patsfanroach
Well-known member
Sorry if this was already posted here. I went a few pages back and did not see them...#9- MD???
Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are
bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us .
Here is the glorious winner:
1 . When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim
during a hold-up in Long Beach , California would-be robber James
Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder . He peered down the
barrel and tried the trigger again . This time it worked .
And now, the honorable mentions:
2 . The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting
machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his
insurance company . The company expecting negligence sent out one of its
men to have a look for himself . He tried the machine and he also lost a
finger . The chef's claim was approved .
3 .. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car
during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had
taken the space . Understandably, he shot her .
4 . After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from
Harare to Bulawayo had escaped . Not wanting to admit his incompetence,
the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a
free ride . He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital,
telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to
bizarre fantasies . . The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days .
5 . An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head
wounds received from an oncoming train . When asked how he received the
injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close
he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit .
6 . A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter,
and asked for change . When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man
pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk
promptly provided . The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving
the $20 bill on the counter . The total amount of cash he got from the
drawer . . . $15 . [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is
a crime committed?]
7 . Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly . . He decided
that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab
some booze, and run . So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his
head at the window . The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be
thief on the head, knocking him unconscious . The liquor store window was
made of Plexiglas . The whole event was caught on videotape .
8 . As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed
her purse and ran . The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was
able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher . Within minutes,
the police apprehended the snatcher . They put him in the car and drove
back to the store . The thief was then taken out of the car and told to
stand there for a positive ID . To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's
her . That's the lady I stole the purse from . "
9 . The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a
Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan at 5 A . M . , flashed a gun, and
demanded cash . The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open
the cash register without a food order . When the man ordered onion rings,
the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast . . . The man,
frustrated, walked away . [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]
10 . When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a
Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for . . Police arrived
at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near
spilled sewage . A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying
to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's
sewage tank by mistake . The owner of the vehicle declined to press
charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had .
In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with friends and
family . . . . unless of course one of these individuals by chance is a
distant relative or long lost friend . In that case, be glad they are
distant and hope they remain lost .
*** Remember . . . . They walk among us!!!***
Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are
bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us .
Here is the glorious winner:
1 . When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim
during a hold-up in Long Beach , California would-be robber James
Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder . He peered down the
barrel and tried the trigger again . This time it worked .
And now, the honorable mentions:
2 . The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting
machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his
insurance company . The company expecting negligence sent out one of its
men to have a look for himself . He tried the machine and he also lost a
finger . The chef's claim was approved .
3 .. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car
during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had
taken the space . Understandably, he shot her .
4 . After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from
Harare to Bulawayo had escaped . Not wanting to admit his incompetence,
the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a
free ride . He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital,
telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to
bizarre fantasies . . The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days .
5 . An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head
wounds received from an oncoming train . When asked how he received the
injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close
he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit .
6 . A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter,
and asked for change . When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man
pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk
promptly provided . The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving
the $20 bill on the counter . The total amount of cash he got from the
drawer . . . $15 . [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is
a crime committed?]
7 . Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly . . He decided
that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab
some booze, and run . So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his
head at the window . The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be
thief on the head, knocking him unconscious . The liquor store window was
made of Plexiglas . The whole event was caught on videotape .
8 . As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed
her purse and ran . The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was
able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher . Within minutes,
the police apprehended the snatcher . They put him in the car and drove
back to the store . The thief was then taken out of the car and told to
stand there for a positive ID . To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's
her . That's the lady I stole the purse from . "
9 . The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a
Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan at 5 A . M . , flashed a gun, and
demanded cash . The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open
the cash register without a food order . When the man ordered onion rings,
the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast . . . The man,
frustrated, walked away . [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]
10 . When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a
Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for . . Police arrived
at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near
spilled sewage . A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying
to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's
sewage tank by mistake . The owner of the vehicle declined to press
charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had .
In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with friends and
family . . . . unless of course one of these individuals by chance is a
distant relative or long lost friend . In that case, be glad they are
distant and hope they remain lost .
*** Remember . . . . They walk among us!!!***
