Alzheimer's

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Benign Despot said:
Muse, I would recommend getting in touch with some of the senior resources in your area to get you some time off. There must be some help available. Start with your local Senior Center (usually funded by the town or city). They usually have Social Workers who know the agencies in the area.

No care giver can go 24/7/365. Everyone needs a break. In the end you won't be able to help your mom if you break-down, emotionally or physically.
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I completely agree. I did 4 days a week from October-May, then went 24/7 in June until August. I nearly lost my own mind. You HAVE to take breaks, Muse. Perhaps they have an adult daycare where you can leave her with competent care and a get a nap in?
 
bishbash said:
I don't think BD necessarily meant to look to Senior Centers for your Mom to go to, but as a resource for you! As in any Senior Centers in the area that offer outreach services to give YOU a break here and there.
Best Wishes!
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Yes, this as well.
 
Muse, don't feel that you are complaining to us, for you are not. You need an outlet for yourself, and if it is us, so be it. We are here to listen to you and to anyone else here going through it as well. Caregivers need to pay attention to themselves as well as their loved one.

Gina
 
I have found a place I hope will help. Cross fingers.

Yesterday I had to tell my mom her brother died. The family is close. There was ten girls and five boys, a Catholic traditonal family. She has just one brother left, there are still nine girls left.

She keeps reliving it. I have stopped making calls to my relatives, been doing that so she stays connected. They are grieving I understand I am as well. But they will grieve and time will heal. By talking to them it is rehashed and new everytime she is reminded of it. So for now won't make the calls for a few days. Today is the funeral.

As anyone knows from back up North, when the ground is cold and winter is upon us, the body is not buried until it is warmer. Plus they have had close to 200 inches of snow so far. We thought we would bring her if she wanted to she didn't. Though maybe down the line I will get fusssed at for not bringing her up for if she remembers she didn't go.

So that is where I am at.

Thanks again everyone.
 
Pyxis said:
I completely agree. I did 4 days a week from October-May, then went 24/7 in June until August. I nearly lost my own mind. You HAVE to take breaks, Muse. Perhaps they have an adult daycare where you can leave her with competent care and a get a nap in?
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24/7 for four weeks now is where I am at. A break is what I am looking for now.
 
Muse said:
I have found a place I hope will help. Cross fingers.

Yesterday I had to tell my mom her brother died. The family is close. There was ten girls and five boys, a Catholic traditonal family. She has just one brother left, there are still nine girls left.

She keeps reliving it. I have stopped making calls to my relatives, been doing that so she stays connected. They are grieving I understand I am as well. But they will grieve and time will heal. By talking to them it is rehashed and new everytime she is reminded of it. So for now won't make the calls for a few days. Today is the funeral.

As anyone knows from back up North, when the ground is cold and winter is upon us, the body is not buried until it is warmer. Plus they have had close to 200 inches of snow so far. We thought we would bring her if she wanted to she didn't. Though maybe down the line I will get fusssed at for not bringing her up for if she remembers she didn't go.

So that is where I am at.

Thanks again everyone.
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Holy cow....the same thing happened to us. Her nephew died and it was dead of winter in Iowa. The funeral was delayed. We didn't let her go. She did go visit in August and found out then about his death. She was really angry at us for not telling her, but we did tell her. She didn't recall it the next day. We took her phone away so that people couldn't reach her....for obvious reasons.

:sigh:
 
I had to leave town to get the break, Muse. I went to Marble Falls to race the boat. You saw all of that on FB. The cell towers become jammed, so calls couldn't get through. And even if they did get through, I'd have one of the teams light the candle on one of the boats. Can't hear jack shit when they fire up. Three days wasn't enough. Then school started back up. I was exhausted. Pretty much still am.
 
My sister, back home, got ticked that I told my mom a day later that her brother had died. That night he died was a bad night for her. She thought my son was one of her brothers and my husband the other. She claimed she hadn't seen me in a while did not know I was living there. Hubby woke me up so I could show her. We stand by our decision to wait a day for she was not doing well. Let alone me working on two hours of sleep that night. It would have accompished nothing if we had told her right away.

And until my sister can last more than two hours before booking from my mom's apartment, because mom is driving her nuts, she just needs to shut up.
 
Yep, she does. Not sure if this is Monday morning quarterbacking or back seat driving. Cross between the two? I know she is out of patience, and I understand, but she's as insensitive as my sister was. We had to place her because we found that she couldn't deal with stangers in her house and my summer break was over. It was the only thing we could do. At least you have others to share her with.
 
Hang in there, Muse. This too, shall pass.
 
I am fortunate, you are right, that I have my sister in VA that can help. I told her though the long stretch of five to six week is draining, and it might be longer I am not sure, and while mom is welcome here anytime we need to rethink the time stretch.


She has been here since the last week of january so it makes ten weeks now, five weeks for each of us, I am about to start my sixth week.

This has challenged me in so many ways and I have used every human emotions known to me in the time since we started this journey. It has been the good, the bad and the ugly. I have laughed with her and I have pulled my hair wondering when it will end.

But in the process are memories being made, pictures and videos taken that will help for down the road. It is a shame my sister in Maine lives under a bubble, one that houses only a selective few individual.

Thanks everyone for the words and kind thoughts here and in private.
 
Pyxis said:
Yep, she does. Not sure if this is Monday morning quarterbacking or back seat driving. Cross between the two? I know she is out of patience, and I understand, but she's as insensitive as my sister was. We had to place her because we found that she couldn't deal with stangers in her house and my summer break was over. It was the only thing we could do. At least you have others to share her with.
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I can't even put into words to describe her without getting angry. She has no patience, can't be bothered to even try. She is telling people now they see, my sister and I, what I have to go through.
I think, really? You spent more than a day with our mom? A month? Five weeks?


She doesn't last two hours before booking. So what exactly are you going through that we can understand? There is no way she can do a day let alone the time frame my sister and I are putitng in and are willing to continue to put in.

We have spent more time in 2014 with our mom than she has and we live 20 and 25 hours away from mom. She is one hour away. So again what are you going through?

Let's not even get into money and greed, I be here all day writing that out.

Let me stop. You all get the picture.
 
You know I do.

That one day when I had to play "Hide the Purse" 4 times in one single day, you'd have thought someone had broken in and stolen everything. She was so exasperated and kept sighing, and chain smoking, and rolling her eyes. AND SHE WASN'T EVEN HOME WHEN IT HAPPENED!!

Plus, bonus for us was that I found the wallet and stole the ID, insurance card and credit card, so in the event of a trip to the ER, I had the really important shit.

Did she chill out? Don't answer. Rhetorical question.
 
Pyxis said:
You know I do.

That one day when I had to play "Hide the Purse" 4 times in one single day, you'd have thought someone had broken in and stolen everything. She was so exasperated and kept sighing, and chain smoking, and rolling her eyes. AND SHE WASN'T EVEN HOME WHEN IT HAPPENED!!

Plus, bonus for us was that I found the wallet and stole the ID, insurance card and credit card, so in the event of a trip to the ER, I had the really important shit.

Did she chill out? Don't answer. Rhetorical question.
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Elle, thanks. wuv

Our games are 1/ are the bills paid 2/i will run out of pills and 3/ how will I get home.


They are so much fun and we play every day multiple times.

I just remind her gently the bills have been paid. The thing throwing her off is she pays them the first week of the month. I had to pay them last week and mail them since the mail takes five to six days to get there so had to do it this way. I could not go online to pay them or by phone for that would confuse her if she saw no check receipt for them. The pills we did three months at a time, and we made sure they are coming while she is here.

I just repeat myself and hold it in for I know it is not her fault. We did play the game of where is the purse the first week but it was fine after that. We also played is the door lock game at night and why are all the lights on game also. We keep three lights on at night. The stove overhead light is on, it is what we do and the light in living room for Jasper and a lamp in the birdroom. The reason being in case they get night fright they will see where they are at if they need to see where they are at. It doesn't happen often but when it does it can go bad if the lights are off. She was closing all the lights and that caused problems for them so now I shut the doors to the bird room so that seems to work. Jasper has learned to deal with it though am sure he will be glad when it is back to normal. :)


Oh the games people play now, every night and every day now.


We are playing the yarn game now. Mom is very creative. woohoo
 
And all of you are parents...who are used to having enormous reserves of the patience needed to raise children.
I'd be beyond a disaster!
 
Muse said:
I can't even put into words to describe her without getting angry. She has no patience, can't be bothered to even try. She is telling people now they see, my sister and I, what I have to go through.
I think, really? You spent more than a day with our mom? A month? Five weeks?


She doesn't last two hours before booking. So what exactly are you going through that we can understand? There is no way she can do a day let alone the time frame my sister and I are putitng in and are willing to continue to put in.

We have spent more time in 2014 with our mom than she has and we live 20 and 25 hours away from mom. She is one hour away. So again what are you going through?

Let's not even get into money and greed, I be here all day writing that out.

Let me stop. You all get the picture.
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Muse my youngest sister saw my Mom THREE times if that in 8 months while she was sick and dying. Wanted to complain about what we were doing and how we were doing it!! I was home every 4-6 weeks helping out and making memories. I was flying home the day she passed. I did all I could to for her, and I sleep well at night. The youngest one now so much, shes an asshole who only thinks about herself. Hang in there muse....big hugs to you wuv
 
Muse said:
Elle, thanks. wuv

Our games are 1/ are the bills paid 2/i will run out of pills and 3/ how will I get home.


They are so much fun and we play every day multiple times.

I just remind her gently the bills have been paid. The thing throwing her off is she pays them the first week of the month. I had to pay them last week and mail them since the mail takes five to six days to get there so had to do it this way. I could not go online to pay them or by phone for that would confuse her if she saw no check receipt for them. The pills we did three months at a time, and we made sure they are coming while she is here.

I just repeat myself and hold it in for I know it is not her fault. We did play the game of where is the purse the first week but it was fine after that. We also played is the door lock game at night and why are all the lights on game also. We keep three lights on at night. The stove overhead light is on, it is what we do and the light in living room for Jasper and a lamp in the birdroom. The reason being in case they get night fright they will see where they are at if they need to see where they are at. It doesn't happen often but when it does it can go bad if the lights are off. She was closing all the lights and that caused problems for them so now I shut the doors to the bird room so that seems to work. Jasper has learned to deal with it though am sure he will be glad when it is back to normal. :)


Oh the games people play now, every night and every day now.


We are playing the yarn game now. Mom is very creative. woohoo
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Oh yes...are the bills paid? She always collected the mail. She'd see charges, like for the doctor co-pay, and have no memory of it, so she'd call the bank, say the charges were fraudulent and have the card cancelled. She did this 3 times. Even after we had full power of attorney and they weren't supposed to talk to her. That was lot's of fun. We had to switch to online bill pay because she had all day long to call EVERYONE and turn off just about every service we had. I got her out of the house, my sister searched every nook and cranny, found the papers and just took them.

When I stole her ID, credit card and insurance card, she asked me what happened to her credit card. I got Best Actress for THIS one:

Me: Your credit card? You haven't had a credit card since Clinton was president. And thank GOD. Worst idea anyone ever thought up!
Her: No, I have a gold MasterCard. I used it last week.
Me: No, I remember the last time you used that card. We were at Home Depot picking out the new shower head for the old house when you enlarged the bathroom. Remember that sink you picked? I loved that bathroom!
Her: What the hell are you talking about?
Me: I'm talking about when Clinton forced all banks to stop credit cards. That bathroom cost you 33% in interest. You bitched about that for 8 months. That's when I started drinking. You just went on and on and on....

At this point my sister was laughing so hard she couldn't breathe.

After a pause, she says:
Her: Have you seen my checkbook?
Me: What checkbook?

That was it. My sister went inside and you could hear her howling laughter for blocks away.

I know...it's mean, but dear God, something had to be done.
 
In my defense of saying these kinds of things, she never remembered any of it. She still asked the next day. It was my coping method.
 
Pyxis said:
Oh yes...are the bills paid? She always collected the mail. She'd see charges, like for the doctor co-pay, and have no memory of it, so she'd call the bank, say the charges were fraudulent and have the card cancelled. She did this 3 times. Even after we had full power of attorney and they weren't supposed to talk to her. That was lot's of fun. We had to switch to online bill pay because she had all day long to call EVERYONE and turn off just about every service we had. I got her out of the house, my sister searched every nook and cranny, found the papers and just took them.

When I stole her ID, credit card and insurance card, she asked me what happened to her credit card. I got Best Actress for THIS one:

Me: Your credit card? You haven't had a credit card since Clinton was president. And thank GOD. Worst idea anyone ever thought up!
Her: No, I have a gold MasterCard. I used it last week.
Me: No, I remember the last time you used that card. We were at Home Depot picking out the new shower head for the old house when you enlarged the bathroom. Remember that sink you picked? I loved that bathroom!
Her: What the hell are you talking about?
Me: I'm talking about when Clinton forced all banks to stop credit cards. That bathroom cost you 33% in interest. You bitched about that for 8 months. That's when I started drinking. You just went on and on and on....

At this point my sister was laughing so hard she couldn't breathe.

After a pause, she says:
Her: Have you seen my checkbook?
Me: What checkbook?

That was it. My sister went inside and you could hear her howling laughter for blocks away.

I know...it's mean, but dear God, something had to be done.
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Such hard painful havoc wreaking stuff, Thank God for our natural ability to find the humor. And God that is funny.

Blessy you all.

Cheers, BostonTim
 
Elle, that was hilarious, it surely gave me a chuckle. One has to do this to stay sane.

:)
 
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