Misery and Success in Life

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John Locke

John Locke

Bringing Light and Justice to the World
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I have several different worlds of friends. Some are achieving great heights, some are intellectual giants, some are fighting for their lives and freedom in 3rd world countries, some are in the middle among others but many from my youth in a small town around Newfound Lake, New Hampshire are miserable. I mean they, like my my friend Chrissy, just seem to attract misery and bad shit.

Why is that, what's the difference?

Everyone has the ability to reach the heights of whatever capabilities they have and I always had high hopes for friends like, as an example, Chrissy. She doesn't drink, she doesn't do drugs and is doing pretty good job of raising her granddaughter.

Is it an attitude thing, or what?

I know, that even in my darkest moments I always knew the beauty that world and humanity holds. I wanted to live and flourish even when I couldn't see the light at end of the tunnel many times.

These people just have such negative views on people and are always saying stuff like, "people suck", "men suck" so maybe they attract it, I dunno.

Just really sad to see people I care about in such despair all the damn time.

Some have have earned that despair but others are overall pretty good people.

Compare that to my friends in Africa fighting for their lives and freedom. What the heck do you have to bitch about?

I guess to everyone their experiences are totality of their existence.

I just don't understand how one lives in misery and doesn't look elsewhere for solutions.

The insightful psychologist Abraham Maslow developed a very interesting idea with his Hierarchy of Needs. With self-actualization as the highest level to undertake after all the rest of needs have been fulfilled.

Well, most of these people that I'm talking about are at that stage or one below and failing terribly.

I just don't understand the differences.

I know I grew up in a great environment and many of them didn't but come on the great economist and social theorist Thomas Sowell grew up poor in a ghetto and just has had amazing life after all the cards of the deck were stacked against him.

What is the difference?

Sorry, just ruminating.
 
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I would guess that successful/happy people share some common traits for sure. some i can think of: adaptability, attitude, knowing when to pursue and when to let go, having at least a few good personal relationships, being able to have feelings of real accomplishment.
 
I believe misery in people can be laid mostly at the feet of them feeling unfulfilled

in not setting their own path, of not working to attaining a goal and , therefore, not having purpose

self reliace is key --- not being nurtured by family teaching or daily witnessing examples of peer goal-setting could lead to lack of the value of self awareness and positive self worth

the amount of intellecual discipline needed to do a simple self inventory of strengthes and weaknesses can cripple a future

take a tip from Bob Emery, who hosted "The Big Brother Show" on WBZ, Channel 4, Boston, in the '50's and '60's. He was a Boston radio and television celebrity for decades. He headed a club known as "The Small Fry Club"
he had a show opening theme song whose lyrics were these:

"The grass is always greener
in the other fellow's yard.
The little row
we have to hoe,
Oh boy that's hard.
But if we all could wear
green glasses now,
it wouldn't be so hard
to see how green the grass is
in our own back yard."

stop looking for role models that you think you should be ----stop watching the Kardashians, FFS

look inside yourself and decide what you want to be
 
It's a mystery. Decision making is sure a part of it. I look at my own life. Hard work, commitment, loyalty... don't really get you as far as you're told. I've been all those things and still have fear an uncertain future with little financial success in life or a solid financial foundation to retire on (I'm 56) but I've worked since I was 16. I strive to always be the best in any job/company I've worked for and I never miss work. Those things may be a part of, but do not on their own add up to success.

So, looking still at my life, decisions that went the wrong way;
At 17, joining the Army instead of the Navy - who offered me a shot at Navy Nuke-school and serving on a nuclear sub. That would have set my life in a completely different direction.
Not making a career out of the military, thinking retiring at 37 would mean being old. Like really old
After the military - not going to college. Huge mistake. How many more doors would have opened for me?
Putting off better jobs in my 20's and 30's to pursue a "got a sniff but that's it" music career.

Even with that, I still managed to invest in a financial future

The biggest one - getting the wrong woman pregnant - which basically ended my life-path that I had been on and cost me everything I owned, and me ending up in shit-hole central Illinois (Yeah that's some lingering bitterness)

So the point is, it all comes down to decisions. I should have joined the Navy - but I didn't listen.
I should have stayed in the Army like I was advised to - but I didn't listen.
I never should have even been with a chaotic person like my kids' mother - but again, I didn't listen.
 
My friend just posted this. I mean. Jeez! WTH!? This is standard fare with a few of my friends.

"My niece Krystle Marie
My aunt Cynthia
My sister Charlie
Lord this is one giant nightmare this year alone.i need all of you close to me. I am doing my best to be who I know you all would be proud of, please everyone bless my home be here with me always I love you all and still so broken"

I am just a pretty naturally happy person who adapts well and takes things as they come. Like my ex-wife said, I can find a way to have a good time no matter the situation. Much like Roberto Benigni as he and his young son lived in a concentration camp and Benigni made life beautiful for the kid in the worst of situations. Not everyone seems to have that ability.

I highly recommend the movie.


View: https://www.amazon.com/Life-Beautiful-Roberto-Benigni/dp/B079YXQR4Y/ref=sr_1_4?crid=3SCLG795F8VY5&dchild=1&keywords=a+beautiful+life&qid=1606580034&sprefix=a+beautiful+life%2Caps%2C175&sr=8-4
 
Happiness can be an elusive devil for many, that is for sure.

One aspect of my philosophy is that each of us should do those things that we are able to do for those that we care about. We should do so as often as possible.

It isn't always fireworks and endorphin rushes, but I enjoy little things like cooking for people, doing favors for them, making things for them. I enjoy acting like all of that is no big deal, it was a piece of cake, but when somebody recognizes something I've done then I feel that little rush of fulfillment.

I once heard that an Ox learns to love the yoke. Inspiration doesn't always last, but hard work does. Sweat equity.

Two weeks ago I did a tile backsplash in our kitchen. Never cut or laid tile before but I learned how one step at a time. Last week I painted the cabinets from a dark oak color to bright white. It was a brutal paint job and was a huge time sink, but at some point I knew that I kicked it's ass. It didn't kick mine. Everybody that comes over just looks at me and shakes their heads. It cost a fraction of hiring a pro and looks just as good.

I used to quit things and cut corners when things got ugly but I don't much of that anymore. I look for the next thing to learn-- the next thing to prove. A new way to grow. I look forward to tomorrow.

My Mother always said it simply and best: Better Days are Coming.
 
I've met people who enjoy every possible material success and are miserable.

I've met people who live in poverty who are happy.

The Buddha says the difference is desire. Another way of looking at it is never being satisfied. Christians label envy as a deadly sin.

It's often difficult to remember in the culture we live in, but if you are grateful for what you have you'll be happier. If you always want MORE you probably won't.
 
Hawg73 said:
Happiness can be an elusive devil for many, that is for sure.

One aspect of my philosophy is that each of us should do those things that we are able to do for those that we care about. We should do so as often as possible.

It isn't always fireworks and endorphin rushes, but I enjoy little things like cooking for people, doing favors for them, making things for them. I enjoy acting like all of that is no big deal, it was a piece of cake, but when somebody recognizes something I've done then I feel that little rush of fulfillment.

I once heard that an Ox learns to love the yoke. Inspiration doesn't always last, but hard work does. Sweat equity.

Two weeks ago I did a tile backsplash in our kitchen. Never cut or laid tile before but I learned how one step at a time. Last week I painted the cabinets from a dark oak color to bright white. It was a brutal paint job and was a huge time sink, but at some point I knew that I kicked it's ass. It didn't kick mine. Everybody that comes over just looks at me and shakes their heads. It cost a fraction of hiring a pro and looks just as good.

I used to quit things and cut corners when things got ugly but I don't much of that anymore. I look for the next thing to learn-- the next thing to prove. A new way to grow. I look forward to tomorrow.

My Mother always said it simply and best: Better Days are Coming.
Click to expand...

Outstanding, Hawg. Wonderful post.
 
johnlocke said:
I have several different worlds of friends. Some are achieving great heights, some are intellectual giants, some are fighting for their lives and freedom in 3rd world countries, some are in the middle among others but many from my youth in a small town around Newfound Lake, New Hampshire are miserable. I mean they, like my my friend Chrissy, just seem to attract misery and bad shit.

Why is that, what's the difference?

Everyone has the ability to reach the heights of whatever capabilities they have and I always had high hopes for friends like, as an example, Chrissy. She doesn't drink, she doesn't do drugs and is doing pretty good job of raising her granddaughter.

Is it an attitude thing, or what?

I know, that even in my darkest moments I always knew the beauty that world and humanity holds. I wanted to live and flourish even when I couldn't see the light at end of the tunnel many times.

These people just have such negative views on people and are always saying stuff like, "people suck", "men suck" so maybe they attract it, I dunno.

Just really sad to see people I care about in such despair all the damn time.

Some have have earned that despair but others are overall pretty good people.

Compare that to my friends in Africa fighting for their lives and freedom. What the heck do you have to bitch about?

I guess to everyone their experiences are totality of their existence.

I just don't understand how one lives in misery and doesn't look elsewhere for solutions.

The insightful psychologist Abraham Maslow developed a very interesting idea with his Hierarchy of Needs. With self-actualization as the highest level to undertake after all the rest of needs have been fulfilled.

Well, most of these people that I'm talking about are at that stage or one below and failing terribly.

I just don't understand the differences.

I know I grew up in a great environment and many of them didn't but come on the great economist and social theorist Thomas Sowell grew up poor in a ghetto and just has had amazing life after all the cards of the deck were stacked against him.

What is the difference?

Sorry, just ruminating.
Click to expand...
This is a deep topic. I think about this a lot. Awesome topic John btw...it is worth discussion.
 
There is no cookie-cutter boilerplate answer. Everyone is different going in different directions. Some were destined for success. Some were destined for destruction. Can anyone be what they want to be? I think that even depends on some variables. It all depends...
 
The successful people, no matter what happens...always keep brushing themselves off and try again. Maybe they learn a different strategy? Maybe they try a different angle? You have look at the big picture. Zoom out. Your life is like a movie. It was a bad scene, or a difficult scenario. Keep moving forward. Try something else. Don't ever be afraid to fail. Don't ever be afraid to try. Don't ever be afraid to love. Don't ever be afraid to live!
 
Big/Sky/Fly said:
The successful people, no matter what happens...always keep brushing themselves off and try again. Maybe they learn a different strategy? Maybe they try a different angle? You have look at the big picture. Zoom out. Your life is like a movie. It was a bad scene, or a difficult scenario. Keep moving forward. Try something else. Don't ever be afraid to fail. Don't ever be afraid to try. Don't ever be afraid to love. Don't ever be afraid to live!
Click to expand...

Yeah and that is totally me. I have fallen down more times than I care to count. I always stood back up and got after it in some way, shape, or form.

And I'm never afraid to fail. I, for the most part, trust my mind and judgment. (maybe not such a great thing sometimes. :) )

There have been some great takes so far in this thread and I think most or all apply.

I hope it keeps going.
 
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I honestly think this is crap. Positive type of message but wrong at i's core. We make our lives, yes bad shit can and does happen but the world we build is on us and our perspective on it.

Bad shit can happen but how we handle it and our attitudes toward it is everything. Doesn't need to be devastating.

16-22.jpg
 
^Better days are not always on the way. There are some people who just choose to take the more self-destructive path, always. You can see it all around you here in small town, Midwest, USA.
 
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