think and act that way. You had one great Dad, who gave you great advice and cash. Not every girl today is being raised like that.

I just think we are bashing a young guy for acting like a young guy. Sure he should have done the "classy thing" and payid and left, but in the heat of the moment while being insulted, not everyone acts the same way.

And BTW, I don't even have a daughter yet and you're already calling her a whore?! Woman, why can't they just get along. ;)
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You're a nice man, Dirtywater.

That you don't have a daughter makes a lot of sense to me. I think if you did, you may rethink your position.

And I really hope that if you're ever raising sons that you may rethink your position.

Their good name and future will depend on far better behavior than you accept.
 
Spinal Tap said:
At least Fusion likes girls. That seems to be a rare attribute on this board lately. (see the Fab 5 gay love fest thread)

I think Fusion did the wrong thing by walking out on the check, but I also understand where his frustration comes from. I'm assuming this chick is some gym whore hottie that probably goes on a few lunch dates a week. She knows she's hot and she uses her hotness as a weapon to punish the common man. These kinds of chicks are a dime a dozen. They've got nothing going for them, other than their sweet arse and bodacious bombs. The only real power they have is over men.............and they use it well.
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You, Spinal, are the perfect patsy for that kind of woman.

If you imagine that your incredibly demeaning attitudes toward the opposite sex don't play out -- clearly -- to women, then you're wrong.
 
FallingAlice said:
You're a nice man, Dirtywater.

That you don't have a daughter makes a lot of sense to me. I think if you did, you may rethink your position.
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That your not a guy makes a lot of sense to me as to why you don't see a young guy's perspective too. It's a two way street.

Either way, they were both wrong. It's just the 18 year old in me that has been screwed over that felt proud for of him for not taking it.

I can see your side too. :thumb:
 
dchester said:
I think Fusion's mostly guilty of not understanding how some women are simply incapable of being direct, open, and honest with people. It would have been much better for all concerned if the girl just said, "No, I'm not interested", to the date. But somehow, many women seem to feel it's better (and more sensitive) to just lie, and waste everyone's time (and of course cause more hurt feelings than if they had been straight to begin with).

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That, I agree with.
 
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