OT: Solicitation of advice

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Hey guys, sorry to be jumping into the melee out of nowhere. I just read from OED's description of "the last date", all the way to this thread. It took me quite some time (I'm a bit slow in my brain :p ), but I do want to say something.

To the ex-girlfriend & ex-girlfriend's sister: Sorry about suggesting that Oed should try to "bang you both" or have a "threesome". If I had known you were going to read this thread I would not have made such rude suggestions. If I offended either of you in any way, I apologize. It's that damn testosterone talking again!

To Oed: I haven't attempted to give you any real advice on this issue, mainly because I was stumped on the issue. It definately took big balls to just lay it out the way you did. However, feelings are often uncontrollable and eventually you would have had no choice but to address it. I certainly do NOT envy you right now, this situation really, really sucks and I do feel as though you've done the right thing. However, I think you made a big mistake by directing them to this website. I don't think they needed to read this thread. You should have kept this to yourself.

To Alice: I respect your opinion, but I think you need to lay off Oed. I don't want to get into an arguement with you or anybody else over something that essentially doesn't concern me. It shouldn't concern you so much either. Let it be.

Wyo: Stop analyzing people. As Alice stated earlier, this is not the real world, therfore how can you collect enough accurate information about people to give them your "professional" opinion. Nobody comes to a football message board to get their brain picked. To me, this whole thing is all in good fun. That's why I have a tough time giving someone I really don't know any advice. I think you should do the same. Again, just my opinion, not looking to fight. (i've got work to do damnit!)
 
FallingAlice said:
No, we're not saying the same thing, Oed. I'm telling you that the issues you were dealing with were so difficult and with such potentially awful consequences for you that this is not the proper place to bring them. And I suspect that you are so in a haze at the moment and not thinking properly, that you have been too terribly revealing. Revealing things that need not be revealed. And I also suspect, quite strongly, that there's more than a little impulse in you that wanted to screw this up. If there wasn't, you wouldn't have handled it this way. And perhaps that says a lot. If it doesn't work out, perhaps that's what you wanted. But oh, what a terrible dive your reputation will take in all this.
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I disagree with most of this.

First, its sort of my call where to air my laundry, dirty or clean. If it made people uncomfortable, I apologize - but don't read, then. It's not like neighbors incessantly fighting below you, its one thread that you don't have to click on. I got some solid takes on the situation, and interesting advice from all quarters. Fine.

Second, I don't worry about being too revealing. Life's too short for secrets. Here's what you all know about me:
1) I live in Dallas. I believe that I once mentioned that I live near Pioneer Park. If I didn't, I did now.
2) I'm (was, I guess) dating a 27 year old Irish virgin. She has a 24 year old sister. Both are beautiful, attractive women. The younger one is a brunette. Their father's name is Sean, or at least that's what I call him.
3) I grew up in Britain, went to school in Boston
4) My first name, and my age.

Congrats to anyone who cares. I'm not too worried about it. I just try not to give anyone any real reason to worry me.

If someone wanted to, they could trace my IP address, I guess. But why would they? To spook me? Again, I've got too many other things to worry about. Life is dangerous sometimes, and you take it as it comes. I don't seek out danger, but I'm not going to edit myself here to try and prevent some crime with no motive. Now, I'm not going to be giving you my bank account numbers or anything... ;)
Remember...I didn't tear you a new one until I read about the fact that you told your g/f about this place. If you'd never done that, you would've received a very different response from me. I still wouldn't have been especially hopeful for the end result, but...I wouldn't have torn into you as I did. And I tore into you, strangely, because I like you. And I think you mean well. And I think you're terribly naive. Especially about affairs of the heart. And I expect that you are going to be terribly, terribly hurt.
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I'm already terribly hurt. But I'm hurt and can look myself in the mirror.

In short, my dear, I think you've been played like a fiddle. Not by bad women. But by two sisters whose own personal family history and drama are playing themselves out through you. Honestly, it wouldn't surprise me at all, if this sort of thing hadn't happened before with them.
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And there's the misread. I said before that it hadn't. Are they aware that daughter #2 is prettier? Yes. I asked the other night if it had happened before, and they agreed that it hadn't. There just isn't much drama in the family, except that things seem to come very easy for Sister, and not quite as much for G/F. They're all pretty low key.

I adore you Oed. Perhaps my maternal impulses were simply inappropriately directed toward you. I hope it works out for you.

And I must say, if there is anything that probably fuels my sense of alarm and concern for you and strength of my reaction, it's not some angry feminism nor some past wound left unacknowledged and unhealed. Rather, it's that I have been given quite a bit of pause lately thinking about the dangers of the internet. One of the things I make a habit of never doing is meeting anyone on the board. And that has served me in good stead. I don't share personal information and I don't integrate my personal and private life with what happens on the board. And given recent developments I can only say, that these have been EXTREMELY wise decisions. Thank god that I kept as many boundaries around my relationship with many people on this board as I do. Had I not? I might be a very nervous woman right now. Remember that, Oed. And you too, Annihilus. An online community provides you none of the usual safety nets afforded in the real world. Your social group has no personal contact, can't identify each other. There are not the same social and civic relationships that mediate and control interpersonal contact. It's a hidden and shadowy world.
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I've met a grand total of 1 online person IRL. I'm not worried about doing it, I'm just not real motivated to do it. But in terms of fear and secrets and terror, its just not all its cracked up to be. A few incidents get blown out of proportion.
 
Oedipus Tex said:
If someone wanted to, they could trace my IP address, I guess. But why would they? To spook me? Again, I've got too many other things to worry about. Life is dangerous sometimes, and you take it as it comes. I don't seek out danger, but I'm not going to edit myself here to try and prevent some crime with no motive. Now, I'm not going to be giving you my bank account numbers or anything... ;)
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You seem like a pretty decent guy to me Oed. Can you give me the pin number for your bank card?

I'm doing a psychological profile of people based upon their chosen Pin #'s. I expect fantastical results.

NR - if you haven't been banned yet (again) - I'd love to have your Pin #. I imagine I could write an entire thesis with it....

:D
 
Spinal Tap said:
Hey guys, sorry to be jumping into the melee out of nowhere. I just read from OED's description of "the last date", all the way to this thread. It took me quite some time (I'm a bit slow in my brain :p ), but I do want to say something.

To the ex-girlfriend & ex-girlfriend's sister: Sorry about suggesting that Oed should try to "bang you both" or have a "threesome". If I had known you were going to read this thread I would not have made such rude suggestions. If I offended either of you in any way, I apologize. It's that damn testosterone talking again!

To Oed: I haven't attempted to give you any real advice on this issue, mainly because I was stumped on the issue. It definately took big balls to just lay it out the way you did. However, feelings are often uncontrollable and eventually you would have had no choice but to address it. I certainly do NOT envy you right now, this situation really, really sucks and I do feel as though you've done the right thing. However, I think you made a big mistake by directing them to this website. I don't think they needed to read this thread. You should have kept this to yourself.

To Alice: I respect your opinion, but I think you need to lay off Oed. I don't want to get into an arguement with you or anybody else over something that essentially doesn't concern me. It shouldn't concern you so much either. Let it be.

Wyo: Stop analyzing people. As Alice stated earlier, this is not the real world, therfore how can you collect enough accurate information about people to give them your "professional" opinion. Nobody comes to a football message board to get their brain picked. To me, this whole thing is all in good fun. That's why I have a tough time giving someone I really don't know any advice. I think you should do the same. Again, just my opinion, not looking to fight. (i've got work to do damnit!)
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Thanks, Tap.

I'm still okay with directing them here. While their working things our amongst themselves, they can sort of see my dim little brain and heart working on the situation, too. I didn't say anything here that I wouldn't say to them. Hell, most of it, in its component parts, I HAVE said to them.
 
Oedipus Tex said:

In the end, DolFan's advice about being honest (not so much the threesome, though ;) ) about the whole thing struck the most resonant chord with me, sort of affirmed what I thought the right thing to do was.
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If you took my advice, you're more ****ed up than I thought. I was rooting for the threesome all the way. I was just trying to steer you in the right direction.
 
Looks like Alice has left us as a moderator

If so - I can hardly say I'm surprised at this point. :(
 
If you can look at her sister than you should not be looking at rings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I would agree with previous posters that either: the younger sister will want a relationship and it will destroy her relationship with the family, or she will reject you and tell her sister and that will be the end of you.

This girl had given you 18 months of her life. To me it sounds like you really just see her as a friend at this point. If this is true make a clean break. It's not like there aren’t several billion other women in the world besides her sister.

I have two sisters and if I found out my boyfriend had made a play for one of them ( and they would tell me) it would not be a pretty scene. I doubt any woman would trust your ability to be faithful after that. Sorry but true. :Lecture:
 
Update:

To anyone who cares, I'm still with "Sister," though my time has been much more limited of late. Things have smoothed out significantly with regards to my Ex.

This past weekend, I actually had dinner with the family, and it went pretty smoothly. As I understand it, there's a pretty decent mess between the sisters that goes back to before I was in the picture (as I surmised from my Ex's outburst - and some of you picked up on that from the dialogue.) This situation has brought some of this to the surface again, which is a short term problem but probably a longer term benefit, from what I can tell.

The clincher to the whole thing is that Ex seems to really understand that Sister and I are really a great match.

I'm told that she's only been on a handful of dates since I dropped this bomb, though.
 
I have to admit to a little amazement that things are working out as well as they are for you. You definitely have beaten the odds.

One question, though.

When the ex finally does hook up with someone, do you think you will be terribly jealous--or do you think she will try and make you feel that way?
 
She's been a little like that, Hawg, trying to stir up the jealousy. She's started to get back into the swing a little big, brought another guy home. He's an a$$hole from what I can tell, and I don't see a future there. Of course, I might be overprotective in a brotherly way, or I might be jealous.

In any case the 3 of us (occasionally the 4 of us) still hang out, and I'm still with Sister. She's pretty amazing. Though a total slob, still.
 
You should write a screenplay of this and try and make a movie. Its an amazing story.
 
Yeah, what say the three of us send this thread, just as is, to Project Greenlight?

Ex has had some times where she's suddenly not been in the mood to be around us. She's called me from time to time and been upset. I know that she's done the same to her sister. But overall, it hasn't been too bad.
 
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