Chiefs/Patriots article from Warpaint Illustrated

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GoChiefs

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Dear Bill Belichick,

Hey, Coach! I know you’re getting a lot of mail from bigmouth columnists these days, but hear me out. My message concerns your season opener, Sunday against the Kansas City Chiefs at Gillette Stadium.

You might be considering sitting your reportedly ailing quarterback, Tom Brady. The latest news has Brady, who you didn’t play all preseason, suffering from a minor foot fracture.

Sitting Brady might make sense. After all, as the old Snickers commercial goes, who are the Chefs? According to the national media and heck, a lot of Chiefs fans to boot, Kansas City’s football franchise is as threatening as creamy nougat, peanuts and chocolate. A soft, sweet treat for your Patriots as they begin the 2008 season.

Why start Brady? Why risk your franchise player against – supposedly – the creampuff of your schedule? I’ll tell you why, Coach.

First off, let’s look at your offense. You dumped Donte Stallworth this offseason. Wes Welker's got sore ribs. Tight end Benjamin Watson's got a bad knee. With Stallworth gone and Welker and Watson dinged up, your offense winds up attacking a Herm Edwards defense with Randy Moss, Jabar Gaffney and Laurence Maroney.

Here’s the bad news – the Chiefs have Randy’s number. In two years as an Oakland Raider, Moss had one good game against Kansas City, and the Chiefs still won that contest when The Freak failed to show up in crunch time. Then later that year, Gunther Cunningham devised a defensive scheme that featured Dewayne Washington as a shutdown corner. Moss pretty much disappeared that day and was never heard from again until last season.

If the Chiefs stop Moss – and you might be laughing, Bill, but the Chiefs held their own against Chad Johnson and Calvin Johnson a year ago – how is your offense, minus Brady, going to move the ball? Gaffney? Maroney? You don’t even have your reliable third-down back, Kevin Faulk, around to catch screen passes and dumpoffs this week, thanks to his suspension. Yeah, Welker will probably play, but Patrick Surtain can handle him just fine (Welker isn't known for blazing speed, after all).

Oh, but wait, Coach! There’s more. We haven’t talked about your defense. You remember, the one that wilted last year in the Super Bowl, the one with the aging linebackers (all of them over 30, except rookie Jerod Mayo), inexperienced cornerbacks and Methuselah the strong safety (Rodney Harrison)?

Yeah, Bill, it’s bad news. The Chiefs aren’t great on offense, but your linebackers are either too old, or too young to have a prayer of containing KC’s Triceratops Backfield (Larry Johnson, Kolby Smith and Jamaal Charles) in the open field. If Teddy Bruschi gets one-on-one with LJ this Sunday, he might just end up back in the hospital.

Let’s look at that secondary, Bill. Who’s covering Tony Gonzalez? Do you have a plan to stop Dwayne Bowe that doesn't involve 5-foot-9 Ellis Hobbs, your best corner, this weekend?

Heck, you look a little desperate, Coach, signing Deltha O’Neal, a known burn victim, this week and going after Ty Law and John Lynch to round out your retirement home defensive backfield. They remain good friends, but Chiefs Head Coach Herm Edwards and Lynch always have a good laugh when they get together these days, because Herm can outrun Lynch, now.

But, listen, Bill, it’s even worse than you might think. Yes, the Chiefs can stop Moss. They have skill position players who match up well against your defense. But even if Brady plays, you could be in more trouble than you think.

I mentioned Gunther Cunningham earlier, but here’s the real kicker – Gunther may have Brady’s number, too. The last time Cunningham ran into Brady, it was no contest. Somehow, Gunther came up with a defensive gameplan that made Brady look like Jake Plummer. And this was in 2005, when the Chiefs were still giving up huge gobs of points every other week.

Seriously, you remember that day. Gunther put a defense that included Eric Hicks, Eric Warfield, Kendrell Bell, Lional Dalton and Sammy Knight on the field against your offense. They hit Brady, confused him, and he threw four interceptions. Greg Wesley, who’s sitting on his couch combing his dreadlocks right about now, somehow snagged three of them.

What will Gunther come up with now that he has Tamba Hali, Donnie Edwards, Jarrad Page, Glenn Dorsey, a seasoned Derrick Johnson, and several other defenders who put his 2005 unit to shame? Brady hasn’t played in a live NFL game in months. He’ll be doing well just to poorly imitate the player he was last season.

And speaking of Brady imitations, you remember your old bench-warmer, Damon Huard? Yeah, he’s a Chief now. Did you know he’s considered the world’s leading NFL thespian? That’s right, every year he puts on a show in practice during the week when Kansas City plays Peyton Manning, and the Chiefs have stumped Manning pretty good over the years. Now Huard gets another chance to do his best Brady impression (he was with the Chiefs in 2005), and he played with Brady for three years.

By the time Sunday rolls around, Huard is going to have Gunther’s cast of defensive talent tap-dancing and singing duets like a leading Broadway production. They’re going to have every Brady mannerism, every little tick, everything that makes Brady who he is, down pat.

Heck, if Brady’s foot is as bad as everyone thinks, Huard’s already got that part replicated perfectly. He’s not exactly Michael Vick back there in the pocket, but you know that, Coach.

Did I mention spy cameras will be useless against this new Chiefs offense? You watch one series, maybe two, and you’ll know what's coming next time without any subterfuge. The only question is if you can stop it. I’m sure you remember Chan Gailey, KC’s new offensive coordinator, slapping 27 and 23 points on your defense back in 2000 and 2001 with the Miami Dolphins. If Gailey toasted you with Lamar Smith and Oronde Gadsden, what will he cook up for Larry Johnson and Dwayne Bowe?

Yeah, I’d say you need Brady more than some people might think, Bill. Get him ready to start against the Chiefs, because you’re going to need him. Tom Brady might be the difference between losing and winning by three touchdowns this Sunday. You can’t be too careful, Coach!
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ROFLROFLROFL

You're such an asstrout.ROFL
 
Mmmmm...I'm going fishing for some asstrout this weekend. ROFL
 
I just figured it out! We kept Cassell to play in the first game to keep the score down. Cassell should muster up two field goal drives. Pats win a close one 6-3. Very sportsman-like. Lets face it, if Brady played, it would be an unmerciful 42-3 ass whoopin' and everyone would be on us for running up the score.
 
this person that addressed BB obviously has fallen into a vat of red Kool-aid......wow what a doofus ROFL
 
I thought that visiting trolls were supposed to post their crap in Assclown Asylum.
 
I wonder what the qualifications are to write for "Warpaint Illustrated". My guess is lack of oxygen as a child? I can't wait to see the Pats kick these clowns' asses on Sunday.
 
Meh

Give GoChiefs credit for trying to bring some sort of smack this week. It has been very disappointing that ChiefsPlanet has not come here in force this week.

BTW, SC, if you would like your old account back with privileges, that can probably be arranged, depending on how much of an Asstrout you plan to be.
 
Can we just forfeit this game? Hell they shutdown Moss when he was with the Raiders, thus meaning the Pats will have no pass offense this week. Their D coordinator is a genious, if I remember correctly the Chiefs are continously the best D in the league. How the hell can we stop their run game. I just we keep it within 30

(This prolly should be in the Karma thread instead, but o well)
 
Undertaker #59 said:
Meh

Give GoChiefs credit for trying to bring some sort of smack this week. It has been very disappointing that ChiefsPlanet has not come here in force this week.

BTW, SC, if you would like your old account back with privileges, that can probably be arranged, depending on how much of an Asstrout you plan to be.
Click to expand...

I'll be less of an asstrout. I promise. Deal?
 
Undertaker #59 said:
Meh

Give GoChiefs credit for trying to bring some sort of smack this week. It has been very disappointing that ChiefsPlanet has not come here in force this week.
Click to expand...

Umm...you do realize that we're Chiefs fans, right? You know - the ones who are rooting for a team that probably won't win 5 games this year? It's hard to get excited about a game against the 18-1 almost-Super-Bowl-champions.
 
Welcome to the Planet !

Can't blame the homer press for talking up their own team and best case situation for them. I think he's dreaming though and the Chiefs are going to be on the Trail Of Tears by the time the game is over.
 
As a Chiefs fan, I can tell you I hate the Patriots. I hate them, with all of my heart. I know we're going to get smoked...probably by 30+...

I can say, with confidence, that Peyton Manning is a far superior QB than Tom Brady. Easily. Brady is great, easily #2 in the NFL...but Peyton is the best QB in the history of football.

So while I will not debate the fact the Chiefs will look like a college team against the Pats on Sunday...I will debate how overrated glory boy Brady is and how clutch he really isn't...

Driving 20 yards for Vinateri three times doesn't make you clutch...he can thank Vinateri for his place in history...he has a chance to drive them into field goal range against the Giants...in fact, Tom Brady didn't show up in the Super Bowl...he played borderline awful.

Biggest game of his life...a chance to go 19-0...a chance for that team to always be remembered as the greatest...

and he shits the bed.

If Peyton is a choker...what does that make Tom? Put Tom on Indy and they are a borderline playoff team...put Peyton on NE and they have won 6 straight Super Bowls...
 
I'm still jealous of Brady...the 2nd best QB in the NFL...I mean, we have Brodie Croyle.
 
Hootie said:
As a Chiefs fan, I can tell you I hate the Patriots. I hate them, with all of my heart. I know we're going to get smoked...probably by 30+...

I can say, with confidence, that Peyton Manning is a far superior QB than Tom Brady. Easily. Brady is great, easily #2 in the NFL...but Peyton is the best QB in the history of football.

So while I will not debate the fact the Chiefs will look like a college team against the Pats on Sunday...I will debate how overrated glory boy Brady is and how clutch he really isn't...

Driving 20 yards for Vinateri three times doesn't make you clutch...he can thank Vinateri for his place in history...he has a chance to drive them into field goal range against the Giants...in fact, Tom Brady didn't show up in the Super Bowl...he played borderline awful.

Biggest game of his life...a chance to go 19-0...a chance for that team to always be remembered as the greatest...

and he shits the bed.

If Peyton is a choker...what does that make Tom? Put Tom on Indy and they are a borderline playoff team...put Peyton on NE and they have won 6 straight Super Bowls...
Click to expand...

Seriously though...
 
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