Major Tom to Ground Control: Houston is Our Problem

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grog

grog

Chief Instigation Officer
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It's over. It was a nice season, but we are clearly doomed this week against Houston. They are far from a lone star team, with all pro's on both sides of the ball. Karma have mercy.

Our karma, who art from Houston,
Doomed be our game,
Thy sWatts be done,
Texans will run on our turf,
Or pass, at the expense of our defense.
Give us this day our weakly defense.
And forgive us our best passes,
As we allow Schaub to kick our asses.
And lead us not into the red zone,
But deliver us from the end zone.
For karma is the kingdoom,
The power and glory,
For down after down.
Amen.

Hail Houston, we are a disgrace,
Thy Welker is weak knee'd,
Blessed art Foster among gridmen,
and Johnsoned are the backs of our defense,
Texans.
Holey moley, our chances suck,
We are not winners,
now because of the globe writer's pen,
Doomed Men.
 
Let's see.....where do I start? I haven't done a karma all year but this situation screams for it.

You got Shank on their bulletin board, Andy Gresh crapping all over the entire state and a first game where we got every favorable bounce and even a long TD pass to Stallworth, which should tell us approximately how likely that is to ever occur again. To quote the Hooded One: "infintesimal".

The karmic aspects of this game are so bad it's unbelievable. It literally could not be worse and the Gods are angry.

What we've basically got here is a fight after school where the bully is over-confident because of a previous beatdown and his opponent has been driven to the point of mania because every kid in school has been reminding him constantly of what a pussy he was in the first fight.

That kid has learned that the pain of getting your face punched in isn't nearly as bad as the aftermath so you might as well go full retard and fight for your dignity and that kid has been pumping iron in his basement and dreaming of sweet revenge.

Bad. Very, very bad.

Full Retard Bulls 31
Shocked Bullies 17
 
The Jets lost the Patriots 45-3, only to come back and beat them in the playoffs. Therefore, the Texans do the same thing. Houston wins 30-23.
 
after Houston gets done with the Patriots....word escape me but this will be the collective asses of all involved

83.jpg


wide shut
 
On the first play of the game, JJ Watt strip sacks Brady. And by "strip sack", I mean "strips Brady's head from his shoulders". For the remainder of the game, JJ uses Brady's disembodied head to bat down Ryan Mallett passes at the line of scrimmage.

Then the game gets REALLY out of hand, as NE recievers continually trip over Brady's headless corpse - including Gronk who, after stumbling over it, breaks both arms and a hip - for the rest of the game, since the Texans refuse to allow it to be removed from the field of play. :sulk:
 
Ugh. Bulletin board material is so overrated. Will it be close? Not really. Will we score more points than last time? Probably. Im putting my money on the same score difference as last we played. Im putting all my $8.47 on it.
 
By losing this week we can draft no lower than 28 instead of 32. Could be the difference in drafting one really fat dt or just a fat dt. Could draft 26 if Atlanta and Denver lose.
 
Houston will annihilate us completely and totally. We will score below absolute zero in points and will lose so badly that the Pats will give up playing Football and Bob Kraft will turn Gillette into a massive Dunkin Donuts Emporium- the whole bloody thing.

Brady will officially become Giselle's, erm, dog and follow her around everywhere on a choke chain. Belichick will replace Tom Araya as Slayer's frontman (who, being a secret Pats fan, is so traumatised that he goes off to become a priest) and Vince Wilfork starts his new career in ballet.

Bad isn't the word for it, although I hope that this 100% serious, not at all joking, thread/post turn out to be wrong.
 
JJ Watt is going to tun into the Waterboy and suplex Brady like Captain Insano. Doomed.
 
DenverNative said:
OH but I'd hit that. :domORIGINAL:woohoo
Click to expand...

Would you please stop posting your bullshit in a serious thread? This is the KARMA THREAD, not another place for your to piss all over. We take this shit seriously, girl.

Jesus Christ

The Patriots are going to get steamrolled by the massive Houston beast machine.

Texans 62
Pats 7
 
JesusHChrist!!

Wtf??

Take it to a Doncos board. Or just somewhere.........else.
Posted via Mobile Device
 
I want to hit JJ watt too.... But alas it is not meant to be, we fanatics of the Patriots will be drunk & angry little people Sunday night.... On the ground in the fetal position, rocking and screaming like a great new englander, Nancy Kerigan, screaming in agony "WHY WHY WHY"
 
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