Kodak moments gone wrong

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I actually took this photo. Loooooooooooooooooooong story behind it.

deer1.jpg
 
PatrietteAz said:
OPT tell it please. You are not one to hold back so COME ONE.:)
Click to expand...

OK, you twisted my arm.

The story took place during a typical July heat wave, one of those week long 95 degree 95% humidity bits we get here in CT. It was a few years after I was married.

I get a call from my wife at work.

She asked me, "what are your plans for tonight?"

"I don't have anything planned, what's up?"

"You're butchering a deer"

"I'm what??????"

"Butchering a deer"

"Where'd you get a deer?"

"It got hit by a car"

"WHO'S CAR???!!!???"

"Someone else's. I came across the accident and asked Animal Control if I could have the deer. The driver of the other car didn't want it, so I got it."

"Where's the deer now?"

"I dragged it in the house"

"WHERE???!!!"

It's OK, I put it in the bathroom so we'll be able to clean up any blood.

You've butchered a deer before, haven't you?"

"No".

"Oh"

At this point, I lied to buy time. "Honey, someone just walked into my office, I'll call you back."

I sat there, wondering what the frell I was going to do and decided to talk to one of the guys in the office who is an avid deer hunter.

"Hey Rich, how long does it take to butcher a deer?"

"Start to finish, 20 hours or so"

"20 Hours????????"

"Yeah if you want to get all the meat, make the sausage, etc."

"OK, OK, how do I start."

"Well first you've got to hang the deer, bleed it out and let is hang for a few days"

"Hang it for a few days, in this heat?"

"No stupid, it isn't this hot during deer season"

I explained my predicament and his conclusion was succinct.

"Oh.... well you're ****ed"

I thought some more and then called my wife back.

"Hey honey, why don't you go see the butcher across the street and see if he can help us". There was a very good butcher in the strip mall down the road.

She called me back later and said that he couldn't help us now since he didn't have a segregated walk-in or prep area. Health regulations prohibit the mixing of store bought and game meat. During hunting season he set up segregated areas to deal with deers, but he couldn't help us now.

As I drove home later that day, I was wondering just how I was going to extricate myself from this without ending up in a world of hurt.

When I got home, my wife walked out to greet me and asked perhaps one of the worse trap questions of all time.

"You know I thought more about this deer. That's got to be the stupidest thing I've ever done, right?"

Time stopped.

I could see the birds frozen in mid air, their wings fully extended in their down stroke. The water droplets from the neighbors sprinkler formed those weird shapes only seen in strobe high speed photography. A drop of sweat hung extended just at the verge of breaking away from my wife's ear. The silence was deafening.

I was doooooooooomed.

There was no "safe" answer to this question.

If I said yes, I was calling her stupid.

If I said no, I was saying that she had done something stupider.

I racked my brain for an answer that would allow me to escape this Sword of Damocles.


"Ahhhhhhhhhhh....... It's up there".

We went inside and I saw the deer in the bathroom. I said I had to get a photo of this and added the beer bottles for effect.

I called up my sister-in-law and asked her to come over and bring her truck.

We dumped the deer in the woods.

That Christmas, I got my Sister-in-Law a t-shirt that said "Friends help friends move. Real Friends help friends move bodies"
 
O_P_T said:
OK, you twisted my arm.


That Christmas, I got my Sister-in-Law a t-shirt that said "Friends help friends move. Real Friends help friends move bodies"
Click to expand...

Priceless ROFL
 
PatrietteAz said:
OPT tell it please. You are not one to hold back so COME ONE.:)
Click to expand...

Now THAT has got to be the coolest picture I have ever seen in my life. Reminds me of the time we left a dead deer in my mom's bed, under the blankets... she got into bed, real tired from a looooooong day, thought it was my step-dad, snuggled up to it, before the momentary flicker of recognition set in, as she remembered my stepfather was out drinking, turned on the light, then proceeded to scream louder than I ever heard... I'll never forget my mom running out of her bedroom door in her nightclothes, screaming "WHO THE **** PUT THAT GOD DAMNED DEER IN MY ****ING BED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"


Good times. Good times. And +1... ROFL
 
I have NOT laughed that hard in a long long time OPT thank you SOO much for that story and DAMN boy you can write too.:)

Thank goodness I twisted your arm to tell it!!!

Clare...I'm speechless at that story.;)
 
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