Help a brother out - the thread for dating tips

Share this page

TBrownslady said:
Lol well i was commenting on the answers here. Moose I'd suggest not taking pm advice especially from piggy lol
Click to expand...

I second this motion :wink:

Moose you got some really good advice and I too have to commend you for putting yourself kinda sorta back out there. Took me 3 years to even have the confidence to think about meeting new folks.

Oh, one more thing ... never think your posts here are stupid..ever...unless, you have a secret mancrush on Fivehead Manning..then all bets are off!
 
wedding_crashers_02.jpg
TBrownslady said:
You are more than welcome to :) I just can't promise there will be a seat to sit in lol
Click to expand...

Look at that picture before encouraging piggy and I to do anything!!!
 
I'm at work, confused and need something to do. So I'll bump this with my latest dumb dating situation. I feel like a teenager looking for advice lol. To be fair, I've asked friends and they all have different opinions and none of them have been through what I've been through.

Most people here know I'm currently going through a divorce - papers were filed last month, yay. Should all be final sometime in March I think.

I went on a few dates last year and actually saw one girl for a few months until I broke it off a little before Christmas. About 2 weeks ago I refreshed my online profiles and starting chatting with girls again, without any real intent or expectations. I spoke with a bunch, most of whom I lost interest in quickly. One that I did meet was nice, but I don't think either of us felt a spark. Fast forward to last week...

I'm in love. Just kidding, but this one girl I've been chatting with is phenomenal. She's gorgeous (one of the prettiest I messaged) and, more importantly, we seem to get each other. We've spent hours on what she deems 'dorky conversations' about random things like our love for WWF as kids. She sent me a picture of her Montreal Canadiens jersey (Price) cause she's a big fan, so when I asked her to meet I suggested she wear her Habs jersey and I'd wear my Canucks jersey for a hockey date. I thought it was a corny suggestion but she absolutely loved it and accepted my invite. The other night we also had a meme war over text (spamming memes back and forth) ... like I said, dorks.

Usually when I talk to a girl online I'm just interested in learning basic things about her to decide if I want to meet. With this girl, I've learned about the same amount of basic things as usual, but our conversations have organically turned into some of the funnest text convos I've ever had. From what I can tell, she feels the same way.

We were supposed to meet for coffee tonight but she's under the weather and we're meeting on the weekend instead.

OK, enough rambling. I have two points to make:

1. She does not know that I'm soon-to-be divorced. For some stupid reason (suggestion of a friend) I changed my POF profile from Separated to Single. I don't think the status is the end of the world though. However, the plan was to do the initial meet with girls (which isn't usually a real date) and then either tell them during or after, assuming there's desire for a real date. But we've been texting so much (everyday, sometimes for hours) that I feel like we've created a greater bond than I'd normally have before meeting. And now with postponing meeting, it will be even longer before I see her. I was already super stressed/nervous about telling her, and having to wait longer while (presumably) still texting seems daunting.

My only options at this point are to tell her in a text and pray, or wait until we meet. The only issue is, I think this 'meet' will be more like a real date than a casual first meeting (my gut feeling). Obviously my original intent was the speak about it in person, so that my body language and tone of voice could convey exactly where things stand. Now I feel like doing it when we meet will put her in a shitty position, because if she's not OK with it then she's stuck with me in person having to find a way to leave or suffer through the date.

Although texting is less personal and I have less control over how my words are interpreted, should I just tell her that I want to be honest/upfront and do it immediately?

2. Have any of you gone through a similar situation with a lot of texting before meeting? I'm a bit concerned that our 'in-person' selves may not live up to the expectations created by the 'relationship' we're forming online. I know I make her laugh, but I don't want to be a goofy idiot on the date because that's not what most women want. I'm trying to figure out how to be my goofy, sarcastic online self while still being charming and an adult. I also wonder if there's a risk of turning into 'friend material' through texts. In person I am always naturally a bit more serious, so I was thinking of being that guy but perhaps doing something 'goofy and fun' to show her that side of me. The jersey is part of that, but I was also thinking of printing out a goofy meme or two that I know she likes and then tossing them onto the table when the conversation leads into one perfectly.

Would love some general thoughts/input. Obviously #1 is what is more on my mind right now. I haven't met her yet so I'm keeping things in perspective, but I'm naturally the kind of person who worries about these things. For most girls I haven't really stressed about it, but for whatever reason she feels different. If she doesn't like me then that's cool and understandable, but I don't want to blow things by doing or not doing something within my control.
 
Regarding 1) my wife and I agree that you should wait until later. There's no reason to unload all of that on a first date.
 
anderson said:
Regarding 1) my wife and I agree that you should wait until later. There's no reason to unload all of that on a first date.
Click to expand...

Shit, really? Most of my friends have said the opposite. Not to discuss in great detail, but just to say something like: "hey, here's is my current situation. It's completely amicable and resolved, just waiting for the courts to issue documents. Ask questions if you like."

I think in other cases where the first date is one of the first times you really get to know the person, I could see waiting (unless the question comes up specifically). But right now I feel like the longer I go having these great conversations with her, the more I am deceiving her.

I'm just worried I'll scare her off (though my friends all say most women will be OK given my circumstances), and I don't want her to feel later like I misled her. Are you suggesting in a text/phone conversation after the first date or on a 2nd or 3rd or whatever date?

Thanks!
 
If she is interested in you enough telling her won't matter. I dated a guy for a year that was going through a divorce. It was one of the funnest times I ever had. The important thing was he was completely open and honest with me about everything. We were at different points in our lives.he was divorcing with 3 older kids I was in my mid 20s living the fun life otherwise maybe it could have become more. Either way I appreciated his honesty from the start which made it extremely easy to be with him. I say tell her but not in text maybe in a phone call or even on the first date.

I hope all works out with you :) I think getting to know eachother beforehand is great as long as you don't let it go too long. Then you get thrown into the friend category lol that happened to me as well which resulted in 5 torturous years of wanting to be with someone who was a really great friend
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top