There are still many of us out there who take our vows seriously,
I have no doubt, and kudos for you to do so.
Before I had the "compliments" from so many women regarding how I was actively supporting my wife through her medical issues, I assumed it was the norm. I don't know how to interpret their praise/envy other as an indication that a lot of men don't.
Now, I can accept that other men may simply not be as aggressive as a patient advocate for their wife, but still want to do everything they can to help her. Maybe they don't know how to play the game, are intimidated by the power structure of the medical establishment, etc.
Me? I take no prisoners. Anyone who has read some of my posts knows full well I don't tolerate fools and have no hesitation to take them down verbally.
The sad fact is that between my neurological issues, and my wife's various issues through the years, I've had far too much experience in being a patient advocate.
I keep saying I have to write a book, that would be something between a black comedy and a health care advocate primer, because I've learned a lot of just how stupid some of the shiite that is done, and know that if one stands firm, and knows when to say, "not only no, but fuck no." that you can sometimes bend the bureaucracy to your will.
My biggest fear is that I'd end up being like Ted Williams trying to coach another hitter, asking them "didn't you see the spin on the ball?" cause much of what I've done as an advocate has been due to my ability to read people and know when to push and when not to.
For example, when my wife had an open book pelvic split after getting hit by a car, she spent 3 months with an external fixator, and classified as "non-weight bearing". Most of that time was spent in the orthopedic ward at the hospital, and many of the nurses had vastly more experience than some of the residents who supervised her daily care.
I could tell when the nurse didn't agree with the doctor, but she was not allowed to question him based on the hierarchy of the hospital.
I had no such restriction and would lay into the "junior woodchucks" to explain why they were ordering that bit of care.
This scored big points with the nurses, so when I asked for something for my wife, I usually got an immediate response.
And yes, I did call them junior woodchucks to their face, and yes that was a bit of alpha male posturing to demonstrate I was top dog, and that was the point.
They needed to understand I was the meanest son of a bitch in the valley, and they crossed me at their peril.
I'll admit, it's a fine line, and you have to understand just what issues can't be forced, that the bureaucracy is so entrenched that you cannot win that fight, so don't waste your time, nor you position as top dog on things that you can't win.
Two examples, a few months ago, my wife fell and got a good gash in her scalp. I was upstairs working in my home office when I heard the thump of her fall. I went downstairs to check on her and noticed she was running her hands through her hair. I looked closely and saw blood, there was enough blood in her hair that I couldn't see the wound, so I took her to the bathroom, used the hand held shower nozzle to rinse her hair till I could see the wound. It was a pretty wide gash, and I could tell immediately it would need stiches, staples or something to close it.
So we went to an urgent care place 5 minutes from our house. When we got there, they asked me if I'd seen her fall. I explained, no and described what had happened.
They replied that by protocol, since I hadn't seen her fall, they could not treat her until a CAT scan was done to ensure that she did have any hemorrhaging in her brain.
OK, stop and think for a moment the absurdity of this protocol. Let's assume I did see her fall. That I did see her hit her head and open a gash. Am I fricken Superman with X-ray vision that I can tell if that fall resulted in hemorrhaging in her brain?
Of course not. But this was not a battle I was going to win. Protocol is protocol, so we had a fun filled 6 hour visit to the ER. They took her for the CAT scan within the first hour, but as we continued to sit in the waiting area, I was not a happy camper. I went up to the front desk and asked a pointed question "Please tell me that the reason we are still sitting out here is that because someone has read the CAT scan and my wife doesn't have a hemorrhage, so it's a question of triage delaying her being dealt with, and not that you just haven't gotten around to looking at the CAT scan yet."
I could tell from the look on the nurse's face that I had scored a point for understanding the process, and she let me know that it had been read and my wife was OK.
Now for the second case where I bent the system to my needs.
This was near the end of my wife's open book pelvis split injury.
We were at the orthopedic surgeon's office, adjacent to the hospital, and waiting in one of the exam rooms. I heard a discussion outside about their X-ray machine was down and that everyone would have to be rescheduled.
A few details to clarify the situation. If the X-rays were positive, my wife would no longer be classified as non weight bearing, and could start her PT to get better, not to mention I wouldn't have to get an ambulance to take her to any future DRs appointments. So this was a big day in her treatment.
Second, her orthopedic surgeon was the head of the orthopedic department at this hospital.
So, when one of the junior woodchucks came into the room, I went on the offensive immediately.
He had barely gotten a "Mr OPT" out of his mouth before I started into him.
"I know your X-ray machine is broken. I don't care if you don't get the revenue from this X-ray, We both know that depending on the outcome of this X-ray, my wife would no longer be classified as non weight bearing, and that's a huge step in her recovery. Now before you open your mouth to respond, you've got two choices. One option is that you think of a good reason as to why the head of orthopedic surgery doesn't have access to one of the plethora of x-ray machines in this hospital. The second option, and trust me it's the better option, is that you go figure out just how we're going to get this X-ray done today."
He didn't say a word, just left the room, and wouldn't you know it? A few minutes later, we were being taken over to the hospital for the X-ray.
