MERGED - The Correct way to beat the Wife

The*Big*Lebowski

HUMAN PARAQUAT
Joined
Oct 4, 2004
Messages
5,463
Reaction score
117
Points
63
Location
Coming soon to an ignore list near you!
The Correct way to beat the Wife

Apparently, there is a "right way" to beat your woman..... who knew? :shrug:

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,307680,00.html


This side of the world is centuries behind the west. And some people are surprised that they want us all to die. The "advisor" in question even compares beating your wife to beating your camel.
 
The stick can't be wider than your thumb, but you knew that already.
 
Move over, Dr. Phil, there's a new relationship expert in town.

He's Saudi author and cleric, "Dr." Muhammad Al-'Arifi, who in a remarkable segment broadcast on Saudi and Kuwaiti television in September, counseled young Muslim men on how to treat their wives.

"Admonish them – once, twice, three times, four times, ten times," he advised. "If this doesn't help, refuse to share their beds."

And if that doesn't work?

"Beat them," one of his three young advisees responded.

"That's right," Al-'Arifi said.

He goes on to calmly explain to the young men that hitting their future wives in the face is a no-no.

"Beating in the face is forbidden, even when it comes to animals," he explained. "Even if you want your camel or donkey to start walking, you are not allowed to beat it in the face. If this is true for animals, it is all the more true when it comes to humans. So beatings should be light and not in the face."

His final words of wisdom?

"Woman, it has gone too far. I can't bear it anymore," he tells the men to tell their wives. "If he beats her, the beatings must be light and must not make her face ugly.

"He must beat her where it will not leave marks. He should not beat her on the hand... He should beat her in some places where it will not cause any damage. He should not beat her like he would beat an animal or a child (TBL: WTF???) -- slapping them right and left.

"Unfortunately, many husbands beat their wives only when they get mad, and when they start beating, it as if they are punching a wall – they beat with their hands, right and left, and sometimes use their feet. Brother, it is a human being you are beating. This is forbidden. He must not do this."

Take that, Match.com!
 
I'm confused. The expert doesn't tell us when it's OK to administer the discipline. Are there different degrees of beat downs? How about if dinner is late? What if I find dust on the counters? I think there should be a cheat sheet that we can use.
 
How many lashings does it call for when the Patriots gets beat this weekend?

:D
 
If it werent for the oil they would be 1000 years behind the rest of civilization
 
WTF?

So when I beat my wife, I'm not allowed to hit her in the face now?

Friggin Muslim liberals.
 
I'll tell you what......we parachute a bunch of US of A Numero Uno Grade A Feminists in behind the lines over there followed closely by air-dropped containers of tazers, bo-shafts, collapsible batons and Pearl Rabbits (w/sh!tload of batteries) -- have 'em set up training camps where they get the women in to watch "The View", "Days of Our Lives", "Oprah", "The Home Shopping Network" and Hillary Clinton campaign commercials, show 'em how the toys work and turn them babies loose

GD male beatins problem will be solved in 2, maybe 2 1/2 days
 
bideau* on 11-02-2007 at 02:23 PM said:
I'm confused. The expert doesn't tell us when it's OK to administer the discipline. Are there different degrees of beat downs? How about if dinner is late? What if I find dust on the counters? I think there should be a cheat sheet that we can use.
You need to re-read the article.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,307680,00.html

He clearly states that first you are to try several admonishments. If that doesn't work, then you are to withhold sex. Only after that, are you allowed to give a beating (but remember, not in the face).

If you are still confused, try having your wife read the article to you.

:Lecture:
 
In the spirit of this thread:

Q: What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?

A: Nuthin', you already told her twice!

Q: What is the first thing a woman does when she gets home from the battered woman's shelter?

A: The dishes, if she knows whats good for her!




Sorry.

:sulk:
 
Starshatterer on 11-02-2007 at 03:21 PM said:
Bear in mind, if you're withholding sex from a recalcitrant wife, Sharia still permits you to have sex with your other wives.
And I believe the camel as well.
 
Back
Top