Hawg73
Mediocre with flashes of brilliance
- Joined
- Nov 26, 2002
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- Gumdrop house on Lollipop Ln.
The following thread is a collection of It's_Good_It's_Good's Knee Jerk Reaction columns that he wrote after most games during the 2003 season. I think they are some of the funniest stuff this site has seen and thought it would be a good idea to collect them for the archives thread.
Here is hoping that he finds some time to do "Knee Jerks" for all of the upcoming 2004 games. Enjoy.
It's_Good's Knee Jerk Reactions from Week 3
If I were describing myself in a personals ad, regardless of how short the ad had to be, I would mention how much I enjoy watching Vinny Testaverde force bad passes into blanket coverage.
We need a phrase to describe the look on Herm Edwards' face when a play call goes horribly wrong. ("Deer in the headlights" is a registered trademark of Bledsoe Bashers of NE, Inc.) I suggest we use "Guy on stage at his first open-mike night discovering that he's only funny to five people in his office."
After a particularly punishing hit on the Pats' first posession, did I really hear Dan Dierdorf say "...and the play ends with a tremendous COCK!"? Tell me I'm wrong. Or I should just be thankful he didn't make a reference to the Jets TE coach Dick Curl?
1st quarter: DeWayne Robertson tackles Daniel Graham. Boxing promoters would give this matchup the sobriquet, "The Battle of the Busts."
The Jets pass up an easy 3 points for a half-assed fake FG/pass attempt. Edwards appears to be saying, "What's wrong with you people? Everyone loved that joke at our staff meeting the other day..."
Brady just has to be hurt. Has to be. He's gripping the ball like that openly gay guy from Survivor: Marquesas trying to shoot a bow-and-arrow.
Time management tip: I save up all my household chores for Sunday afternoon. Then I do them all while waiting for Antwoine Smith to hit the hole.
The biggest surprise of the game came when the Pats stopped Wayne Chrebet short of a first down for the first time in his career against them. I half expected the league to stop the game and have a ceremony like when Emmitt Smith broke the rushing record.
Edwards, 2nd quarter: "C'mon! This is funny stuff..."
Bad ideas:
1. The Jets fake field goal.
2. On my fantasy team, I bench a "questionable" Priest Holmes for Moe Williams.
3. Everyone at CBS says "Charlie Sheen doing light family comedy? With a kid? It couldn't possibly fail!!!"
In the 3rd quarter, Jets offensive co-ordinator Paul Hackett broke the NFL record for "Third Down Pass Plays Which Gain Insufficient Yardage, Most." Edwards: "Hey, I know you're out there...I can hear you breathing."
Tyrone Poole has mastered the art of simultaneously keeping his eye off the receiver and the ball. Is he mentoring the rookies? "Well, on man coverage, I focus on the lighthouse. And in zone, I look at the McDonalds sign.."
Promotional tie-in of the week: "The Bill Belichick Unspecific Injury Report, brought to you by SEIU Local 254."
It was nice to see the Pats in the 4th quarter try to draw the Jets offside with a perfect rendition of "Dance at the Gym" from West Side Story.
Edwards during that play: "Is this mike on? HELLO???..."
Here is hoping that he finds some time to do "Knee Jerks" for all of the upcoming 2004 games. Enjoy.
It's_Good's Knee Jerk Reactions from Week 3
If I were describing myself in a personals ad, regardless of how short the ad had to be, I would mention how much I enjoy watching Vinny Testaverde force bad passes into blanket coverage.
We need a phrase to describe the look on Herm Edwards' face when a play call goes horribly wrong. ("Deer in the headlights" is a registered trademark of Bledsoe Bashers of NE, Inc.) I suggest we use "Guy on stage at his first open-mike night discovering that he's only funny to five people in his office."
After a particularly punishing hit on the Pats' first posession, did I really hear Dan Dierdorf say "...and the play ends with a tremendous COCK!"? Tell me I'm wrong. Or I should just be thankful he didn't make a reference to the Jets TE coach Dick Curl?
1st quarter: DeWayne Robertson tackles Daniel Graham. Boxing promoters would give this matchup the sobriquet, "The Battle of the Busts."
The Jets pass up an easy 3 points for a half-assed fake FG/pass attempt. Edwards appears to be saying, "What's wrong with you people? Everyone loved that joke at our staff meeting the other day..."
Brady just has to be hurt. Has to be. He's gripping the ball like that openly gay guy from Survivor: Marquesas trying to shoot a bow-and-arrow.
Time management tip: I save up all my household chores for Sunday afternoon. Then I do them all while waiting for Antwoine Smith to hit the hole.
The biggest surprise of the game came when the Pats stopped Wayne Chrebet short of a first down for the first time in his career against them. I half expected the league to stop the game and have a ceremony like when Emmitt Smith broke the rushing record.
Edwards, 2nd quarter: "C'mon! This is funny stuff..."
Bad ideas:
1. The Jets fake field goal.
2. On my fantasy team, I bench a "questionable" Priest Holmes for Moe Williams.
3. Everyone at CBS says "Charlie Sheen doing light family comedy? With a kid? It couldn't possibly fail!!!"
In the 3rd quarter, Jets offensive co-ordinator Paul Hackett broke the NFL record for "Third Down Pass Plays Which Gain Insufficient Yardage, Most." Edwards: "Hey, I know you're out there...I can hear you breathing."
Tyrone Poole has mastered the art of simultaneously keeping his eye off the receiver and the ball. Is he mentoring the rookies? "Well, on man coverage, I focus on the lighthouse. And in zone, I look at the McDonalds sign.."
Promotional tie-in of the week: "The Bill Belichick Unspecific Injury Report, brought to you by SEIU Local 254."
It was nice to see the Pats in the 4th quarter try to draw the Jets offside with a perfect rendition of "Dance at the Gym" from West Side Story.
Edwards during that play: "Is this mike on? HELLO???..."