Dolphins of Doom destroy Putrid Pats - Karma...

[gomezcat]

Ugh. We are so screwed. The extremely hot Miami Dolphins will widen the gap at the summit of the AFC, in a story that will be depressingly familiar to non-bandwagon fans who remember the '80s.

If you're a bandwagon fan "of a certain age", you might want to dig out your Bears, 49ers and Giants jerseys. If you're a more recent bandwagon fan, I suggest declaring how you now find Football boring.

The Pats' "bend and break at even the slightest sign of stress" D, and their "Spread" offence (spread as in "thinly spread talent") will yet again prove depressingly awful. By the end of the game, we will be pining for Rod Rust to return and will be begging Scott Zolak to hang up his commentating headphones, to start at QB.

Unlike in previous incarnations of this thread, Brady makes it through the game in one piece. It doesn't help in the slightest as Cameron Wake, Robert Quinn et al do him and (to quote the Ammu-Nation ad on GTA) "flip him over for seconds".

He completes no passes, is sacked 35 times, and picked off 10 times. Sony Michel gets another rude awakening about the NFL and outdoes Vontae Davis by retiring during the first quarter.

Ryan Tannehill is Dan Marino but without the choking. He finds Stills and Amendola all day long and it is a long day for this D.

The Pats end up with minus 1776 yards on O. The Dolphins get a combined 1945 yards.

Finally, three hours later, the torture ends.

Dastardly Dolphins - 642
Pats - Nada.

 

[chevss454]

Ugh. We are so screwed. The extremely hot Miami Dolphins will widen the gap at the summit of the AFC, in a story that will be depressingly familiar to non-bandwagon fans who remember the '80s.

If you're a bandwagon fan "of a certain age", you might want to dig out your Bears, 49ers and Giants jerseys. If you're a more recent bandwagon fan, I suggest declaring how you now find Football boring.

The Pats' "bend and break at even the slightest sign of stress" D, and their "Spread" offence (spread as in "thinly spread talent") will yet again prove depressingly awful. By the end of the game, we will be pining for Rod Rust to return and will be begging Scott Zolak to hang up his commentating headphones, to start at QB.

Unlike in previous incarnations of this thread, Brady makes it through the game in one piece. It doesn't help in the slightest as Cameron Wake, Robert Quinn et al do him and (to quote the Ammu-Nation ad on GTA) "flip him over for seconds".

He completes no passes, is sacked 35 times, and picked off 10 times. Sony Michel gets another rude awakening about the NFL and outdoes Vontae Davis by retiring during the first quarter.

Ryan Tannehill is Dan Marino but without the choking. He finds Stills and Amendola all day long and it is a long day for this D.

The Pats end up with minus 1776 yards on O. The Dolphins get a combined 1945 yards.

Finally, three hours later, the torture ends.

Dastardly Dolphins - 642
Pats - Nada.

That's about right since the last time we played them we lost 27-20 in Miami with Jay Cutler at QB.

 

[mikiemo83]

Rams are 4-0, last time that happened the pats went 1-3.

The pats are screwed, killer Dolphins coming up the coast, looking for patriots to devour.

69-0

Football and beer
Beer and football.

 

[bmooney54]

This is a must-win game for the Pats. There is no team better than losing a must-win game than the Pats. The Pats really have no one on offense. Gronk will be doubled all day, but Brady will force feed him and have 2 picks. Brady will miss wide-open receivers, and when he actually manages to throw a good ball, they will drop it. The defense will continue to give up 8 minute scoring drives. The Dolphins are one of the best teams in the league and the Pats are one of the worst. This game will go exactly how we all fear it will. Don Shula and Mercury Morris won't be popping champagne this week. We're screwed.

 

[PumpDee]

The Dolphins are the future, the Pats are the past.



137 - 3 Phins.

 

[Baron Samedi]

Gonna be like getting b*tch slapped with an Octopus..
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[Patriots44]

If pats play like they did the last 2 weeks, this will be more like a game prediction thread

 

[Hawg73]

A Karma thread does seem kind of like piling on since we're witnessing the long-predicted death spiral of the entire franchise.

Let's sum it up. We can't play D and have no linebackers, no pass rush and no ability to stop the run. The backfield is getting spottier by the week.

On offense things aren't a whole lot better. Our running backs are dropping like flies. Our few remaining wideouts can't get open or catch, therefore making us not only ineffective, but piteously pathetic. I'm getting sympathy cards from Eagles fans.

Remember when Brady used to be the best QB in the league? Where would he be so far THIS year? Top ten? Ish?

Over the last week or so I've watched a half-dozen guys who barely shave make him look like it's just about Matlock time for Tommy the Time Machine.

And so did you, even though you don't like to think about it.

We can't beat possibly Miami and every single person who actually knows the tiniest bit about what we do around here and isn't a complete yahoo homer knows it.

We're going to need a lot more than Edelman and a Josh Gordon fairy tale to get ourselves out of this fucking mess.

To paraphrase one of the great minds around here:

When Belichick announces that he's retiring-- cheer.

Miami 28
Patriots 3

(In each half)

 

[MEPATNUT]

Calling them "The Dolphins" is a ruse. they want us to think that Flipper is coming to Gillette this Sunday.

This is what's coming to Gillette this Sunday:

And we are doomed.

 

[Baron Samedi]

Calling them "The Dolphins" is a ruse. they want us to think that Flipper is coming to Gillette this Sunday.

This is what's coming to Gillette this Sunday:

And we are doomed.

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[BostonTim]

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Damn you Baron. I sit here just now ready to put this up mysrlf.


But at least they won't get Tommy with no candy-gram.

Cheers

 

[tehmackdaddy]

 

[gomezcat]

If pats play like they did the last 2 weeks, this will be more like a game prediction thread

Funnily enough, it didn't entirely feel right to be starting this one.

 

[fulltilt]

With 4:45 left in the 4th quarter of a surprisingly tight 0-0 game the Pats line up for a go ahead 33 yard field goal. Suddenly Mercury Morris runs onto the field and using his own stash creates a snowstorm of epic proportions. Belichick, ever the NFL historian and always prepared for the unusual play points to the stands. Mark Henderson leaps from his seat and burglarizes Patriot Place stealing the John Deere model 314 with the sweeper attachment from it's ceiling display. He clears the field giving Ghost the firm footing he needs for this game winning field goal. The snap! The placement and as Ghost's foot swings out for contact Don Shula screaming "Unfair Advantage" shoots a hole in the ball causing massive deflation. Roger Goodell siting the Ideal gas Law see's nothing wrong. The kick sails wide right (and 25 yards short). The Dolphins then score 7 times in the next 3 minutes to put the division lead in a vice grip.

We have no chance. None.

Dynamic Dolphins 46
Pathetic Pastries 0

We are DOOOMED!
Doomed I tell you!

 

[Icon53]

These days the karma threads seem way too accurate...