Anybody Know Any Good Jokes?

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A nervous man walked into a hard-core bikers bar and timidly asked Does one of you happen to own that huge Rottweiler tied up out front? I do said a giant mean looking biker, what's it to you?

Well said the man, I think my chihuahua just killed him. The biker started laughing and said, how is that even possible?

And the man said, I think my dog got stuck in his throat.
 
BostonTim said:
A nervous man walked into a hard-core bikers bar and timidly asked Does one of you happen to own that huge Rottweiler tied up out front? I do said a giant mean looking biker, what's it to you?

Well said the man, I think my chihuahua just killed him. The biker started laughing and said, how is that even possible?

And the man said, I think my dog got stuck in his throat.
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Now, the title of this thread does say GOOD jokes, does it not?
 
The five secrets for a man to find happiness:

1. Find a woman that makes you laugh​
​
2. Find a woman that can cook really well​
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3. Find a woman that listens to you​
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4. Find a woman that's amazing in bed​
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5. And most important, make sure none of these women find out about each other​
 
Whenever we make pizza at home, my wife's job is to shred the cheese, and she's become really good at it.

In my opinion, she's the gratist.
 
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As the woman passed her daughter’s closed bedroom door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter giving herself a real workout with a vibrator. Shocked, she asked, “What in the world are you doing?”
The daughter replied, “Mom, I’m thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I’ll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone.”
The next day, the girl’s father heard the same buzz coming from the other side of the closed bedroom door. Upon entering the room, he observed his daughter making passionate love to her vibrator. To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter said, “Dad, I’m thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I’ll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone.”
A couple days later, the wife came home from shopping trip, placed the groceries on the kitchen counter, and heard that buzzing noise coming from, of all places, the family room. She entered that area and observed her husband sitting on the couch, staring at the TV. The vibrator was next to him on the couch, buzzing like crazy.
The wife asked, “What the hell are you doing?” The husband replied, “I’m watching the ball game with my son-in-law.”
 
Back in the day those nasty sexist blond jokes were all the rage

There were these two blonds and they locked their keys in their car. The one blonde says to the other, "What do we do? Do we get a coat hanger and pick the lock?"The other one replied, "No, people will think we're trying to break in."The other one said, "Well do we get a knife and cut the rubber and pop the lock?"The other one answered," No, people will think we're too stupid to use the coat hanger."The other one said, "Well we better think of something quick because it's starting to rain and the sunroof is wide open."
 
Back in the day those nasty sexist blond jokes were all the rage:

Two blondes were walking through the woods when they came across a set of tracks. The tall blonde said "oh look! Bear tracks.". The short blonde scowled and said with condescension "Those are deer tracks!".



They stood there arguing for 10 minutes before the train came by and hit them.
 
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BostonTim said:
Back in the day those nasty sexist blond jokes were all the rage

There were these two blonds and they locked their keys in their car. The one blonde says to the other, "What do we do? Do we get a coat hanger and pick the lock?"The other one replied, "No, people will think we're trying to break in."The other one said, "Well do we get a knife and cut the rubber and pop the lock?"The other one answered," No, people will think we're too stupid to use the coat hanger."The other one said, "Well we better think of something quick because it's starting to rain and the sunroof is wide open."
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Did you hear what the blond said when she opened the box of Cheerios?

"Ooooh! Donut seeds!"
 
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