Stupid sports quotes

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bighit26

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I hardly ever start threads, but this was too good to pass up on.
Last night I was watching an NBA game on NBC and one of their so-called experts Tom Tolbert made the following statemant about the N.O. Hornets. "If they played like this every night, there would be no questions about their consistency." That has to be the stupidest statement every made. I know plenty of drunks in bars that wouldn't say that! Just wondering if anyone in PP land has any other stupid quotes from experts they'd like to share.
 
I'm going to paraphrase here, but Michael Gee from the Herald had this gem last fall (and echoed by many "experts"):

"It would be better if they lost a game along the way, because its impossible to win 15 in a row".

:confused: :rolleyes:
 
Greg Millen, Ottawa Senators color commentator, is known for being a master of the obvious. Of course, Hockey Night in Canada, in its infinite wisdom, decided to bring him on for the playoffs. A few days ago, with the score tied late in the 3rd and one team going on the power play: "This is a critical point in the game."

Another one, can't remember who it was that said this, but it was during a Toronto-Boston game. "In order for the Bruins to win this, they're going to have to outscore the Maple Leafs."

And of course, the quote in my sig.

JPK
 
kirjtc2 said:
Another one, can't remember who it was that said this, but it was during a Toronto-Boston game. "In order for the Bruins to win this, they're going to have to outscore the Maple Leafs."

JPK
Click to expand...

This is a classic in all sports. How many times do we hear someone like John Madden (who is the WORST) say something like, "This is all going to come down to who scores the most points." :confused:

Or we'll see some analyst put up a list of things a team must do to win, and almost always there's "score more points". Usually, they think they're being cute, but there are times when I actually think the analyst is being serious.
 
Or Madden saying something like (about a WR) "That's his job, to catch the ball." ....yeah thanks John, never would have known that. :rolleyes:

Or one of my favorites:

"Nobody in *football* should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
-- Football commentator and former player Joe Theisman.
 
One of my favorites:

Their future's ahead of them.
--- Curt Gowdy

(I guess it would be hard to argue with that insightful gem.)
:huh:
________
Honda Orthia specifications
 
One of my favorites was from the mouth of a guy named Alex Hawkins "The Hawk" who used to be a RB for the Colts and turned into a jock/broadcaster. He was also a legendary meathead.

The game he was doing color on was very close as the clock ticked down and Hawkins captured the moment perfectly by exclaiming: "We got a real cliff-dweller going on here"

Cliff dweller. ROFL. That really struck me funny.

Another would be by old Cooney Weiland who used to do color broadcasts for the Bruins with Don Earle and was just as dumb as Hawkins.

During one game Bruins forward Ed Westfall was knocked to the ice and slid head first into the boards and was knocked unconcious. While waiting for him to be removed from the ice, channel 38 showed about forty replays of his head conking off the boards and his body going limp.

Ray Charles could have seen what happened to him, but Cooney gravely pronounced "I t'ink he hurt his head, Don". For years after whenever something blindingly obvious was said my friends and I would repeat that line in a dumb sounding voice.

For sheer sustained incompetence you had to love the work of former NFL player and color man Beasley Reese - who never said anything that was either insightful or funny. I mean he NEVER said anything. Team him with Madden and you would have the world's most unintentionally funny broadcast team.
 
Yogi Berra (who I love):

The line at the resturant is so long, nobody goes there anymore
 
There was an athlete in the studio during an NFL pre-game/
half time show a few years back, I am pretty sure it was Bo Jackson (if someone remembers this please correct me). He was commenting on a player that was doing really well that day and he said

"He isn't just bringing home the bacon, he is bringing home the whole cow!"
 
kirjtc2 said:


Another one, can't remember who it was that said this, but it was during a Toronto-Boston game. "In order for the Bruins to win this, they're going to have to outscore the Maple Leafs."
Click to expand...

I believe the quote you have in mind comes from ex-Bruins color guy Derek Sanderson who said, "You know, if you can put the puck in the net alot, you're gonna score alot of goals." As the Guiness beer guy says, "BRILLIANT!"

I'm not the biggest hockey fan in the world, but I used to tune into the first two minutes of a Bruins telecast just to hear The Turk give us "Derek's Key's to the Game." My personal favorite: "No. 3: Skate" which killed the Bruins previous strategy of slithering on their bellies like invertabrates.

How about Rickey Henderson when someone suggested that 50% of players are on steroids: "Well I'm not, so that's 49% right there."
 
Not directly sports related, but I just remembered this one from a CBC sportcaster during the Sydney Olympics.

"It's beautiful in Sydney today. There isn't a breath of air."

JPK
 
IGIG... I got a good chuckle thinking about Sanderson and the slithering hockey players.


How about a couple of often mentioned gems?

Joe Theisman: "I don't think they can call Belichick a genius. Genius is reserved for guys like Alfred Einstein."

Patrick Ewing: "Ya, we make a lot of money... but we spend a lot of money too."
 
Undertaker #59 said:
Or Madden saying something like (about a WR) "That's his job, to catch the ball." ....yeah thanks John, never would have known that. :rolleyes:

Click to expand...


I know its a videogame, but its still John Madden. Some of his quotes are just so stupid they are good.

"I bet the offense is telling the defense to get us the ball back so they can score again." I never would have known that...:rolleyes:
 
"You can't sweep the double header, unless you win the first one"

a, Duh
 
Another bunch. Jerry Coleman (who just retired a couple years ago IIRC) was the longtime voice of the San Diego Padres and came up with a few of these:

"There's a deep fly ball... Winfield goes back, back... his head hits the wall ... it's rolling towards second base."

In Kansas City: "The sky is so clear today you can see all the way to Missouri"

"They throw Winfield out at second, but he's safe."

"They've taken the foot off Johnny Grubb. Uh, they've taken the shoe off Johnny Grubb."

"Davis fouls out to third in fair territory."

"And it's a long drive down the line to centerfield."

"That's the fourth extra base hit for the Padres -- two doubles and a triple."

"Houston has its largest crowd of the night here this evening."

"Montreal leads Atlanta by three, 5-1."

"The Padres, after winning the first game of the doubleheader, are ahead here in the top of the fifth and hoping for a split."

"The first pitch to Tucker Ashford is grounded into left field. No, wait a minute. It's ball one. Low and outside."

"At the end of six innings of play, it's Montreal 5, Expos 3."

"Tony Taylor was one of the first acquisitions that the Phillies made when they reconstructed their team. They got him from Philadelphia."

"McCovey swings and misses, and its fouled back"

"Hector Torrez, how can you communicate with Enzo Hernandez when he speaks Spanish and you speak Mexican?"

"Sanguillen is totally unpredictable to pitch to because he's so unpredictable."

"Over the course of a season, a miscue will cost you more than a good play."

"That noise in my earphones knocked my nose off and I had to pick it up and find it."

"I don't mean he missed him, but he just didn't get him when he put the tag on him."

"Sunday is Senior Citizens' Day. And if you want to become a senior citizen, just call the Padre ticket office."

"The last time Pena faced the Padres, the Dodgers scratched for a run to tie the game and then went on to win 4-0."

"Trailing 5-1, the Padres added an insurance run in the eighth inning."

"That home run ties it up, 1-0."

"I've never seen a game like this. Every game this year has been like this."
 
the Patriots are in trouble. It's one thing to have problems and know you have them. It's quite different to be descending toward the belly of a canyon without realizing it. That's where Robert Kraft and his team are this morning. In the past 48 hours, they have actually flirted with becoming worse without Carroll. I say flirted because Kraft might have completed the disaster if Bill Parcells hadn't done him a huge favor by resigning as head coach of the Jets yesterday.

If Parcells hadn't resigned, Kraft would have tried to hire his top assistant, Bill Belichick. Instead, Belichick is the No. 1 football man for the New York Jets, an organization he will destroy if Parcells doesn't hold his hand—especially when it's time to draft players.

Kraft faxed a letter to Jets president Steve Gutman yesterday morning requesting permission to speak with Belichick. He had intentions of giving Belichick coaching and personnel power; it would have left his organization looking like the ruins of Rome.

You may have heard stories about Belichick and his dour personality. You may have heard that he is one of three people in America who still listens to Bon Jovi. All of that is irrelevant. What you have not heard about is Belichick's drafts during his five seasons with the old Cleveland Browns.

They were awful.

Why was Kraft going to hire this man to be the caretaker of his organization? The fact that he was even thinking about it shows that he has already gotten off to a bad start with his job search for a new coach/general manager. The first thing Kraft should do this morning is find the list with Belichick's name atop it and torch it. I'd hate to see the second name on the list.

...Compared with Belichick, Bobby Grier is a gridiron Red Auerbach.



---- Michael Holley, 2000.
 
And to think after Holley wrote that, they actually became friends. That's amazing.
 
Oiler coach Bum Phillips: When asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded, "Because she is too ugly to kiss goodbye."
 
New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season:"I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."
 
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