Hawg's last stand.
He was bone-weary and battered, but felt revived by his stint in the hot tub with the Patriots cheerleaders, and he knew the time was ripe to make his last stand.
He leapt over the top rope with a catlike grace and landed with a SPLAT! in the steaming dark pit. The stadium lights cast a hot glare down encompassing the ring and 68,000 pairs of eyes watched as he slogged his way through the muck straight towards the vicious valkyrie who waited for his assault with a weird gleam in her eyes.
There comes a time in every life where you feel like quitting, where it all gets too much and you just want to lay down and accept your fate as a form of death, but as Hawg glanced around at the people sitting in the front row, he knew that he could not, WOULD NOT let them down.
There was Undertaker59 with a worried look on his face, ever the worrier.
And over there Pookie with a can of Bud Light in his hand, and there Annihilus and Dropkick, Bideau, Spinal, IGIG, Oedipus, Thomas144, MgoBlue, Ballbustah, Bionic....even Stephen Neal showed up....they were all there and they were all goddamned if they were going to watch him get his ass kicked by a psycho hosebeast Bills troll. It was ON.
Hawg looked down at the diminutive demon and was shocked by her appearance. Her Bills jersey had been shredded by the fierce battle and exposed her lithe, mud-speckled body, there were barely threads of it left.
Her hair was so mud caked that her hair clumped together and resembled gooey snakes. Her eyes were glowing like lanterns in the windows to Hell. The Medusa of the mountains, her sinews a glistening dark brown-- steeled herself for the finish, one way or the other
She looked at Hawg and spoke first: "Who the hell are you"?
Hawg's response with a decided Arnold accent was: "WHO da HELL are YOU???"
At that, Wyo uncoiled herself and sprang from the mire, clawing the air and squalling like a cougar. Hawg juked right and then did a spin move to his left and Wyo splatted down hard-- face first.
He leapt for her, but she rolled away just in time and she was on his back almost before he landed. This chick was FAST. She reached down and grabbed his hair, but the slick mud caused her to lose her grip and lurch backwards as Hawg bucked her off his back and like lightning was on his feet again ready to grapple.
They both stood with their chests heaving ragged breaths which condensed into steam and blended together as they eyed each other warily.
Despite the filth that clung to her face and body and despite the wild gleam in her eyes, Hawg had to admit she was an attractive woman. Beautiful, in fact. Hell, she was HOT and only the pronounced ache in his muscles, and especially his schwanstucker--reminded him that she was utterly lethal.
He noticed Wyo's expression starting to soften and then she spoke: "I can see you've had enough...why don't we just end this and go somewhere more.... private? I have something special for you...a surprise." and then she smiled luridly.
Hawg could scarcely imagine a LESS private setting, but something about that smile was drawing him in. He was a sailor and she was a siren calling him to the rocks, but he no longer cared about the fate of his ship, he needed her. She COMPLETED him.
He found himself moving towards her but not for a bodyslam, but for the lust of her steaming hot, mud-encrusted body.
"What do I have to do for my surprise?" Hawg croaked, no longer in control of his words.
"Simple. Just lay back and let me pin you and I'm all yours."
Hawg considered this and found himself nodding....agreeing....and then something happened. From deep inside a tiny recess of his lust-swollen brain a thought sprang up unbidden. It grew from a spark into a raging neon bonfire. He read it's two-word message and knew that he could not. Not like this.
The message read simply: "THE PLANET" and he knew at once that he would need his own concession before agreeing.
"That is possible" he said "but, there is something I need from you first".
She smiled coyly and asked "and that is?"
and then the thunderbolt from the blue.
"You need to change sides. I just can't with a Bills troll. It wouldn't be right. Cast aside your trollish ways forever and come over to the dark side and we can be together."
The look on her crusted face was one of pure astonishment and then it began to change and mutate as thoughts of her own swirled and roiled just beneath it's surface. She looked at one moment enraptured and the next-- confused. Wet tears began to fill her eyes as she struggled beneath the spotlights glare before Hawg, the fans, the eyes of the entire Planet.
A silence vast and deep hung in the air as she stood there, her life as a Bills fans hanging precariously in the balance and then she spoke, her voice heavy with sadness.
"I have thought about it. Over and over. A part of me wants to worse than anything, but.....I can't do that. You can't ask me to do that.....I can't come over to the Patriots side--to your side. It has to be Bills or nothing...."
Hawg then tersely replied: "Then it is NOTHING".
Tears began washing down her cheeks leaving glistening streaks of tanned skin between the caked mud as the crowd sat in stunned silence. Her eyes pleaded with him, but the die had been cast.
He nodded and then continued "You might not thank me today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon-- and for the rest of your life." and with that he turned and began slowly sloshing through the muck towards the ropes, but before reaching them he turned and said:
"Remember, kid-- we'll always have Foxboro."
The last sight he had of her was her slumping down in the mud-- hard, as she buried her face in her hands and began to weep for a decision that she could not help herself from reaching. It was what it was.
Hawg was tired. As tired as he had ever been, but as he scanned the faces of the Planet members near the ropes, he remembered why he was here and he vaulted the ropes onto the apron and looked at them all. He had made a sacrifice, but after all, it was for the good of the Planet and that was good enough.
Just then a familiar face leapt up to join him on the ring apron. Their eyes met and they both knew that it wasn't over.
With that Hawg reached his weary right arm over his head and made the tag.
There was still a little matter that had to be settled.
It was still........ON!
