Hawg73
Mediocre with flashes of brilliance
- Joined
- Nov 26, 2002
- Messages
- 25,093
- Reaction score
- 11,375
- Points
- 113
- Age
- 68
- Location
- Gumdrop house on Lollipop Ln.
Those of you that can't handle indelicate topics please read no further - it's not my intent to gross anybody out. No complaining - you've been warned.
One thing I have noticed from time to time is that there is nothing funnier than a good round of puke stories. I once considered trying to write a book which would be a collection of first person accounts of people's worst experiences with the dreaded technicolor yawn. In doing a little preliminary research I heard some really incredible stories, but never got around to trying to actually write it. The title? Blowing Chunks seemed to have a nice ring to it.
Anyway I am looking for people to share that special moment in your lives when you or somebody you know lost control in an embarrasing or interesting way in a public or private setting and the circumstances of that event. I will try and get the ball rolling with a story that happened to a young lady at my cousin's (note: not DropKick) bachelor party that I had the pleasure of attending.
The party was held at a Chinese restaraunt on Boston's South Shore and we retired to a private function room to celebrate his impending nuptials with a mixed crowd of relatives and his hardcore drinking buddies and fringe lunatics. We scarfed down an extremely mediocre Chinese buffet and awaited the arrival of the "talent" who would be performing a dance routine for us.
The young ladies finally arrived and informed us that their manager couldn't make it, they had forgotten their boom-box and were hungry to boot and asked if they could eat before the show. We had no problem with that and the semi-attractive duo went to work on the leftovers.
They finished and began their dance routine in front of a room filled with drunks in dead silence. It was actually kind of sad and we were all a little uncomfortable at the sight. You could have cut the atmosphere with a knife.
Finally somebody realized that we needed music of some sort or it was going to be a disaster. "Somebody start singing" was heard from the back the room and my cousin's buddies started an accapella chorus of "Feelings". Things were going downhill fast.
They got worse when after a short and awkward dance number the skinny brunette began to clutch her stomach and requested that: "somebody find a bucket fast!"
We searched frantically for a bucket and failed while her friend tried to hold her up. Fortunately somebody remembered that we had given the groom-to-be a cake and he yelled: "What about the cake box?" The cake box was seperated from the cake and offered to the young lady who proceeded to decorate it in a very loud manner.
It was all we could do to turn away from this bizarre spectacle and try not to gawk. Her chunky redheaded friend finally sheparded her into a small cloakroom and we figured that was all she wrote.
Imagine our surprise when a few moments later she emerged from the closet and undaunted continued on with the show. The best one-liner was DropKick's "She's the Uta Pipping of stripping!" (Boston marathon reference). A real trooper that one.
Of course, the show dissolved in a blaze of glory when a fight broke out between two guests and the Girls panicked and grabbed their clothes and ran -barely dressed -thru the crowded main dining room filled with surprised families choking on their pu-pu platters.
Somehow that story stands out to me even if I wasn't the victim. What a show.
How 'bout you? Anyone have one to share?
Remember it's a long offseason.
One thing I have noticed from time to time is that there is nothing funnier than a good round of puke stories. I once considered trying to write a book which would be a collection of first person accounts of people's worst experiences with the dreaded technicolor yawn. In doing a little preliminary research I heard some really incredible stories, but never got around to trying to actually write it. The title? Blowing Chunks seemed to have a nice ring to it.
Anyway I am looking for people to share that special moment in your lives when you or somebody you know lost control in an embarrasing or interesting way in a public or private setting and the circumstances of that event. I will try and get the ball rolling with a story that happened to a young lady at my cousin's (note: not DropKick) bachelor party that I had the pleasure of attending.
The party was held at a Chinese restaraunt on Boston's South Shore and we retired to a private function room to celebrate his impending nuptials with a mixed crowd of relatives and his hardcore drinking buddies and fringe lunatics. We scarfed down an extremely mediocre Chinese buffet and awaited the arrival of the "talent" who would be performing a dance routine for us.
The young ladies finally arrived and informed us that their manager couldn't make it, they had forgotten their boom-box and were hungry to boot and asked if they could eat before the show. We had no problem with that and the semi-attractive duo went to work on the leftovers.
They finished and began their dance routine in front of a room filled with drunks in dead silence. It was actually kind of sad and we were all a little uncomfortable at the sight. You could have cut the atmosphere with a knife.
Finally somebody realized that we needed music of some sort or it was going to be a disaster. "Somebody start singing" was heard from the back the room and my cousin's buddies started an accapella chorus of "Feelings". Things were going downhill fast.
They got worse when after a short and awkward dance number the skinny brunette began to clutch her stomach and requested that: "somebody find a bucket fast!"
We searched frantically for a bucket and failed while her friend tried to hold her up. Fortunately somebody remembered that we had given the groom-to-be a cake and he yelled: "What about the cake box?" The cake box was seperated from the cake and offered to the young lady who proceeded to decorate it in a very loud manner.
It was all we could do to turn away from this bizarre spectacle and try not to gawk. Her chunky redheaded friend finally sheparded her into a small cloakroom and we figured that was all she wrote.
Imagine our surprise when a few moments later she emerged from the closet and undaunted continued on with the show. The best one-liner was DropKick's "She's the Uta Pipping of stripping!" (Boston marathon reference). A real trooper that one.
Of course, the show dissolved in a blaze of glory when a fight broke out between two guests and the Girls panicked and grabbed their clothes and ran -barely dressed -thru the crowded main dining room filled with surprised families choking on their pu-pu platters.
Somehow that story stands out to me even if I wasn't the victim. What a show.
How 'bout you? Anyone have one to share?
Remember it's a long offseason.