Hawg73
Mediocre with flashes of brilliance
- Joined
- Nov 26, 2002
- Messages
- 25,160
- Reaction score
- 11,519
- Points
- 113
- Age
- 68
- Location
- Gumdrop house on Lollipop Ln.
The Belichicoder is a device I invented (and have patented) which has the capability to interpret the words of Bill Belichick and output what he would have said had he been telling the truth. Enjoy.
BB: Good morning. Welcome to football season and another year of my thoughtful responses to your insightful questions. I promise two things to you all for 2014. One, I’m going to wear you all down to the point that when it comes time for another question your main thought is: “To hell with it. I’ll just sit here with my dick in my hand and hope somebody else walks the plank” and two, we’ll win at least 12 games and be there in the end fighting to try to win another Lombardi, because I chose to spend my time coaching and not playing grab-ass with you people.
Q: What can you say you truly know about the team right now as you start this part of the process?
BB: (clears throat and gargles sinus phlegm) What I truly know is that every year the deck is stacked a different way and, in essence, the game becomes finding your way through all the variables, the rules changes, the injuries, the schedule, the experiential arc of your guys and the evolution of strategies to somehow find a way to reach and motivate those players to get the absolute maximum out of whatever ability they possess. I know all of that and also that I finally have a stud corner that can throw a blanket over the other guy’s best weapon any time I feel the need.
Q: Is it too early to know the condition of the team? I know you mentioned you’re going to do some conditioning today but some guys have been in.
BB: Wait. I’m going to be doing some conditioning? Are you saying I’ve put on a few pounds? No, THEY’RE going to be doing some conditioning. I plan to watch them do that conditioning while I practice spinning my whistle.
Q: Is everybody here or accounted for?
BB: We’ll find out. You could have a guy calling in saying “I’m right around the corner. Be there in 5 minutes” and then he gets hit by a meteor.
Q: Guys still rolling in?
BB: Yeah, one of our guys was at a fishing camp in Canada and the float plane pilot had some kind of intestinal thing.....bad diarrhea or whatever. Something about some bad venison and he was too sick to fly. It’s not like we could send a clubhouse guy to pick him up. Something like that happens every summer, but we usually cut whoever it happens to, so…..
Q: Has Rob Gronkowski been here? Is a decision on him still to come in terms of PUP?
BB: He’s been here. It's kind of hard to miss him.
Q: Would it be accurate to say he won’t start camp on the PUP list?
BB: Yeah, he would be ineligible to do that. Either that or it would be semi-inadvisable. It’s a bit of a mystery to be honest. A riddle wrapped in an enigma.
Q: Because he’s been here?
BB: Not exactly. The rules states that once a guy “practices” then he’s ineligible to be PUP’d but then it becomes a matter of interpretation. Does it mean once he catches a pass? Does a sit-up? Or does it mean when he dances around his locker in a jock to “Umbrella”?
Q: Was Armond Armstead’s retirement something you were preparing for ahead of time before he announced it or something you reacted to?
BB: Look, Armond was a great kid who had what you could call some bad luck. He was kind of like the guy in “Master and Commander” who jumped overboard holding a cannon ball because the crew thought he was a Jonah. Plus, there was a bizarre gardening accident that may have played a role. I don’t know.
Q: Do you like it better now the way it is – when guys come in they are fully ready to go, they’ve had an offseason?
BB: Well, if they didn’t have an offseason then the whole team would probably have to be IR’d, so……I’m not really sure where you’re going with that.
Q: When the rookies come in early, what happens during those couple days?
BB: Usually, we like to start off with “Cleat lacing for Dummies” closely followed by “STFU 101”.
Q: Cameron Fleming missed all the spring except for minicamp. How has he done cramming for everything he missed?
BB: You mean he missed OTAs? Well, we’ll take a long look to see if a kid that earned a degree in aeronautics and astronautics from Stanford can figure out what he’s supposed to do when we audible the line call.
Q: Rob Gronkowski has had a lot to overcome physically the last couple years. What have you seen from behind the scenes how he has worked to get himself back?
BB: I know that, in addition to his usual demanding workout schedule, he took a class in Hot Yoga and explained that it was to help his flexibility and core strength and also to “zoom on some tight honeys”.
Q: How pleased are you that he’s made it to this point to be practicing at the start of camp?
BB: Look……I know he had the knee and a lot of people are going to have questions about why we’d risk working him in camp when it would look better to PUP him in the hope that we save him for later in the year, the playoffs or whatever, but, unlike what people think, I really do let our medical team do their jobs and they say Rob is ready to go. Or “beast” to put it exactly. You ask if I’m pleased he’s back? My nipples are hard. Put it that way.
Q: When you have turnover at a position, like the secondary, is it more of a challenge to all those guys at that position to coordinate? Is it tough when you have that much turnover for them to work together?
BB: To use your example, no, not really. With Revis in the backfield it actually gets simpler as in “We don’t have to worry about their big guy anymore, so let’s split up the rest of their stiffs between us”. That beats "where are we going to hide Wilhite this week?".
Q: Are you concerned about what’s in the texts between you and Aaron Hernandez?
BB: Not a bit. The truth is that we were both hooked on Candy Crush and were just talking a little smack. No story there. I didn’t realize he was a serial killer at the time, so sue me.
Q: Is it something you routinely do with your players, texting back and forth?
BB: No, but sometimes I like to post selfies on Instagram if Linda bought me a really cute outfit.
Q: Do you approach your players differently now given what you know now?
BB: In the words of Aaron himself “haterz gon’ hate”. Beyond that I have no further comment.
BB: Good morning. Welcome to football season and another year of my thoughtful responses to your insightful questions. I promise two things to you all for 2014. One, I’m going to wear you all down to the point that when it comes time for another question your main thought is: “To hell with it. I’ll just sit here with my dick in my hand and hope somebody else walks the plank” and two, we’ll win at least 12 games and be there in the end fighting to try to win another Lombardi, because I chose to spend my time coaching and not playing grab-ass with you people.
Q: What can you say you truly know about the team right now as you start this part of the process?
BB: (clears throat and gargles sinus phlegm) What I truly know is that every year the deck is stacked a different way and, in essence, the game becomes finding your way through all the variables, the rules changes, the injuries, the schedule, the experiential arc of your guys and the evolution of strategies to somehow find a way to reach and motivate those players to get the absolute maximum out of whatever ability they possess. I know all of that and also that I finally have a stud corner that can throw a blanket over the other guy’s best weapon any time I feel the need.
Q: Is it too early to know the condition of the team? I know you mentioned you’re going to do some conditioning today but some guys have been in.
BB: Wait. I’m going to be doing some conditioning? Are you saying I’ve put on a few pounds? No, THEY’RE going to be doing some conditioning. I plan to watch them do that conditioning while I practice spinning my whistle.
Q: Is everybody here or accounted for?
BB: We’ll find out. You could have a guy calling in saying “I’m right around the corner. Be there in 5 minutes” and then he gets hit by a meteor.
Q: Guys still rolling in?
BB: Yeah, one of our guys was at a fishing camp in Canada and the float plane pilot had some kind of intestinal thing.....bad diarrhea or whatever. Something about some bad venison and he was too sick to fly. It’s not like we could send a clubhouse guy to pick him up. Something like that happens every summer, but we usually cut whoever it happens to, so…..
Q: Has Rob Gronkowski been here? Is a decision on him still to come in terms of PUP?
BB: He’s been here. It's kind of hard to miss him.
Q: Would it be accurate to say he won’t start camp on the PUP list?
BB: Yeah, he would be ineligible to do that. Either that or it would be semi-inadvisable. It’s a bit of a mystery to be honest. A riddle wrapped in an enigma.
Q: Because he’s been here?
BB: Not exactly. The rules states that once a guy “practices” then he’s ineligible to be PUP’d but then it becomes a matter of interpretation. Does it mean once he catches a pass? Does a sit-up? Or does it mean when he dances around his locker in a jock to “Umbrella”?
Q: Was Armond Armstead’s retirement something you were preparing for ahead of time before he announced it or something you reacted to?
BB: Look, Armond was a great kid who had what you could call some bad luck. He was kind of like the guy in “Master and Commander” who jumped overboard holding a cannon ball because the crew thought he was a Jonah. Plus, there was a bizarre gardening accident that may have played a role. I don’t know.
Q: Do you like it better now the way it is – when guys come in they are fully ready to go, they’ve had an offseason?
BB: Well, if they didn’t have an offseason then the whole team would probably have to be IR’d, so……I’m not really sure where you’re going with that.
Q: When the rookies come in early, what happens during those couple days?
BB: Usually, we like to start off with “Cleat lacing for Dummies” closely followed by “STFU 101”.
Q: Cameron Fleming missed all the spring except for minicamp. How has he done cramming for everything he missed?
BB: You mean he missed OTAs? Well, we’ll take a long look to see if a kid that earned a degree in aeronautics and astronautics from Stanford can figure out what he’s supposed to do when we audible the line call.
Q: Rob Gronkowski has had a lot to overcome physically the last couple years. What have you seen from behind the scenes how he has worked to get himself back?
BB: I know that, in addition to his usual demanding workout schedule, he took a class in Hot Yoga and explained that it was to help his flexibility and core strength and also to “zoom on some tight honeys”.
Q: How pleased are you that he’s made it to this point to be practicing at the start of camp?
BB: Look……I know he had the knee and a lot of people are going to have questions about why we’d risk working him in camp when it would look better to PUP him in the hope that we save him for later in the year, the playoffs or whatever, but, unlike what people think, I really do let our medical team do their jobs and they say Rob is ready to go. Or “beast” to put it exactly. You ask if I’m pleased he’s back? My nipples are hard. Put it that way.
Q: When you have turnover at a position, like the secondary, is it more of a challenge to all those guys at that position to coordinate? Is it tough when you have that much turnover for them to work together?
BB: To use your example, no, not really. With Revis in the backfield it actually gets simpler as in “We don’t have to worry about their big guy anymore, so let’s split up the rest of their stiffs between us”. That beats "where are we going to hide Wilhite this week?".
Q: Are you concerned about what’s in the texts between you and Aaron Hernandez?
BB: Not a bit. The truth is that we were both hooked on Candy Crush and were just talking a little smack. No story there. I didn’t realize he was a serial killer at the time, so sue me.
Q: Is it something you routinely do with your players, texting back and forth?
BB: No, but sometimes I like to post selfies on Instagram if Linda bought me a really cute outfit.
Q: Do you approach your players differently now given what you know now?
BB: In the words of Aaron himself “haterz gon’ hate”. Beyond that I have no further comment.
