Why your team sucks

[O_P_T]

In the Polamalu injured thread, jaric post a link to a "why your team sucks" article about the Ravens.

I poked around that site and read some of the other articles about other teams.

Some were great, and I had to share.

Here's Pittsburgh

Some people are fans of the Pittsburgh Steelers. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Pittsburgh Steelers. This final 2009 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group.

1. If the word Sixburgh doesn't make you nauseous… It is never, EVER, a good thing when one NFL franchise has sole possession of the record for Most Super Bowls Won. Since 2005, there has been a very comfortable three-way tie for that crown between the Steelers, Cowboys, and 49ers. This was for the best. It meant one group of fans could not take all their Super Bowl titles and Lord them over you like complete ****heads. Trust me, when the 49ers had more Super Bowl titles than anyone, you heard about it often. And now, you will hear it over and over again from asshole Steelers fans in their Hines Ward replica jerseys and hard hats. Simply show up to any Steelers game or bar wearing the colors of another team, and you will be subjected to any number of uninvited taunts that YOUR team does not have six Super Bowl rings, and that YOUR team is not the flagship franchise of the NFL, and that YOUR team is not family-owned and does everything the right way.

Worst of all is the notion that the Steelers somehow reflect the populace of their city by playing hard-nosed, blue collar football. THEY BROUGHT THEIR LUNCH PAILS TODAY, GANG! THEY'RE SO PITTSBURGHISH! This is the biggest steaming load of eviscerated shit I've ever heard. Nearly all the steel mills in that town are gone. Find me a Steelers fan who's an actual ****ing steelworker, and I'll put a unicorn in your driveway. That town was repurposed ages ago as a center for tech, banking, and ketchup distribution. It is not a tough town. It's as yuppified as ****ing Portland (Oregon or Maine, take your pick), only it's stuck in the center of Pennsyltucky and everyone there is fat and smells like sticky buns.

Worst of all, most Steelers fans can't even stand to live in that ****ing town anymore. There are Steelers bars all over the nation because most Steelers fans worth a shit fled that sleepy den of hellish boredom ages ago. There's nothing to do in that town except be thankful you aren't in Cleveland. And that's if the Steelers fan you know even spent ANY time in Pittsburgh. The three Steelers fans I know all grew up in Maryland. Gee, I wonder why they gravitated to the Steelers? I wonder if wanting to be front-running dipshits at age five had anything to do with it. THIS MEANS YOU, APE! AND DJ GALLO! AND MY FRIEND KEVIN, WITH WHOM YOU ARE NOT FAMILIAR! J'ACCUSE!

And with this sixth title, more bandwagon jumpers are on the way. Newly minted Steelers fans think they can get away with being carpetbaggers because the Steelers are so darn "lovable". WRONG. WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG. Your team is not lovable, and you are fat, and I don't like you.

2. Most annoying fans at the bar? Most annoying fans at the bar. You'd think Eagles fans would have this title all sewn up. You'd be incorrect. Stop by any bar on a Sunday afternoon this fall and you will be treated to a large number of Steelers shouting out pointless shit like, "****ING BIG BEN!" or "HERE WE GO STEELERS, HERE WE GO!" or "THAT'S MY BOY, JAMES HARRISON!" It says something about a franchise when Terry Bradshaw is its most insightful representative. Steelers fans don't even bother to stop talking while they're eating. They'll just happily prattle one while chunks of fried cheese and chicken scraps simply fall out of their mouths. It's like being trapped in a bar with a five-month-old who has a pituitary problem.

And that's not even the male fans. Yes, say hello to the NFL's #1 favorite team among all women. And not just ANY women. I'm talking the loud, 300-lb., cock-blocking beastulas that are destined to one day drive retarded kids to school in the short bus. As annoying as loud fans are in the bar, they're even more annoying when they are fat, shrill women. An ugly sentiment, but true. Just one female Steelers fan in a bar is the irritant equivalent of a bachelorette party showing up and singing "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" in unison.

3. Daulerio hates you, Pittsburgh. Steelers Nation, you will not find a fan in the editor of this site.

AJ: I just think their six rings are overrated. They only won one legitimately, in my eyes, and that was against the Cardinals. The rest are greenies, steroids, steroids, greenies, refs. I think they're the most overrated sports dynasty in history.

Me: I like it. Your assertion is both spiteful and groundless.

AJ: Yes. And it's a shitty, shitty town. The best thing to come out of it, in my opinion, was Wonder Boys. I mean, even the governor of Pennsylvania hates Pittsburgh. That ****ing airport is filled with more invalids and children than I've ever seen. They treat that people mover like it's a goddamn ferris wheel.

Me: AHAHAHAHA

AJ: And it smells like Arby's. The WHOLE ****ing city smells like Arby's.

4. Somehow, they still find a way to bitch. Oh, boohoo. Neil O'Donnell cost you a Super Bowl. POOR ****ING YOU. You should have seven titles! You're so deprived! No fanbase is more spoiled rotten than this one. Visit any Steelers message board and you will STILL find fans who don't think Ben Roethlisberger is a good QB. If the team shows any deficiency (offensive line), Steelers fan will concentrate solely on THAT aspect of the team, so that they might whine about it the whole year long. Oh no! My team isn't as flawless as I'd like it to be! DON'T YOU SYMPATHIZE? Nope. Not a lick.

5. REFS! FLUKY TITLES! SOFT SCHEDULE! COCK!

6. The Steel Curtain is the worst metaphor ever. They're curtains. They either open in the center, or they can be drawn upwards to allow you to pass through. That is the function of a curtain. It doesn't matter what material it's made from: steel, adamantium, chiffon. ALL CURTAINS ARE EASILY PENETRATED SPECIFICALLY BECAUSE THEY ARE DESIGNED THAT WAY. Call it the Steel Wall. Or the Steel Monolith. Call it something that connotes impenetrability. A curtain intimidates no one, retards.

7. A final SCREW YOU from the readers. JW:

Most people would probably look at the Steelers' organization with respect if it wasn't for their absolutely obnoxious fans. We know, we know…Cleveland sucks all the time, Cincinnati sucks most of the time, and Baltimore sucks half the time…save it. Just because you were cursed to be born in Pittsburgh and grew up with a team that built the Steel Curtain out of heeping doses of testosterone and bull semen, doesn't mean you're better than the rest of us degenerates born in the rust belt. You root for a winning team, but you had nothing to do with helping them win…yet somehow you think you're better than the rest of us.

Here's another secret…those terrible towels would be the gayest thing about Pittsburgh if it weren't for Kordell and all those actual steel workers.

Stay classy Pittsburgh...in the meant time; go **** yourselves.

Graham:

1. Who's their running back? The Steelers can choose from the skinny fast guy who is always injured, or the slow 2nd year guy who's always injured, or Mewelde Moore.

2. The quarterback has bad judgment. Be it firing his skull off a car windshield without a helmet, or dipping his pen in some strange ink, nobody quite knows how to **** up a season like Ben. Steeler fans will sit there and argue about how Ben is the greatest QB since Elway, while meanwhile the rest of the NFL fans sit there and watch Ben throw picks, fumble, fail to move the offense, and generally look like shit. He then will make one or two plays out of 60 the whole ****ing game. Meanwhile, the defense constantly bails his ass out. Steelerfan: BEN YOU ARE AWESOME!!!!!!!!! If this guy played for the Chiefs, his name would be Tyler Thigpen.

3. Steeler fans. I've never seen a more arrogant fanbase that has less knowledge of the game. YAY BEN!!!!!!!!!!! (waving yellow towel) WE'RE THE BEST!!!!!!!!!! (singing some horribly gay song) KISS OUR 6 RINGS!!!!!!!!!!! (conveniently ignoring the 70s teams that were pumped so full of steroids that half of them are no longer with us) OUR PLAYERS ARE GREAT GUYS!!!!!!!!! (stupidly sitting there watching while Hines Ward cheap shots some poor guy, Santonio gets arrested, Ben gets sued and Joey Porter gets shot)

Anonymous:

Their fans are EVERYWHERE. No, seriously, everywhere. Like Starbucks locations or cockroaches. This is largely because their city is a trash pit, and anyone with any sense moves away at their earliest opportunity. To, oh, I don't know, Alaska. No matter where you go in this great nation, you're bound to not be able to throw a stick and hit some Steelers fans. (Hopefully it's a sharp stick.) Look at this list; there are ten Steelers bars in Alaska. I didn't know there were ten bars in total in Alaska. Although, now that I scroll down further, there are an awful lot of Buffalo Wild Wings locations listed as "Steelers bars." Come the **** on.

Their colors are Black and Gold. So are the Pirates. So are the Penguins. Come on, you unimaginative ****s, there are literally hundreds of colors. The town looks like a fat, numbered bumblebee convention, all year round.

There's nothing like an 19-year-old reminiscing about the championships "we" won back when said 19-year-old was nothing more that a gleam in his unemployed, fat, coleslaw-on-a-sandwich-loving father's eye.

"One for the thumb." More like "stick a thumb in my ass while I beat off to old highlights of the Steel Curtain."

I can't believe they've won two Super Bowls with that Missing Link-looking, mouth-breathing, alleged rapist troglodyte as a quarterback.

Pat G.

Steelers fans whine about never getting any national attention probably more than any other fans do. This is because the Steelers play a rather boring style of football, like the Ravens also play. The Steelers play a low scoring defensive oriented style of football that is not particularly exciting to casual fans and doesn't yield a lot of fantasy points. No one else cares. Get over it. This is assuming this supposed lack of respect, coverage, or recognition even exists. Which I'm suspecting it doesn't since I'm pretty sure Troy Polamalu has appeared in roughly 457 commercials in the past 3 years.

The recent championships just give NBC a chance to show footage of fat women with 80s bangs shoving Primanti sandwiches into their gullets.

Joe W.

Their fans. And I'm not even talking about the chromosomally challenged towel-wavers who populate Heinz Field. These are your "Deniro and Walken in Deer Hunter" types who inhabit the purgatory of Western PA but never left the area except possibly for Vietnam and aren't actually bothering the rest of us. No, I'm talking about the Steeler fan near you who plasters the hideous black and gold stickers everywhere he can think of, from his front door to the barely-running jalopy parked in his front yard. This Steeler fan shares every sub-human, depraved trait of his confluence bretheren, but the difference is that he's actually at your stadium waving a yellow towel in your face while grinning like a crazed mongoloid. How he was able to scrape together enough change on his minimum wage salary to afford an NFL ticket or read a map well enough to find a stadium are questions that must remain unanswered. However, these people are a bane on civilized society and should be immediately rounded up and deported back to the from whence they came.

How and why did they leave in the first place? I have my theory. Much like the first amphibian crawled out of the primordial ooze and became a land dweller because it instinctively knew that there had to be something better out there, so fled the Pittsburghers from the hellhole of their birth. Unfortunately for the rest of us, this mass exodus managed to stir subconscious but strong pangs of guilt amongst the Pittsburgher (second only to hunger/gluttony but well above dignity or a desire for proper personal hygeine). In order to assuage this guilty conscience, he decided to latch on the one thing from this godforsaken shithole of a hometown that has ever met with any success whatsoever, and that would be the Pittsburgh Steelers. Yes, he supports the Steelers out of some sort of misbegotten belief that repping his hometown somehow excuses his abandonment of the fellow mouth-breathing troglodytes who he left behind. God forbid you'd ever see any of these Steeler superfans finding their way to a Pirates game...

Dave V.:

So many Pittsburgh fans are from Ohio, and they are the biggest bandwagon fans in the world. These troglodytes have never even been to Pennsylvania, and yet they adorn their overweight, uneducated bodies with gaudy yellow and black, and call themselves true Steeler fans.

Chazz:

Equally sad is the number of people who all of a sudden claimed to be "from" Pittsburgh as they pepper their speech with the "Stillers" and "Yinzes." Nine times out of 10 they live in a suburb of the city and before 2006 would rather have said they were from Philadelphia or
Islamabad before they copped to being from Pittsburgh.

Will M.:

I went to the Giants/Panthers preseason game (I'm a Panthers fan, fiancee's family have Giants season tickets and they didn't feel like sitting outside on a 90 degree night). For the entire first quarter (ie, the football that was remotely interesting) some asshat behind me was shouting "WOOOOOOOOOO SIXBURGH! GO PITTSBURGH STEELERS! STEELERS SUPER BOWL CHAMPIONS! WOOOOOOOO!"

Needless to say, I wanted to stab him in the throat.

The other reason: A friend of mine is a big Pittsburgh sports fan. So he's had a good year, football and hockey wise.

However, he recently claims to have "given up on" the Pirates after years of bleeding black and blue, because they suck today. He started following the Cubs (a division rival? **** YOU!) and the Red Sox (FACK YOU!!!). Now, if he's willing to give up on a team he previously bled for, how serious can he be in his commitment to the Steelers? **** him and **** my Steelers fan friend.

And finally, X-Ray:

I ****ed a girl from Pittsburgh once. She was a Steelers fan. She was cockeyed and smelled like Rolling Rock and failure.

I think that's a fitting way to close out this series. Get your hate on, people. The NFL starts this week.

 

[O_P_T]

Here's the Jets

Some people are fans of the New York Jets. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the New York Jets. This 2009 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group.

1. J-E-T-S! GAY GAY GAY! Worst chant ever? Worst chant ever. Good thing the word "jets" only has four letters in it, or else the Jersey steakheads cheering this team on would have no ****ing chance in hell of ever spelling it right. The Jets are the team you root for if you're the sort of person who not only embodies Jersey trash, but embraces just such an embodiment, self-consciously overexaggerates it because you think it's somehow charming. You know the kind of people I'm talking about. I'm not just talking about the B&T chick with press-on nails and a cheap French manicure (the manicure for people who don't want to look French!). I'm talking about the kind of chick who does that AND purposely uses words like "mootzarell," or actually says "fuhgeddaboutit" even though no one ever really says that unconsciously. I'm talking about the kind of person who tells you they have relatives in the mob even though they don't. I'm talking about the kind of person who is simultaneously trash and poseur trash. It's a neat twin-bill. That's the kind of dipshit you get when you run into a Jets fan on the street, a strained caricature of a low-rent human being. Someone who decided being regular Jersey trash wasn't good enough, and decided to become the Disneyfied version of it instead. Hey Jets fans, you're about as authentic as the inside of a ****ing Bertucci's. Get ****ed and die.

2. Hey Sanchez, goony goo goo! Rookie QB Mark Sanchez has already bagged $28 million in guaranteed money, AND he's banging model Hilary Rhoda to boot. He gets to live in Manhattan and experience all the joys of being a rich, handsome young man in the best city in America. Now, ask yourself, if YOU were Mark Sanchez, would you really give much of a shit about being good at football? I wouldn't. The guy has cash and pussy all around him. He's won life already. Does he really need to work 90-hour weeks and try and get a Super Bowl title? And waste away precious time that could be spent banging chicks in the bathroom at the Hudson Hotel library bar? I say that's downright foolish. Irresponsible, even. You're practically compelled to waste your career away when you're in that sort of position. Call it Leinartitis. It's just hard to sit down and think only about football when you've got so many other fun things to do. Not many QB's are dedicated in quite that way. Tom Brady bagged himself plenty of supermodels, but until well after he had proven himself. Mark Sanchez doesn't really have to do SHIT if he doesn't feel like it.

There's also the fact that Sanchez spent most of his college career throwing to wide-open receivers with the rush fifteen yards away from him. He may as well have been playing 500. Any pressure to live up to supposedly soul-breaking media scrutiny is easily dodged with a thrice-daily hot tub orgy. In other words… he's gonna be a ****ing bust.

3. **** you, Rex Ryan. Thomas Jones had a stellar year last year. Rookie Shonn Greene shows a lot of promise (when not nursing some sort of Beanie Wells type injury). And a lot of people think Leon Washington is a decent fantasy sleeper. Well, go ahead and throw all three of those gentlemen away, gang. Because Ryan has already said that he'd rotate the three backs just as the Ravens rotated their three backs last year. That means, if you own a Jets running back, you are ****ed sideways. Say hello to the new Mike Shanahan. Although, I must say, I like the cut of Ryan's jib. He's like his dad, only he isn't a moron. Given the doodoo reception Eric Mangini has gotten in Cleveland, the somewhat rash decision to switch coaches last year is suddenly looking like a swell idea.

4. Seriously though, their fans are assholes. Reader Bryan used to work security at the Meadowlands. Here's what he had to say:

I used to work security at the Meadowlands 3 years ago. The most overwhelming thing about these idiots is that they don't know how to react when they see women. Any girl that was even remotely attractive (which in this crowd amounted to being slightly better looking than Large Marge from Pee-Wee's Big Adventure) and didn't come to flash their milky gifts better get used to being showered with beer and the "C" bomb. Not to mention the assholes that would threaten to follow them to their cars. Imagine - a girl who didn't show up to strip for this crowd of fat ****s - the nerve!!! These jackoffs make the guys who assaulted Jodi Foster in "The Accused" look mild mannered. The amount of girls that would ask security for escorts to the bathroom every week was insane. Really, Woody Johnson should give away rape kits as a promotional item…

Incidents involving security at a Jets game vs. a Giants game is around 10:1 every year. And it's not fighting with the opposing teams' fans - it's a lot of fights with their own fat, toothless brethren. Perfect example - I worked the Jets - Pats blowout in 2007. We had to break up 3 different fights in the same section during the 4th quarter - and all 3 involved Jets fans fighting with one another.

5. Hey, you ****s won a Super Bowl. Stop acting like you're the most tortured fanbase in sports. You've got nothing on Buffalo and Cleveland fans.

6. Everyone hates Fireman Ed! More from the readers...

Fireman Ed? The jack-ass who sits on another man's shoulders and leads the "J-E-T-S" chant that was obviously created after a night of acid trips and watching the Electric Company? His favorite player growing up was Paul Warfield, who just happened to play for the Miami Dolphins. It would be like finding out Jack Nicholson rooted for Bill Russell growing up. This guy is your de facto spirit squad captain, Jets fans? ****ing lame…

Fireman Ed. **** you. I see you in the endzone with your cock and balls firmly placed against your gargantuan tard friend who hoists you up. I see you lead the most annoying cheer this side of "fly eagles fly." Stop at all costs. I've been told by a few people that you supposedly got fired from the NYFD. Good for you. ****face…

I'll tell one quick story: the Jets moved from Shea Stadium to Giants Stadium in 1984 in an effort to force New York City to give them a better deal on a proposed Jets-only stadium. The city called their bluff, and the team has been playing in another team's stadium ever since.

Fast-forward to 2004: plans for a new Jets stadium on the West Side of Manhattan fall through thanks to cronyism. The Jets backup plan is a stadium in their original home, Queens. OK, fine, we can all live with that. Then we find out that the Queens plan was only leverage, and the REAL plan was to build a new stadium in New Jersey. At the Meadowlands. With the Giants.

Of all the shitty, soul-crushing, kick-in-the-nads moments in this franchise's history, this one is the most mind-boggling. Memo to Woody Johnson: get feline AIDS. Then die of feline sarcoma. You grundlefaced meatus licker.

Meatus licker? That reminds me of something…

7. If I have to hear Berman talk about how they played at the Yale Bowl one more ****ing time. There's no homerism quite like Nutmeg State homerism.

 

[O_P_T]

Here's the Raiders

Some people are fans of the Oakland Raiders. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Oakland Raiders. This 2009 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group.

1. Say hello to the most laughable franchise in all of sports. There are bad franchises littered across all the major sports. Your Lions. Your Clippers. Your Grizzlies. And such and such. But few franchises are as hilariously inept as the Raiders. What separates the Raiders from the merely shitty is the belief of Al Davis (and, in turn, the team's fans) that the Raider brand still has a mystique to it. Fans of that team still think the Raiders exude some kind of badass aura that makes them both cooler and tougher than other franchises. Ooooh, look at you! You're such outlaws! You must ride a motorcycle of some sort! I wonder if you killed any hippies at Altamont!

No other team in team in the universe is as painfully out-of-touch with reality as the Raiders and their fans are. At least Detroit fans KNOW how lame their team is. As for Oakland, you're talking about an owner who still wears sunglasses and slicks his hair back because it makes him look intimidating. This despite the fact that Al Davis is nothing more than a frail, demented old sack of shit who hides, like a total gash, behind a lawyer the second he feels threatened. You're talking about fans who still think their team is somehow more formidable because they wear silver and black. Oh no! Colors! JaMarcus Russell is in black! It's so slimming! How will we ever beat him? Oh, and I like how they play dress up for every game, too. Raider fans, nothing makes me shiver like knowing you spent half your welfare check over at Spencer Gifts.

Worse still, fans of that team have embraced the outlaw image and taken it wayyyy too far. It's gotten to the point where the fanbase is comprised solely of people who think they're societal rebels but are, in reality, annoying dickheads and outright criminals. RAIDER MILT SAY YOU A ******! Any Raider fan worth his salt should be deeply embarrassed by this whole devolution. One day, in the far distance, someone will drive a wooden stake through Al Davis' heart, the Raiders will be freed from his grip, and someone out there will actually try and turn this franchise into something useful, with home games normal people would actually dare attend. But until that day, they stand as the biggest poseur franchise in the universe.

2. Did I mention they really, truly do suck? Normally, a 45-7 loss in the preseason would be ignored by most people. It's the preseason. You get the benefit of the doubt. But consider just how the Raiders lost to the Saints on Saturday night. They fell behind 31-0 by the half, when all the starters were in. They allowed over 500 yards of total offense. The Saints scored touchdowns on their first three possessions, despite not having Reggie Bush and Pierre Thomas in the game. Drew Brees went 14 for 17, and pass defense was supposed to be one of the fairly decent things about the Raiders this year. This is a roster that has been destroyed by overloaded contracts handed out to people like JaMarcus Russell, Tommy Kelly, and Javon Walker. Apart from top pick Darius Heyward-Bey (who can't catch), the receivers are nonexistent. The o-line is a colander. Their backup QB, Gay Zorro, plays poorly in the red zone. The front seven is a wreck. The coaching staff may as well just stage halftime cage fights for my amusement. I've seen David Lynch movies more cohesive than this outfit. This is one god-awful squad. I completely retract my choice of them for sleeper status. I must be retarded.

3. It all comes back to hating Berman. THEEEEEERAAYYYYYDEZZZZZZZ… Shut your ****ing porkhole.

4. They have three good running backs, and they somehow managed to ruin all of them. Oh, Michael Bush. Won't they ever set you free? How I'd love to see you in a competent offense without a randomly managed timeshare.

5. The readers have their say. From Clue H:

The Raiders have sucked ever since every kid at my middle school bought a gigantic Raiders Starter jacket to imitate Eazy-E. I lived in a lily-white town in Arizona. I guess the Raiders logo was supposed to lend toughness. But wearing a Starter jacket when it's 108 degrees outside only lends stupidity.

Which brings me to the Black Hole. Every time the Raiders are on television (so, only if you have Sunday Ticket), the announcers pimp the Black Hole, saying things like "don't get caught in there wearing a (insert visiting team name) jersey!" Does everyone somehow miss that the Black Hole consists of grown men who paint their faces and wear elaborate homemade costumes? The black hole is one step away from a KISS cover band. Or a local theater production of Cats. Is it supposed to be terrifying that a middle-aged man with a personal seat license looks like Papa Shango? Will I actually be murdered by a plumbing contractor if I jeer JaMarcus Russell throwing it behind another receiver? The answer is no. **** the Black Hole. The only thing scary about your team is that people still attend games. And Al Davis, because he's undead. And perhaps Tom Cable, but they haven't proved that yet.

And Peelsmiller:

I have a huge raiders fan that sits in front of me at work and he is actually from upstate NY. That's gay enough as it is. (Ed. Note: Agreed. The Raider tend to have a lot of carpetbagger fans.) He came into work the day after they beat the Cowboys 31-10, in the preseason opener, grinning from ear to ear like he just got away with killing a
hooker. We all know it was a preseason game but this wrinkled scrotal bag was jumping around the office like they just won the ****in Super Bowl. It made me physically sick to listen to him rant about how "the Black Hole is back." He was ready to offer contract extensions to every player and coach on the team. I wonder what it's like to root for such a mediocre team that you celebrate a preseason win by practically making a fake Lombardi trophy out of tin foil. I know we are in a recession and all that shit but I was seriously contemplating giving up my job and just kneeing him in the cock........is it bad to wish cancer on someone?

Not on this site, it isn't.

 

[Brady's Bunch]

these are awesome

 

[Bob R]

Nice site, thanks for the link.

I like this one, a lot:

"Bills at Patriots: It's never a good sign when you dump your offensive coordinator right before the season starts, then he says your head coach wanted a Pop Warner offense, then your team cuts the left tackle it hired to replace a Pro Bowler in order to start a seventh round draft choice at the position. And your first game is against the Pats in Foxboro in prime time. Nothing screams "41-0 asspillaging" quite like that."


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[Jaric]

The Bills:

Some people are fans of the Buffalo Bills. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Buffalo Bills. This 2009 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group.
1. The K-Gun is back! Wait, who's the QB? ****. I'm totally jazzed that the Bills have decided to bring back the nonstop no huddle offense. Because if you're going to go three-and-out, why waste time? Seriously though, the Bills had one of the most exciting offenses in league history during the early 1990's, Super Bowl losses aside. I remember when the K-Gun was first introduced, and you could see some of the defenses reacting like, "Whoa, wait a second. They're not huddling! They're not letting us rest! That should be, like, illegal and shit!" It was a blast to watch, and it always saddened me that so few other teams have had the stones to do it since. Running the K-Gun means entrusting all play-calling duties to your QB, and no head coach outside of Indy could ever possibly allow that. No, no. We'd hate to macromanage a team like that.
So the K-Gun is back this year in Buffalo, and that SOUNDS like a promising development. Until you see that the guy pulling the trigger is an average-in-every-way player destined to become a journeyman, bouncing from team to team like so many Chris Millers. While head coaches are wrong to not sometimes hand the fate of their offense over to the QB, they're justified in NOT handing it over to someone like Trent Edwards, who has all the authority of a ferris wheel operator. AND the team traded their left tackle in the offseason. So you're trying to duplicate the glory of the team's 1990's offense with a shaky o-line and an average QB. This can't end well. Against the Packers last week, the first team offense (minus TO) turned the ball over four times in the first half and gained 87 total yards. Not a single drive went longer than six plays. Edwards' passer rating for the game was 34.3. I AM USING STATS TO MAKE A PRESCIENT OBSERVATION. By October, they'll be huddling once more, reverting back to the faceless, utterly bland Bills teams of the 2000's to which you've become so accustomed.
2. Offense aside, those 1990's teams were really ****ing annoying. Let's face it, by that second Super Bowl loss to Washington, I think we had all had just about enough of the Bills dominating the AFC. That team, at the time, had an unusual habit of pulling every important AFC game of their asses, right before heading to the Super Bowl and shitting the bed. The worst of these, of course, was the big comeback against the Oilers. That was a really good Oilers team. I would have liked to see what they would have done if they had gone further in the playoffs that year. But nooooo. No, the Bills had to go and win. AGAIN. God, they ****ing ruined everything. The Bills are responsible for a three-game stretch of Super Bowls so awful, so utterly unwatchable, that they still deserve your scorn for disgracing the main stage with their presence. And they weren't likable guys, either. Thurman Thomas was moody. Bruce Smith was ornery. Who was the center of that team? Kent Hull? Yeah, well **** him too. Then there's the team's biggest cheerleader…
3. You're with them, asshole. The Bills are ground zero for all of Chris Berman's bizarre bouts of favoritism and annoying phrase coinage. That whole "nobody circles the wagons" bullshit should have been retired after the Music City Miracle. The Bills do not circle the wagons anymore. They hire Dick Jauron, and then they lay down and ****ing die. I don't understand how Berman is allowed to blatantly root on the air for this team time and time again. As if it's some cute little trait of his that gets excused just because he is who he is. Eat shit, Berman. Eat shit and die.
4. You ever been to Buffalo? Holy shit, there is nothing to do in that town except eat and marry someone you don't really love. The only reason to go there is for some kind of wing pilgrimage. I've had the wings there. They're wings. They may have originated there, but you can get them in other, cooler places now. And they're just as good. Otherwise, the only purpose Buffalo serves is to give Weather Channel anchors an erection during the months of November through March. "AND HOW ABOUT BUFFALO, GANG?! TWENTY INCHES OF SNOW! I'M ROCK HARD!"
5. The readers have their say. Hoo boy. You people really don't like this team. From Bill:

At training camp, Dick Jauron always wears a straw hat that looks like he is going big game hunting in Ethiopia. Then, as if there wasn't enough material to work with, the stoic one sounds like Ronald Reagan on Quaaludes during press conferences.
​

From Robert:

I'll be brief. Their owner doesn't even know what day it is. They gave Rob Johnson a contract. They made Rob Johnson their starting QB. They harassed their head coach's family so much that he had to quit for fear of their safety. Not a Sunday goes by without a post game news report of some minority race being beaten almost to death leaving the stadium. They would rather play in Canada. Marshawn Lynch runs over people, drags them across town and then pulls into his garage and calls it a night. Sports Illustrated called it America's most losing city. They perfected the cooking of bird scraps. Labatts, Tim Hortons, and a 50 person brawl at Mighty Taco on a Friday night is considered "pregame".
​

From Brian:

10 years without playoffs, yet they sold more season tickets this year than any year since 93? Really? Way to reward mediocrity Bills fans. I dumped my season tickets right at the point of the Mularkey to Jauron transition, which ranks just slightly behind Ford to Carter as history's greatest lose-lose scenarios.
The local sports talk site has TO's Tweets listed on its front page.
Ralph Wilson. Those who say Al Davis looks like Mason Verger from Hannibal need to pay some serious attention. He'll spend 49 million dollars on Derrick Dockery, but won't shell out 6 or 7 million for a proven coach. Success in the NFL be damned, he'll do things his way.
Its sacrilege in this town to criticize Berman. This team is holding on tightly to Berman after its only other nationally significant fan bit it (Tim Russert).
Jim Kelly threw his wife down a staircase, Bruce Smith has multiple DUI's and never gave a shit enough to go to training camp, and Thurman's been in rehab. These guys weren't all that amazing.
OJ Simpson was the team's only half decent player for an entire decade.
A local site (buffalorumblings.com) is putting together an all time 50 greatest Buffalo Bills list. Joe Ferguson is on it. That would be equivalent to the Steelers having Bubby Brister on their list.
​

From Mike:

I love the Bills. Seriously, they're great. Got an ex-Pro Bowler with a giant fork sticking out of his back? Throw a trench coat on him, and trade him to the Bills! Got a neat trick play that you want to try out? It'll work on the Bills! You're the reincarnation of Chad "I have JV High School Arm Strength" Pennington? Congratulations, the Bills have committed to you as their long-term starter!
​

From Humberto:

I had a girl housemate back then from Buffalo. They had just lost their fourth consecutive Super Bowl, which she bore with a sense of pride that only someone from a frosty, rusting, rapidly depopulating shithole could muster. She still lorded, with no sense of irony, her awesome "FOUR-TIME AFC CHAMPIONS" t-shirt around town, and proudly announced that the Bills' slogan that year would be "Strive for Five!"
Also, please mention that they never looked as good as they did in their Hall of Fame Game throwbacks this year. Every 10 years or so, they redesign their uniforms. Every redesign has been a step backwards. By 2030 they'll be playing in uniforms that look like something Marv Levy coughed up after climbing a flight of stairs.
​

From Robert S:

One time I was going through some old home videos, and I found a series of tapes that was a shot of my dad and his friends watching Super Bowl XXV. Between the wings, the Labatt, and easily five grown-ass men in Bills Zubaz, it was a nice window into the past, but it was kinda shitty knowing that I was going to watch my drunken father's hopes and dreams be crushed at the end of the game. But holy shit it delivered. After Norwood missed nobody talked for two minutes, then a little bit of crying, and then a guy threw up. That's the end of the video. I can't think of any metaphor for Buffalo, New York more perfect than that.
​

From Scott:

My ex when asked what was your favorite football team was she said "Buffalo Bills and the Dallas Cowboys" as shocked as I was I had to ask her what her problem was? To like both of those teams is like telling me your Favorite Flavor of ice cream is chocolate and vanilla you just can't do that its wrong. We broke up a week later.
​

And Nick C:

Every year, with a bunch of friends, we travel about 6 hours up to Buffalo for the Dolphins-Bills game up at as my Bills friends call 'The Ralph'.
Take away the awesome tailgating, you feel like you are stuck in a ****ing time-warp whenever you go up north. Girls in jeans with no pockets on the ass, shit that went out of style 7 years ago. (Ed Note: On the right girl, I still find this kinda hot.) The girls think it's cool to dress like Britney Spears did in 1999 and to top it off when they see you wearing an out of towns colors they tell you to 'suck their dick'. This happens to me at least five times every time I head up to 'The Ralph'. I didn't know one place could have so many hermaphrodites.
​

So there you have it. Inept offense. Hermaphrodites.

 

[Threadkiller]

OMFG! I have been laughing so hard snot bubbles are forming in my nostrils... that rules beyond words...

Thanks so much for posting that...

 

[Jaric]

Someone may as well post it.

The Colts:

Many people are fans of the Indianapolis Colts. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Indianapolis Colts. This Deadspin 2009 NFL team preview is for those in the latter group.
1. When everyone says the team won't miss a beat without Tony Dungy, that practically ensures the opposite will occur. The Colts face the 2009 season without the quiet strength and NO *** HAGS policy of former head coach Tony Dungy. In addition, offensive coordinator Tom Moore and offensive line coach Howard Mudd both retired due to pension issues (though the Colts rehired both men as consultants and plan on having each continue performing their old jobs in some sort of unofficial capacity). Virtually every article written about the team this offseason has implied that the transition to new head coach Jim Caldwell will be utterly seamless. He's been around the team forever! Peyton does all the coaching anyway! Caldwell's just like Dungy, only darker! Most people won't even know the coach is some other dude now! I've seen any number of supposedly foolproof coaching handoffs in NFL history go awry to believe that shit. COUGH!richiepetitbonCOUGH! This all but guarantees that Caldwell will be a flaming shitwreck.
2. Marvin Harrison is no longer around to secretly threaten the other team with gun violence. One would assume MarHar will be picked up by some team at some point before Week 1. Then again, perhaps teams are purposely avoiding Harrison because they know that, when the night falls, he becomes Messy Marvin, Philly crime lord par excellence. It makes you wonder if Harrison's quiet intimidation of NFL defenses in the past was the result of actual physical intimidation, and not graceful route running, as so widely assumed.
3. It's never a good sign when your toughest player is a safety who misses ten games a year. Bob Sanders skipped the team's OTA's this spring due to "the physical demands of the 2008 season," according to the Indianapolis Star. That physically demanding season included appearing in just six games. Pfft. What a pussy.
4. DALLAS ****ING CLARK. It's not that Clark sucks, of course. It's that he's just so terribly annoying. As I and others have pointed out, he's always around to bail out Peyton Manning right when the Colts seem dead in the water. So ****ing aggravating. Hey Clark, why don't you go stick a Freeze Pop up your dick?
5. Remember, the Colts are always a Manning injury away from 5-11. Don't think it can happen, Colts fans? Well, that's just what Patriot fans thought about their supposedly durable little hero last year. It can happen. And, given that everyone seems to think it'll be another 12-win, business-as-usual year for Indy, it probably will. "CUT THAT MEAT!" isn't as funny when Peyton has to say it to Dr. James Andrews.

 

[Oswlek]

The Pittsburgh one captures the truth so perfectly it should be bronzed and stored in a impenetrable glass case under constant supervision.

The Bills one is hillarious as well. Can't wait to get to all of them.

 

[MarylandSTEEL]

http://deadspin.com/5350312/why-your-team-sacks-new-england-patriots

The Pats

Tommy: FACK YOU! FACK YOU! FACK YOU! You think I'm going to let you fackin' ******* tay-uh down PATRIOT NATION?! It's just like a bunch of whiny, Jawhnny-come-latelies to try and mawck the special connection this team has with its fans! YOU PEOPLE AHHH LOSAHHHS!
I gawt a fackin' idea. Here-ah ahhh five reasons you should switch to bein' a fackin' Pats fan! SACK AWN THAT!
1. Becawse that's what you facks want to do anyway! Face it. YOU PEOPLE AHHH JEALOUS OF OW-UH SUCCESS! You always have been! You just wish your-ah team was this well coached, and that your-ah quahtahback knawked up actresses like THE LEGENDARY TAWMMY BRADY HAS! That's hawt! I jerk awff to it! Who gawnna jerk awff to Tony Romo sticking his tiny cawk in Jessica's cakehole? NO ONE, THAT'S WHO!
And secretly, you've always wanted to live in Bawston. That's right! You ******* in Californiah have always wondahed what it would be like to live in a REAL town, with REAL fans! We love ow-uh teams more-ah than you love your-ahs! We gamble more-ah! Ow-uh memories ahh more-ah precious than your-ahs! Jarge fackin' Will writes books about the Sawx. He's never written jack shit about yar dooshbag Farty Ninahs! We ahh the hahht and soul of America! NO ONE DENIES THIS! We love ow-uh city! We have pride!
/hits pothole
WHEN IS THAT DAHKIE GOVERNAH OF OW-UHS GAWNNA FIX THIS ROAD?! I FACKIN HATE THIS STATE!
2. We have TWO Welkahs now! Think you can game plan far the scrappy tenacity of Welkahh?! WELL NOW WE HAVE A SECOND ONE, AND HE'S A FACKIN' JEWBAG! Listen to ow-uh fans bawnd with this very special young man, Julian Edelman…

I've just felt since the minute we got him that he was going to be special. The guy looked like a vet out there tonight. I've called him a lock for the 53 for about a week. I'm really, really looking forward to seeing him in the regular season. Oh and by the way he didn't just play QB and receiver, but he was also used as a running back and a corner too. He is Troy's replacement and he might even be better than him.
​

White playahs ahhh more-ah versatile! We know they-ah ahhh special, because they ahhh nawt dahkies!
3. We have the hahhhdest towns in the warld! You think yar fackin' tough? Well, try growin' up on the mean streets of New England, facko! It's nawt awl nice cawttages! We have, bahhh none, the lahhgest collection of crack-ravaged cities in America! Woostah! Bridgepart! Lowell! Bangahhh! Lawrence! New Haven! Lewiston! Hahhhtfard! THAT MAKES US TOUGHAH THAN YOU!
4. How can you nawt love Pat Patriot?! He was the best mascawt evah! He was dressed like a Patriot, and he was hiking a football! That's tradition! FACK YOU! How can you nawt love this team?
5. Let's look at all yar ****** emails! Who's this cawksackah? Stewy?
The Patriots are scumbags
GO FACK YAR MOTHAH!!
Besides the whole SpyGate controversy, the Pats have a whole bunch of other dirty laundry that no one likes to address. How about Harrison's suspension for using PED's? He got suspended and gave us the usual bullshit story about "never taking nothing."
Rawdney Harrison played hahhhdah than any playah evah! I should have him break yar tibiah far that!
Nick Kaczur got busted for buying prescription drugs. Not only that, but he then turned on his dealer and ratted him out to the Feds. The guys a druggie and a sellout!
But he's nawt a dahhhkie! We all make mistakes! Like the time I hit that dahkie with a Dunkin' travel mug!
Who's next? Tom R.?
The Pats suck for a ****ing shitload of reasons
You fackin' sack far a shitload of reasons! Yar dad sacks black cawk! Who's next? Adam R.?
I ****ing hate Bill Belichick. I hate his stupid ****ing child molester haircut. I hate his stupid ****ing sweatshirt that probably smells like a yeast-infected taint.
THEN YOU HATE FOOTBALL!
I hate him and his ****ing infidelity and the Long Island trash he ****ed to establish infidelity. But none of this seething hatred comes from any sort of envy of the New England Patriots organization. While, yes, I do hope Robert Kraft loses all of his money in Ponzi scheme and ends up sucking off truckers for loose change in the bathroom of a highway rest stop, this is beside the point. I ****ing hate Bill ****ing Belichick because of the way he resigned from the New York Jets back in 2000 - my team.
Don't get me wrong, I understand that the Jets (minus 1 year of their existence) have exhibited retardery at its finest - a band of losers hell bent on doing dumber and weirder shit than what happens in Charlie Kaufmann's wildest fever dreams. But Belichick's ambush? Not cool. Who - besides, I assume, Pat Summerall - resigns on a cocktail napkin? It was humiliating. And cowardly, might I add. Maybe even a little gay. I was seething. If I had access to a hatchet and a penchant for violence, I would have gone down there that day and scalped the stoic **** right in the middle of his conference with the media. But nooo, I'm too much of a pussy, so instead I stared at the TV in disbelief, and then drank myself into an alcoholic coma.
So **** Bill Belichick - I hope he drops dead on his birthday while assembling a bicycle for one of his illegitimate kids.
Any fanbase that starts a chant about how much a rival team in a different SPORT sucks, deserves to be sterile and made to live on an island where they are forced to battle to the death for survival using only night sticks and tazers. Case in point - New England Patriots fans. Listening to these unhygienic, shaved-head-retards in Foxboro Stadium chant "Yankees Suck" during a Pats-Dolphins game in December is not only painfully pitiful, but it also makes me want to simultaneously discharge two .44 automatics three inches away from my ears. Go butt**** your Teddy Ballgame cut-out, you inferiority-complex-hicks.
I THINK WE ALL KNOW WHO HAS THE INFERIARITY CAWMPLEX HERE-AH! Typical New Yark ******! And the Yankees DO SACK! Who's next? Pam H?
I am from Louisiana and live in Boston, and I ****ing hate the Patriots.
Serves you right, you Cajun vampiah whore-ah!!!!
Just because they have enjoyed some success this decade does not excuse the lumpy disasters that are their fans. The men are, in general, hideously obese, and have no qualms about wearing jerseys to non-sporting related activities. And women in Boston are generally scraping the bottom of the barrel, but the lady Pats fans are the dregs of society. They shoehorn themselves into pink Tom Brady jerseys that are at least two sizes too small, and any time they open their mouths to speak in their North-or-South Shore accents, it becomes clear that they know dick about football and are only interested in Brady's looks. Newsflash: he's out of your league! Go home and tend to your cats/miscreant spawn.
You can't talk that way about my garlfriend! Only I get to do that!
The older fans are a bunch of assholes who think these Super Bowls are part of their severance package from the Red Sox losing for so long. The younger fans are spoiled shits because they've never had real pain in sports and all they know is winning. Guess what, 10 years ago you were almost the Hartford Patriots. Tom Brady will retire, Belichick will leave, and less than 10 years from now you'll be losing again. Suck on that.
The reality is that 90% of the people at the game are only there cause they couldn't get Sox tickets. I don't think they're even paying attention. Get off your feet and get excited. It's not like you're watching the Lions dick around on the turf for 60 minutes, it's the ****ing Pats. You never lose.
Oh wait, 17-1. too soon?
IT WAS 18-1! AND EVERYONE KNOWS THAT WAS THE BEST TEAM IN NFL HISTORY! THEY JUST HAPPENED TO LOSE THAT GAME! FACK YOU AWL!

Hahahaha so true about this fanbase...

 

[Muse]

and again i ask, he is not ass clown because?

especially after wishing someone dead

 

[RoadGrader]

In the Polamalu injured thread, jaric post a link to a "why your team sucks" article about the Ravens.

I poked around that site and read some of the other articles about other teams.

Some were great, and I had to share.

Here's Pittsburgh

OMFG ROFL TYVM +1 O_P_T

there are some classic ROFL rips in the Steelers one....some of my faves:

Find me a Steelers fan who's an actual ****ing steelworker, and I'll put a unicorn in your driveway. That town was repurposed ages ago as a center for tech, banking, and ketchup distribution. It is not a tough town. It's as yuppified as ****ing Portland (Oregon or Maine, take your pick), only it's stuck in the center of Pennsyltucky and everyone there is fat and smells like sticky buns.
~~~~~~~~~
There's nothing to do in that town except be thankful you aren't in Cleveland.
~~~~~~~~~
It says something about a franchise when Terry Bradshaw is its most insightful representative.
~~~~~~~~~
Their colors are Black and Gold. So are the Pirates. So are the Penguins. Come on, you unimaginative ****s, there are literally hundreds of colors. The town looks like a fat, numbered bumblebee convention, all year round.
~~~~~~~~~
I can't believe they've won two Super Bowls with that Missing Link-looking, mouth-breathing, alleged rapist troglodyte as a quarterback.
~~~~~~~~~
I have my theory. Much like the first amphibian crawled out of the primordial ooze and became a land dweller because it instinctively knew that there had to be something better out there, so fled the Pittsburghers from the hellhole of their birth.
~~~~~~~~~
I ****ed a girl from Pittsburgh once. She was a Steelers fan. She was cockeyed and smelled like Rolling Rock and failure.

and then the all-time perfect classic that is LVent ALL-Teh-WAY

4. Somehow, they still find a way to bitch......If the team shows any deficiency (offensive line), Steelers fan will concentrate solely on THAT aspect of the team, so that they might whine about it the whole year long. Oh no! My team isn't as flawless as I'd like it to be! DON'T YOU SYMPATHIZE? Nope. Not a lick.

:LOL: Nope. Not a lick ROFL

 

[MarylandSTEEL]

Ehhh you know it's true about your fanbase...

 

[Muse]

Ehhh you know it's true about your fanbase...

it not bout the fan base that i am referring to and if you had read my post you would have known that

wishing someone ill or dead is a shitty POS thing to do

 

[O_P_T]

Unfarging believable, this video was on the Giants page

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[Threadkiller]

Unfarging believable, this video was on the Giants page

<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/0-6Tn0Ie-AQ&color1=0xb1b1b1&color2=0xcfcfcf&hl=en&feature=player_embedded&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/0-6Tn0Ie-AQ&color1=0xb1b1b1&color2=0xcfcfcf&hl=en&feature=player_embedded&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

OPT is like the Usain Bolt of the Planet today...

First this paragraph which may be the greatest thing ever written:

I have a huge raiders fan that sits in front of me at work and he is actually from upstate NY. That's gay enough as it is. (Ed. Note: Agreed. The Raider tend to have a lot of carpetbagger fans.) He came into work the day after they beat the Cowboys 31-10, in the preseason opener, grinning from ear to ear like he just got away with killing a
hooker. We all know it was a preseason game but this wrinkled scrotal bag was jumping around the office like they just won the ****in Super Bowl. It made me physically sick to listen to him rant about how "the Black Hole is back." He was ready to offer contract extensions to every player and coach on the team. I wonder what it's like to root for such a mediocre team that you celebrate a preseason win by practically making a fake Lombardi trophy out of tin foil. I know we are in a recession and all that shit but I was seriously contemplating giving up my job and just kneeing him in the cock........is it bad to wish cancer on someone?

but then this youtube of the most transcendent douchebag in the history of feminine hygiene.

OPT I bow...

 

[SteelerFan87]

ROFL ROFL

These are tremendous. Mostly because the Steelers one completely failed to actually insult the Steelers. I LOVE the fact that the worst thing they could say was basically, "Since Steeler fans have the fact that their team has won 6 SBs in their back pocket, I will never be able to beat them in an argument about who's team is better. Damn it that pisses me off!"
ROFL

I also loved the whole "your city is no longer dirty. It has transformed itself into a haven for technology and finance, and your people now make more money because of it." ROFL Thank you.

Can't forget the "you have the biggest fanbase in the country, and your fans always take over my stadium because my fans aren't dedicated enough to fill their own stadium, whereas you are dedicated enough to fill other teams' stadiums in addition to your own."

And what is wrong with having the same colors for every team, instead of picking random ones? Black and gold are the colors of Pittsburgh's flag. It's like bitching about the US basketball team and US soccer team both having the same colors. lol

 

[Oswlek]

ROFL ROFL

These are tremendous. Mostly because the Steelers one completely failed to actually insult the Steelers. I LOVE the fact that the worst thing they could say was basically, "Since Steeler fans have the fact that their team has won 6 SBs in their back pocket, I will never be able to beat them in an argument about who's team is better. Damn it that pisses me off!"ROFL

I also loved the whole "your city is no longer dirty. It has transformed itself into a haven for technology and finance, and your people now make more money because of it." ROFL Thank you.

Can't forget the "you have the biggest fanbase in the country, and your fans always take over my stadium because my fans aren't dedicated enough to fill their own stadium, whereas you are dedicated enough to fill other teams' stadiums in addition to your own."

And what is wrong with having the same colors for every team, instead of picking random ones? Black and gold are the colors of Pittsburgh's flag. It's like bitching about the US basketball team and US soccer team both having the same colors. lol

Interesting take you have there.

Perhaps "interesting" isn't exactly the word I was looking for. Maybe "naive"? "Sophomoric"?

Steeler fans, by and large are an arrogant, narcissistic bunch. Purely because they are the easiest target doesn't mean others weren't available.

And your "I'll never be able to beat them" comment is the perfect manifestation of this. Thanks for demonstrating Pitt fandom at its worst!

 

[gomezcat]

ROFL ROFL

These are tremendous. Mostly because the Steelers one completely failed to actually insult the Steelers. I LOVE the fact that the worst thing they could say was basically, "Since Steeler fans have the fact that their team has won 6 SBs in their back pocket, I will never be able to beat them in an argument about who's team is better. Damn it that pisses me off!"
ROFL

I also loved the whole "your city is no longer dirty. It has transformed itself into a haven for technology and finance, and your people now make more money because of it." ROFL Thank you.

Can't forget the "you have the biggest fanbase in the country, and your fans always take over my stadium because my fans aren't dedicated enough to fill their own stadium, whereas you are dedicated enough to fill other teams' stadiums in addition to your own."

And what is wrong with having the same colors for every team, instead of picking random ones? Black and gold are the colors of Pittsburgh's flag. It's like bitching about the US basketball team and US soccer team both having the same colors. lol

I'm surprised they didn't mention your O Line.