I don't know how the Pats won last week. Clearly the script was written by a Brit because the bad, evil cheats won.
This week, a team of evil, incompetent, cheating cheats is found out. Good finally prevails as salt of the earth Pittsburgh shows effete latte-sipping Boston who's boss.
Brady* and Belicheet* decide it would be fun to alienate everyone. They start by wearing a "I love Trump" t-shirt whilst kneeling during the national anthem and bearing caps saying "liberals are pussies". This act, ironically, serves to unite the US in condemnation.
They are both whisked away to "a place " and not heard from again until gomezcat has to write more nonsense for the next game.
Gomezcat is invited to coach the Pats via WhatsApp. He messes up the opening kickoff by winning the toss and declining to receive or pick an end. The Steelers therefore get the ball for both halves (this actually happened to the Exiles. Our oppenents did this and we received for both halves).
Gomezcat orders Stephen Gostkowkski to go for an onside kick. Unfortunately, he types offside and the team go offside deliberately. The totally neutral commissioner, who has now been given carte blanche by the President and both houses, decides that this is UnAmerican and has the whole kick team executed.
Gomezcat then posts a funny cat video but Commissioner Goodell doesn’t find this funny. He fines the Patriots * a billion dollars.
The game itself is a bloodbath as the 1970s Steelers come back. However, this team they combine their utter meanness with 21st century sports science. 310 lb Mean Muthaf***a Joe Greene has a billion hits on Tim Tebow. Mel Blount shows his contemporaries how to actually play CB and Franco Harris averages 99 yards and 11 dead bodies per carry.
We're done.
Pats 0
Storming Steelers 667
