Flagg the Wanderer
Mourning Algernon
Just thought I'd pass this along, guys:
Ken -
I wanted to thank you for your support recently, and ask you to pass my thanks along to the people at Patriots Planet. Could you post this? Thanks.
Hi, Planet.
You all don't know me, but I'm Shannon Finneran, girlfriend of "Oedipus Tex." When "Flagg" first told me that he posted the news here, I was a little pissed off. But tonight I went to look at the thread, and seeing all of your reactions to Tom's death really did me some good.
Sometimes, each of us is in our own little world, and we forget how much of an effect each of us has on everyone around us, no matter how minor our contact seems to be.
It's been almost two weeks now, and I'm still struggling to make sense of this. I understand that Tom was sick, and suffering, but he had a successful business that many his age would have killed to have, parents who loved him, and my family absolutely adored him. I know you all know the history between Tom, Erin, and myself. Ask yourself how many fathers that you know would love and accept a daughter's (daughters'? forgive my grammar, Tom) boyfriend who did this. (To be fair, I had more than a little hand in that, as you all know.)
Tom was an amazing person. He had the gift that few have of talking to people on their own level without ever talking down to them. I was with him when he absolutely skewered a guy who was bragging about mensa membership...but after putting the guy firmly in his place, they left as friends. You know the saying "It's not what you say, but how you say it?" Tom had the gift of making people laugh at themselves, and appreciate him for pointing it out. He used it beautifully in his business - picture that he had been running a business in international trade consulting since before his 25th birthday! To do that, you need to make people trust you, and know that you have something valuable to contribute.
But mostly, he loved people. I never knew him to put himself above another person - whether the person was a close friend or a stranger. When he drove, he was the guy that slowed down to let people in ahead of him. One time on a date, he gave up our reservations to a couple behind us who he overheard stressing about making a movie after dinner.
It may have been this that ate him up more than anything. He forever put himself second. He had a good deal of survivor guilt from Thailand. People say that suicide is selfish, and I understand that (boy do I understand that...) But from his perspective he could never give enough, he could never help enough. Hell, he felt guilty of the time he spent here.
Look, Tom was no saint. If it wasn't for his well-developed conscience, he would have been a womanizer without peer. He wanted to please people so badly that he tended to hide unpleasant truths (in his personal life, not his business life) until he was boxed into a corner. When he was down, he tended to miss appointments, deadlines, dates...even days. And then he scrambled like hell to fix everything just before it all was totally lost.
His depression was an eye opener for me. When he was dating Erin, she once came out of work to find him asleep in the back of her car in his boxers. He said he'd been there for about six hours. In the end, he lived his life with his emotions on his sleeve. I'm not suprised there was no note - none was needed.
I do know that he had fun here and thought very highly of both the general level of intelligence and thoughtfulness (in terms of thinking things through) of the people on this board. I appreciate your kind words during this difficult time. I am sorry for all of you that only knew Tom as Tex. You missed more than you can ever know.
Thank you, and be good to yourselves.
Shannon.
Ken -
I wanted to thank you for your support recently, and ask you to pass my thanks along to the people at Patriots Planet. Could you post this? Thanks.
Hi, Planet.
You all don't know me, but I'm Shannon Finneran, girlfriend of "Oedipus Tex." When "Flagg" first told me that he posted the news here, I was a little pissed off. But tonight I went to look at the thread, and seeing all of your reactions to Tom's death really did me some good.
Sometimes, each of us is in our own little world, and we forget how much of an effect each of us has on everyone around us, no matter how minor our contact seems to be.
It's been almost two weeks now, and I'm still struggling to make sense of this. I understand that Tom was sick, and suffering, but he had a successful business that many his age would have killed to have, parents who loved him, and my family absolutely adored him. I know you all know the history between Tom, Erin, and myself. Ask yourself how many fathers that you know would love and accept a daughter's (daughters'? forgive my grammar, Tom) boyfriend who did this. (To be fair, I had more than a little hand in that, as you all know.)
Tom was an amazing person. He had the gift that few have of talking to people on their own level without ever talking down to them. I was with him when he absolutely skewered a guy who was bragging about mensa membership...but after putting the guy firmly in his place, they left as friends. You know the saying "It's not what you say, but how you say it?" Tom had the gift of making people laugh at themselves, and appreciate him for pointing it out. He used it beautifully in his business - picture that he had been running a business in international trade consulting since before his 25th birthday! To do that, you need to make people trust you, and know that you have something valuable to contribute.
But mostly, he loved people. I never knew him to put himself above another person - whether the person was a close friend or a stranger. When he drove, he was the guy that slowed down to let people in ahead of him. One time on a date, he gave up our reservations to a couple behind us who he overheard stressing about making a movie after dinner.
It may have been this that ate him up more than anything. He forever put himself second. He had a good deal of survivor guilt from Thailand. People say that suicide is selfish, and I understand that (boy do I understand that...) But from his perspective he could never give enough, he could never help enough. Hell, he felt guilty of the time he spent here.
Look, Tom was no saint. If it wasn't for his well-developed conscience, he would have been a womanizer without peer. He wanted to please people so badly that he tended to hide unpleasant truths (in his personal life, not his business life) until he was boxed into a corner. When he was down, he tended to miss appointments, deadlines, dates...even days. And then he scrambled like hell to fix everything just before it all was totally lost.
His depression was an eye opener for me. When he was dating Erin, she once came out of work to find him asleep in the back of her car in his boxers. He said he'd been there for about six hours. In the end, he lived his life with his emotions on his sleeve. I'm not suprised there was no note - none was needed.
I do know that he had fun here and thought very highly of both the general level of intelligence and thoughtfulness (in terms of thinking things through) of the people on this board. I appreciate your kind words during this difficult time. I am sorry for all of you that only knew Tom as Tex. You missed more than you can ever know.
Thank you, and be good to yourselves.
Shannon.