The Cimmerian
New member
crom! many years ago, when i was a young king, the hinterlands of my new kingdom were being ravaged by a small, but strong band of stygian outlaws. with a small group of men at arms, i rode out to kill the invaders. they were little match for my steel! i was so maddened by blood lust, i barely remember the fighting. but when i came around, i was surrounded by death.
after setting the heads of my enemies on pikes facing stygia, i was struck with an overpowering thirst for ale! we rode hard back to aquilonia, not even taking the time to clean the stygian gore from our armor. indeed, my thirst was so great, it could only be sated by my lust for wenches!
i took a comely scullery wench to my chambers, and removed my loin cloth. the smell was so overpowering from days of riding and exertion, the poor lass vomited and fainted dead away.
later that week, a trusted wizard and adviser approached my throne apprehensively. he remarked that a rumor was circulating among my royal court that the wenches were calling me "king asiago nads" on account of my crotch smelling of moldy cheeses.
i flew into a rage, and axed my adviser from the top of his head to the center of his chest! i then had that wench, who vomited on me, flogged to death in front my entire court! a shame, as she was quite buxom. but nonetheless, a clear message was made, that no matter how pungent, never speak ill of my royal genitals!
after setting the heads of my enemies on pikes facing stygia, i was struck with an overpowering thirst for ale! we rode hard back to aquilonia, not even taking the time to clean the stygian gore from our armor. indeed, my thirst was so great, it could only be sated by my lust for wenches!
i took a comely scullery wench to my chambers, and removed my loin cloth. the smell was so overpowering from days of riding and exertion, the poor lass vomited and fainted dead away.
later that week, a trusted wizard and adviser approached my throne apprehensively. he remarked that a rumor was circulating among my royal court that the wenches were calling me "king asiago nads" on account of my crotch smelling of moldy cheeses.
i flew into a rage, and axed my adviser from the top of his head to the center of his chest! i then had that wench, who vomited on me, flogged to death in front my entire court! a shame, as she was quite buxom. but nonetheless, a clear message was made, that no matter how pungent, never speak ill of my royal genitals!