OT: Solicitation of advice

[bideau]

Agreed, WYO.

These posts are getting way too personal. It's time to let the threesome (not intended in a salacious manner) sort this out in private and let us all get back to girlie and beefcake posts.

Good luck, Oed. I hope that in the end, it works out for the best for everyone.

 

[DolFan]

Just to be clear. I can receive private messages on this board. Please don't hesitate :dbanana:

 

[Oedipus Tex]

Anonymity has been broken? How? Where?

Look, I stand by what I did. I'm glad that I had this thread to document what I'd been working through in my head, to show both of them. I'm glad that they're able to see the opinions of other people, without letting what is now understandibly a secret, out.

I don't think they'd mind a bit to see the thread continue - much like watching a movie to which you can relate can be cathartic, I'd imagine that this helps them. They get to see my thoughts, and the thoughts of people who are in a position to be objective, even if they can't be privy to everything.

WYO -

I tried to re-characterize the sisters because there had been a lot of talk about seduction, about "SEXYSister," about "fresh," about "lust," etc. I didn't want you all to make your judgments about the situation based on "The Young and the Restless." That couldn't be further from the truth.

Was there a betrayal? Yes. But I know both of them. I sincerely believe that there is no way that Sister does what she does unless she truly believes that she was trying to preserve the possibility of a relationship she finds incredibly valuable. This isn't a case of the big sister with the pretty doll.

Have you read "Little Women?" Sister is Jo. G/F is Amy. It just happened in the other order. This is pursuit of the happy ending, the right ending. Not just for me, but for all of us.

I don't expect this will be over in a week, or a month, or even a year. There will be lasting bitterness from this. But however it turns out, I put my cards on the table. I said what I felt, I was honest in how I handled a situation where the easiest thing would have been to walk, or to live a lie.

I don't doubt that they'll be pissed at me - I've said as much several times. But this is seriously typical. I think there should be a corollary to the old phrase: "Hell hath no fury like a woman that sees another who's been scorned."

Or in this case, one who was unlucky enough to be in a sh!tty situation, and was treated with honesty, respect, and a belief that she was a big enough girl to handle tough feelings, that many women would fight for.

 

[dchester]

FA,

I've thought about it again (as per your request), and I still don't understand the motivation for all the emotion in your posts. We are all just casual observers. OT, his girlfriend, and her sister are the ones that I would expect to be emotional. I don't have the time to go into everything I would like to say right now, but some of your posts had so much venom in them, that I actually started wondering if NR had hijacked your account. He has tried and failed miserably to get this group to implode. Now it's almost like you are doing it for him.

It certainly appears that this event has somehow triggered a strong response in you, but please remember, there are three people going through a difficult situation. You don't have to agree with all of OT's decisions, but it is clear to me, that he is trying to do the right thing. Is it asking too much, to try to be supportive while you express your opinions about OT's decisions?

Also, as for your analogy, if my wife (we'll celebrate our 21st anniversary next month) told me that my brother made a pass at her, I would be greatful to know the truth. Sure it would effect my relationship with my brother, but in addition to feelings, reality also matters to me.

I will repeat my opinion. He did not cheat. He told the truth. He acted honorably. I also hope that in the end he stays with his girlfriend. (but I realize what they feel and want, is far more important, than what we feel and want).

I wish them well.
________
vaporizers

 

[Undertaker #59*]

I have to say that I am little baffled by your posts too Alice. It seems out of character for you to have such venom in this. I can understand disagreeing with him, but I don't think he deserves the name calling. I can only presume that yesterday's events are affecting your behaviour, which would be understandable.

I am sorry if this is out of line for me to say here and I only have the best interests of the board and its members in mind.

 

[Oedipus Tex]

Remember, too, that you don't need to feel compelled to say anything about your feelings for her sister.

Again, I really recommend you decouple the issues. Keep it to your relationship with the g/f. That's what this is about between the two of you at this point, anyway. I think you need to ask yourself what you would accomplish at this point even bringing her sister into it. Probably nothing or worse than nothing.

Once your relationship with G/F is sorted out (and ended)...given time...you may be able to develop something with the other woman that feels good and healthy and without the spectre of "Betrayal" for either one of you.

Okay, I was pissed off before, but I think this post is the crux of the whole issue.

There is no way that I could divorce the issues of my relationship with G/F and my feelings for Sister. There is just no way to do it. Were it not for my feelings for Sister, I would be happy as a clam with G/F, and she'd have a ring by now. I love her very deeply. I do truly believe that I'd have been happy as her husband.

But that can't happen, BECAUSE of her sister. Now that I know she's there, know her, respect her, love her, how could I? And why should I have to give up on both because they happen to be related? REALPOLITIK? Sorry, there's more here than diplomacy, and everybody feeling O.K.

From where I'm sitting, what's right is right, and a girl deserves to know why a relationship ends, even if the reason is as bland as "this just isn't working out, we're not a good fit." In this case, it isn't that simple. But in this case, there's even more of a reason why she needed to know: 1) because except for that reason, I would have stayed with her - I love and respect her; and 2) she would have found out no matter what, even if I tried to hide it.

So anyway, that's that. They've got a lot to talk about, I'll be as involved as they want me to be. If you want, I'll keep you posted, but it sounds like this whole thing made a lot of you uncomforatble. If so, I'll just let it die. In any case, its time to get some work done, because my clients could give a sh!t about my personal life, right?

Tex

 

[spiderman]

Wow this thread is completely out of control.

And I agree that an all too familiar "melt-down" seems to be happening for unknown reasons.

Tex, you made a good point that too many people are giving way too specific advice about a situation that they know VERY little about. I have to say I couldn't begin to understand the types of people the 3 of you are...

...2 virgins and a guys who tells it how it is.

Also FA, I'm not sure what you said about the situation in Iraq but I guess you are looking for a giant pat on the back?! -not sure where that came from, or what it has to do with this???

 

[spiderman]

I am amazed at how much some of you can write in such a short amount of time.

My attention span is such that it probably takes me about 10 times longer to read some of these posts then it does for you guys to write them.

It truly is remarkable.

As far as the situation, I don't think Oed came on here so much for advice, I think he was looking for a place to pour out the thoughts that were consuming his brain.

FA, you seem to have some issues when it comes to people not taking your advice...I'm getting the feeling that this is the source of your anger.

 

[thomas144]

I am amazed at how much some of you can write in such a short amount of time.

My attention span is such that it probably takes me about 10 times longer to read some of these posts then it does for you guys to write them.

you're doing better than I am. I'm just looking for the photos.

let's see the pictures of these women!

 

[spiderman]

you're doing better than I am. I'm just looking for the photos.

let's see the pictures of these women!

Which really is the only reason that I keep coming back here during the off-season.

The rest of this stuff is just gravy...no offense o

 

[Oedipus Tex]

Ah yes. When a woman says something strongly, it's rage. When a man does, he's simply strong. Right?

First of all, leave WYO out of this. The issues and anger here really seem directed toward me me as I take it. We don't gang up as a sisterhood. I don't speak for her and she doesn't speak for me. I have my own mind. And I know damn well that she does. If both of us have our suspicions about what's really going on here, they come from different places.

But if Oedipus thinks that the ongoing fascination with this thread on the part of the two sisters has more to do with their anger with me or WYO than their devastation over how he's handled this, then I think he's ultimately in for an unpleasant surprise.

Never once did I say this, Alice. I said that she didn't get pissed UNTIL she read your posts, not that she was pissed AT YOU.

Get this through your heads. Go back to my very first post on this subject. I have never believed that it would be wise to stay with his girlfriend if he didn't love her. Never.

This is where I take issue. There is nothing honorable about revealing to someone every last nuance of their decision to end a relationship. Nothing.

Of course, because its much nicer not to explain why a yearlong relatioinship is being abruptly ended. And remember, I'm not trying to end a relationship. I'm trying to convert it. My ultimate (and, I think achievable) goal is to ensure a continued relationship with these women as friends at minimum.

There is nothing honorable about revealing to a woman that that her sister came onto him. Nothing.

Really? If your sister came onto your husband, you wouldn't want to know? Maybe in the head-in-the-sand way, but not REALLY. You'd really feel comfortable that he kept that from you? I don't buy it.

And there is nothing honorable about pointing either of them toward an anonymous board in which everything from a woman's sexual attractiveness to a potential gang-bang is discussed.

You need to relax, Alice. They're fully aware that Sister is a smoker. We've all discussed it. We discuss a lot of this stuff openly and honestly. In this instance, it particularly sucks because G/F was secure enough to think that it wasn't an issue in this case. To be perfectly honest, I'm not so certain it was - Sister is perfect for me in a lot of other ways...she happens to be gorgeous.

There's nothing honorable about any of this. And frankly, it suggests to me (for all his rhetoric to the contrary) that Oedipus doesn't really respect these women. That he hasn't slept with either one of them sounds like it has more to do with their self-control. Not his.

Alright, now I'm insulted. My self-control had nothing to do with it. Of course it was a topic of discussion. As I said, I don't think pre-marital sex is wrong, I'm not a virgin, and I'm not made of stone. Yes, it had a lot to do with G/F's self control, and the firmness of her beliefs. (As for Sister, WTF??? It was never an issue.)
I respect the hell out of both of them. Enough that I didn't feel the need to pussy foot around this, and enough that I think they can deal with reality...and guess what? As it turns out they knew what the reality was anyway, without my help! Amazing what these self-affirming modern women are capable of, isn't it?

And it may be convenient right now for Oedipus to try to villify me. But the truth is that this mess is completely his own making. And if Oedipus doesn't like the direction this thread and his "Love relationships" are going, then he needs to think about what he put in motion. Because he's the one who put it in motion. And if he doesn't like my posts, then next time he may need to think about sharing this kind of information with people he doesn't know and whose reaction would be very hard to gauge and anticipate.

Fair enough - but be honest, Alice. The only reason I villified you (and I'm not sure I did, I just said that you were being incredibly presumptuous) is that you totally flew off the handle and made a whole handful of accusations that you couldn't possibly have a basis for. I certainly can't claim to be either good or dedicated enough of a writer to put across enough information for you to have the sort of insight that you claim.

Oedipus may want to ask himself why he doesn't have friends he could trust who know him and the women in question. The fact that he had to go to a Bulletin Board System for advice about this speaks volumes. And what it has to say does not bode well for him. Intimacy..with self and others...requires the ability to speak honestly as well as when to shut one's mouth. And..to be able to develop relationships in which you can elicit trustworthy advice. Someone who comes to a board for this kind of advice clearly has difficulty with intimacy. And does not have the maturity to enter any relationship of significance.

As I've stated before, I came to this board BECAUSE it was anonymous. How much worse would this be if I had talked to a friend...this is pretty juicy stuff here...how many of your friends would be able to not talk about it? Don't you think I wanted to hear multiple people's input on how to handle this? How much worse would it be if I ended up coming to the same decision that I came to, and she later found out that my friends knew I was ending the relationship before she did? C'mon, Alice, you're better than that.

As I've also stated, my social life does mostly revolve around these two - I work roughly 70 hours a week, and I'm essentially always on call to make sure my clients are happy. Many of my closer male friends are back in Metro Boston, from my college days.

I think Oedipus should take this as profound learning experience and wake-up call. If you sense too much strength in my rhetoric, it's because I feel it necessary to counteract the remarkable amount of collusion going on here that suggests to this boy that he has handled this situation well. He hasn't.

I will never know Oedipus. I will never know where life takes him. Thank god. But as a betting woman I'm guessing that years from now he will still remember this event. And he will see my comments quite differently than he sees them now. I don't think he'll ever thank me. But he'll understand my point.

You sound very proud of yourself. Congratulations. It isn't that I don't understand your point - I do. I just think you're wrong. Is it that hard to fathom?

To answer Oedipus's question. No, I have never, thank god, received from someone who claimed to love me the sort of treatment and lack of consideration and regard that he just dished out. But I'm not passing moral judgement on the man. I'm simply stating that he's a fool.

Lack of consideration and regard? Really. Okay, then, Alice - may you never be with a man who respects you enough to think that you can handle the truth. Happiness awaits.

Again, I suggest you go back and read this thread as if your wife had started this discussion at PatriotsPlanet about your brother. Then left you. Then arrogantly asserted that she had done the honorable thing because she announced that she was leaving you for your brother before she walked out the door. Then, to top it off, she told you that you could read all about it on football bulletin board system -- on which you read things such as comparing your probable cock sizes. And that you had an okay penis. But she guessed your brother's penis was a lot bigger. And beautifully shaped. Much more so than yours.

This isn't anything new, Alice. Do you know which of your friends are attractive and which...not so much? Quick, who, of your female friends, has a small chest? Give me a break.
The three of us are honest enough with eachother to talk about this stuff - its baby stuff.
My brother is better looking than me. But he's a sh!thead, and treats people like stepping stones, so I don't think I have too much to worry about in regards to losing a girlfriend. Most girls that would be attracted to me wouldn't be attracted to him, and vice-versa.
After G/F met my family, she talked about my brother (well, half-brother) - he ran the marathon, is really fit, is successful, and has thick dark hair and speaks well. We're not friggin children, we discuss things and people.

What Oedipus has done is naive at best and emotional exhibitionism at worst.

Maybe. I don't know. I just came here for a few fresh takes on a situation that I wasn't sure how to handle. I didn't come in here flailing, suicidal, what-have-you. I just knew that I didn't want to talk about this with anyone that knew us, because if I should marry either one of them, its the last thing I want lurking in the background later on.

And according to Oedipus, the sisters are angry with me, are they? Well, well. That's what Oedipus gets for trusting a woman he's never met. Sure did backfire on him, didn't it.

No. Again.

Bideau, I'm surprised that you would encourage this young man in his delusions.

I wonder what's going to happen when these sisters have some of their friends read the board. Eventually, some level-headed buddy is going to take one look at it, slap both of them upside the head and tell them that they need to wake up, smell the coffee and get rid of him.

For the life of me, I can't imagine why they would show it to friends. If so, though, hopefully the friend knows both them and me well enough to know the situation better than you do.

The friend will, if she's smart, encourage both of these girls to get into therapy to ask themselves some very pointed questions such as...

*Did it not bother you to hear crass people you don't know suggesting that your boyfriend try to arrange an incestuous three-way among you? How did that make you feel?

Anyone who knows us well would skip this question. They'd be much more inclined to say: "Incestuous group sex, huh? Not into that?" And laugh.

*Did it not bother you to find out that your sister came onto your boyfriend? How did that make you feel?

*When you read that your boyfriend found you attractive but not as attractive as your sister? Was that hurtful to you? Do you think you really needed to hear this? Why do you suppose he allowed you to read that? How did that make you feel.

Obviously, this stuff sucks. But again, I'm not trying to avoid hurt feelings. I'm trying to be open and honest to attempt to retain a salvagable relationship with these women. They are both very much aware that Sister is beautiful.
D@mn right G/F was bothered to find out that Sister came on to me. I sure didn't suggest otherwise.

Look - the self-esteem stuff that is based on falsehood and delusion is bogus. If you're ugly, accept that you're ugly, look for your inherent value someplace else and move on. This delusional false self-esteem stuff is the reason that so many awful, awful singers end up thinking they can be the next "American Idol." Even when they are told that they can't sing, they end up saying something like: "I know I can sing, I don't care if these 3 professional talent scouts just told me to please never sing again. They don't know anything. I know I'm good."

I'm straight with people whenever I can be. This isn't business, its a personal relationship - so you deal with personal stuff.

*When you read these anonymous posters calling into question your relationship with your sister and whether or not you were trustworthy...how did that make you feel?

I'm sure they felt that it was an obvious misread of the situation. In fact, that's what they told me. They were taken aback, yes, but they recognized it for what it was - people trying to relate a situation that doesn't easily accept pidgeonholing into a category with which they are more familiar, whether from their own lives or the various media.

*When your boyfriend then told the board that you are both 27 an 24 year old virgins....how did that make you feel? Did you feel further exposed? Do you like this information being shared on a board?

Considering that no one knows who they are, and that their proud of the fact that they haven't had premarital sex, and that they're both MORE than attractive enough to have had sex if they so chose, I'm not sure they'd care.
They're pretty up front with the fact that they're virgins, whenever it becomes relevant in any conversation. I think it was relevant here, to try and clear up the mischaracterizations that were going on.

*Do you feel? Do you feel anything? Or are you just numb to life and experience?

Please.

And when either of them tell the therapist that they are logical, rational girls and none of this makes them feel badly at all...that Oedipus is an honorable man and that they love each other to pieces, that they are each other's best friend, the therapist will smile, pause and say.

Tell me...how do you really feel?

Um. Again, they feel badly. Their pissed, shocked, whatever you want. But their handling pretty rationally. I expect that they're gonna go through various phases of being pissed at eachother, pissed at me, guilty, etc. That's normal, it makes sense. There may be some other stuff that doesn't make sense. Fine. But believe me, they're feeling it.

All of us joke about stuff when we're uncomforatable. Their reactions make a lot of sense to me.

Helluva thread! Great entertainment, eh?

Might make our top ten for the year.

Ease up, Alice. This isn't for entertainment. Posters took it seriously, and offered serious suggestions. Don't paint it as something it's not.

 

[spiderman]

As far as the advice thing...just an observation, you seem obsessed with getting Oed to see things YOUR way...and with every response he gives you seem to become more angry.

As far as "Got ya on that one?" This plays along closely with your ODD reference to the Iraq war. Being correct, and furthermore being PROVEN correct seem to be VERY important to you.

Who knows exactly why Oed chose this format, different people do different things.

Only time will tell how things will turn out for Oed...

...and if it turns out that you were correct, then we'll all give you a great big pat on the back!

How's that sound?

 

[Annihilus]

Reading this thread and commenting on it (which it will probably take all weekend to do if done properly) just proves how easy it is to push someone to lash out.

Is it any wonder that a previous board member that was a tad off kilter in the mental capacity completely lost it among friends? It's easy to go off on someone when they're not in front of you.

(my opinion based upon posts that I read)

The Internet is real world - it is just not the same kind of real world that we go to work in each day or even see in a bar or restaurant. This can probably be debated until the end of time, but you will not convice me otherwise no matter how hard you try.

I have friends on the Internet, some of you I would like to call friends, though I have never met any of you, and it is likely that I never will. This does not change how I interact with any of you. I realize that not everyone is this way, but there are people just like this in real life - sometimes you will never know who those people are.

It's a different dynamic here, and I don't disparage Oed for coming here to bounce thoughts off of us, Nor will I judge. I'm all for hating political correctness - but name calling (Idiot - Dope, Jerk, etc.) never got anyone anywhere but back to the beginning scene in 2001: A Space Odyssey where monkeys were throwing sticks and stones.

This is a community that will have just as much life and thought as real people will put into it. It's not going to be perfect.

But who wants perfect? How boring.

Not sure what my comments have to do with anything, but I wanted to say something here. That's my two bits.

 

[Annihilus]

No annihilus. This isn't the same as the real world. If you think that, you're mistaken. What happens online and what happens in life should remain separate.

I didn't mean it is the real world. It is A real world. Just different from the one we actually live in. The Internet world will grow and change over time and probably be unrecognizable by the time we are old.

The direction the community, or 'Internet World' take will depend upon how it is used by us that are lucky enough to have it in its infancy.

I respectfully disagree with your opinion. And that's what makes life and this world so great. I can do that and still respect you as a person.

Even if I've never met you.

 

[Oedipus Tex]

Well, first of all....I never became enraged. I became shocked. And I suppose since I started the board, I feel a certain...protectiveness of it. As well as it posters. What this young man has done is screwed himself over in a way that none of you can imagine. But it's his life. It's his choice.

He has the warmth of all your fellowship to convince him that he's done the right thing in the right way. And that his behavior is honorable and commendable. Certainly only good things can come to a man as noble as this. Certainly the gods will look upon him with great favor. We shall see him immortalized in Plutarch's lives.

On the other hand, I beg to differ. And I'm not sure that we shall see. But Oedipus will most certainly see. And he'll remember this exchange for the rest of his life. Of that, I assure you.

How's that sound?

I think I'm going to change my name to Cassandra.

Do you find it helpful or harmful, overall, to go through life so certain that you are right about everything?

 

[Annihilus]

Well, here's the thing. I suppose I no longer respect Oedipus as a person. I like him. I think he's often charming. I feel affection for him and wish him the best. Watching him do what he's done to himself pains me. But respect him? No. I don't, anymore.

And I'm afraid that Oedipus is going to find more of that reaction as he goes about his daily existence.

Nothing wrong with that.

But at this point your metaphor is quite flawed. The internet is NOT a real world. It can hurt you, for sure. Like nightmare's can hurt you. But it is a place of fantasy -- as our avatars attest. The foolishness of encouraging an integration of online life with that of your daily existence is dangerous indeed. The intimacy seems very easy to develop. It's quite a simple thing to believe that you know someone. But you don't. Not really.

Well, I don't see it as a metaphor - but that's also your opinion. You can't convince me otherwise. Nor can you convince my of my 'foolishness'. Dreamers made this country. Dreamers make the world. Dreamers make fantasy and nightmares both. You can look at Nazi Germany for the evil side of that equation. The world is what you make of it.

The intimacy seems very easy to develop? Yep - you're right about that. That's both got its advantages and disadvantages that I think are obvious to us both.

When you say it's quite a simple thing to believe that you know someone - that's absolutely no different from real life. There are people I've known my entire life that have turned out to have sides of them that I never could have guessed.

Be very careful in the future gentlemen, from imagining that the real world and an online world should be at all integrated. Not at this point it shouldn't. Maybe one day. Maybe one day in our lifetimes we'll be walking around some data-matrix in a William Gibson novel.

Ok, that may or may not be a little silly - who knows. But that's not exactly what I was going for. The world is and has been changing and evolving for millions of years. Hell just two hundred years ago Television and Phones would have been considered witchcraft. I don't pretend to know how life & technology will evolve over the next few hundred years.

But for now...no. Be careful, lest you fall into online affairs, become stalked or stalkers, ruin your marriages, lose money, destroy your chances for happiness, what-have-you... all because you believed -- foolishly -- that this place represents any sort of real world.

All done just as easily enough in the real world. Millions of people do it every day. It's not the virtual world that causes these problems. It's just another medium to do it in.

It's not. And I should know. I founded this world.

Careful, gentlemen. Careful.

Ok, so you're Al Gore now? Did you invent the Internet? D - that was a joke, by the way. In no way am I making light of this discussion or you).

And here I thought I would plod through the day without inspiration.

 

[bideau]

Damn. You found me out.

That would explain the uncharacteristic behavior. With the DNC right around the corner, you must be feeling some pain.

 

[Oedipus Tex]

Well, here's the thing. I suppose I no longer respect Oedipus as a person. I like him. I think he's often charming. I feel affection for him and wish him the best. Watching him do what he's done to himself pains me. But respect him? No. I don't, anymore.

And I'm afraid that Oedipus is going to find more of that reaction as he goes about his daily existence.

But at this point your metaphor is quite flawed. The internet is NOT a real world. It can hurt you, for sure. Like nightmare's can hurt you. But it is a place of fantasy -- as our avatars attest. The foolishness of encouraging an integration of online life with that of your daily existence is dangerous indeed. The intimacy seems very easy to develop. It's quite a simple thing to believe that you know someone. But you don't. Not really.

Be very careful in the future gentlemen, from imagining that the real world and an online world should be at all integrated. Not at this point it shouldn't. Maybe one day. Maybe one day in our lifetimes we'll be walking around some data-matrix in a William Gibson novel.

But for now...no. Be careful, lest you fall into online affairs, become stalked or stalkers, ruin your marriages, lose money, destroy your chances for happiness, what-have-you... all because you believed -- foolishly -- that this place represents any sort of real world.

It's not. And I should know. I founded this world.

Careful, gentlemen. Careful.

Interestingly, I think we're now arguing while being in agreement.

What you're saying is EXACTLY why I came here. It is 1) anonymous (relatively speaking, of course, I'm well aware of the tracking capabilities, etc.); 2) likely to illicit a fairly broad range of responses; and 3) essentially divorced from reality. While in general I bring things to friends (as opposed to therapists, as I referenced earlier) an internet board is an excellent alternative in that it provides secrecy, more or less, while enabling short-takes on a situation.

If it provides entertainment to others, then that's fine, too. I'm glad I could help. The girls don't care, really, they "play" on the internet a pretty decent amount of the time. I expected it, deflected most of it, and got a decent amount of solid advice and different takes on the situation. You yourself commented on how much of the advice was pretty sound.

In the end, DolFan's advice about being honest (not so much the threesome, though ) about the whole thing struck the most resonant chord with me, sort of affirmed what I thought the right thing to do was.

I don't know what I would have done with this is Sister hadn't showed her hand. I may very well have taken your advice, Alice (I think it was yours, among others) of breaking off the relationship, and waiting to see if something developed with Sister. I'm not sure I'll ever know.

 

[Oedipus Tex]

Superior aren't you? Are you going to let her say these things about you OED? That is beyond unprofessional and umoderatorial. It is an outright insult. Every man on this board should be offended by this "attitiude." Gobsmacked? You aren't seriously just going to take that?

If you ask nicely maybe she will let you be the man next time.....

ROFL

She's been insulting me for 3+ pages, hoss. That's fine, I can take it.

I'm not a real big believer that moderators need to be above the fray, just that they need to not let their powers come into play when their posting.

And BTW, read...she was saying she was gobsmacked. Do you even know what it means? It's not an insult (though I could see why it would be taken that way, broken into its component parts).

 

[Annihilus]

And I must say, if there is anything that probably fuels my sense of alarm and concern for you and strength of my reaction, it's not some angry feminism nor some past wound left unacknowledged and unhealed. Rather, it's that I have been given quite a bit of pause lately thinking about the dangers of the internet. One of the things I make a habit of never doing is meeting anyone on the board. And that has served me in good stead. I don't share personal information and I don't integrate my personal and private life with what happens on the board. And given recent developments I can only say, that these have been EXTREMELY wise decisions. Thank god that I kept as many boundaries around my relationship with many people on this board as I do. Had I not? I might be a very nervous woman right now. Remember that, Oed. And you too, Annihilus. An online community provides you none of the usual safety nets afforded in the real world. Your social group has no personal contact, can't identify each other. There are not the same social and civic relationships that mediate and control interpersonal contact. It's a hidden and shadowy world.

Soon, in fact, I'll be putting up a post about my own plans at the moment, relative to my own participation on the board.

Truly. Be careful.

And good luck.

Thanks for the advice FA - I know it was given with best of intentions. However I refuse to live in fear of whack-jobs wherever they reside, be it here or in the real world. I've dealt with them in both places.

And in both places I really didn't have a problem telling them that they could place their lips on my ass if they crossed any boundaries that I set for myself.

I wouldn't blame you if you were nervous - but I'm not about to be. No one but me will dictate what I do with my life. I don't care how deranged they are.