Anybody Know Any Good Jokes?

Barack Obama met with the Queen of England.
He asked her, “Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?”
“Well,” said the Queen, “the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people.”
Obama frowned, and then asked, “But how do I know if the people around me are really intelligent?”
The Queen took a sip of tea. “Oh, that’s easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle.”
The Queen pushed a button on her intercom. “Please send David Cameron in here, would you?”
Cameron walked into the room and said, “Yes, Your Majesty?”
The Queen smiled and said, “Answer me this please, David. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister.
Who is it?”
Without pausing for a moment, Cameron answered, “That would be me.”
“Yes! Very good,” said the Queen.
Obama went back home to ask Joe Biden the same question. “Joe, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It’s not your brother and it’s not your sister. Who is it?”
“I’m not sure,” said Biden. “Let me get back to you on that one.” He went to his advisers and asked everyone, but none could give him an answer.
Finally, Biden ran in to Sarah Palin out eating one night. Biden asked, “Sarah, can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it’s not your brother or your sister. Who is it?”
Sarah Palin answered right back, “That’s easy, it’s me!”
Biden smiled, and said, “Thanks!” Then, he went back to speak with Obama.
“Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle . . . It’s Sarah Palin!”
Obama got up, stomped over to Biden, and angrily yelled into his face, “No! You idiot! It’s not Sarah Palin . . .
It’s David Cameron!”
Good one. One good joke deserves another:

The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.

The Pope leaned in towards Trump and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!"

Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!”

So, the Pope slapped him.
 
Good one. One good joke deserves another:

The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.

The Pope leaned in towards Trump and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!"

Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!”

So, the Pope slapped him.
LOL.
 
FMMfW6yXIAAnQiP
 
An athiest, a vegan and a homosexual all walk in to a bar.

How do I know?

They all told me within 30 seconds.
Still don't recognize the first one.

Alice is a little athi, Betty is athier, and Carol is athiest. Is that how it works?

If I only knew what athi meant, I would be onto something. :)
 
Still don't recognize the first one.

Alice is a little athi, Betty is athier, and Carol is athiest. Is that how it works?

If I only knew what athi meant, I would be onto something. :)
And Cookbook Author Helen is Witty, but John Greenleaf is Whittier
 
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That's art imitating life, right there.

I once worked with a girl who was generally described as ditzy by all who knew her. She had heard I was a big Patriots fan and decided to share
her embarrassing experience with me.

Her Man was going to a Pats game and he'd asked her to make some sandwiches for himself and his friends for the tailgate and she decided to
whip up some Tuna Fish for them. According to her, that was about the extent of her culinary skills.

Comes time for lunch at Gillette and the guys got a little pensive when chewing the sandwiches until somebody spit his on the ground and yelled WTF!!!!.

Yes, Donna didn't bother look at the label and, later, the recovered can revealed that she had actually made the crew CATFOOD sandwiches. All-time bad
tailgate style right there. Of course, I didn't want to hurt her feelings, but couldn't help but double over laughing. True story.
 
That's art imitating life, right there.

I once worked with a girl who was generally described as ditzy by all who knew her. She had heard I was a big Patriots fan and decided to share
her embarrassing experience with me.

Her Man was going to a Pats game and he'd asked her to make some sandwiches for himself and his friends for the tailgate and she decided to
whip up some Tuna Fish for them. According to her, that was about the extent of her culinary skills.

Comes time for lunch at Gillette and the guys got a little pensive when chewing the sandwiches until somebody spit his on the ground and yelled WTF!!!!.

Yes, Donna didn't bother look at the label and, later, the recovered can revealed that she had actually made the crew CATFOOD sandwiches. All-time bad
tailgate style right there. Of course, I didn't want to hurt her feelings, but couldn't help but double over laughing. True story.
Truth be told, catfood has more nutrients innit then human food? Meow, Meow!
 
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