OT: Renegged on paying the tab for my lunch date yesterday. (long post)

[B A Rabbit]

Brilliant. Truly brilliant. How did you find that so fast?

Thank you for your praise, on both accounts. Just luckey I guess.

 

[FallingAlice]

Well, there lies the difference between us. I would have upset that he skipped out on the bill (the Dad in me) and I would have been upset that he left a young woman without a ride, but mortified? Nope. It takes two to tango and they were both wrong.

Now, talk to me about her behavior. You've let your feelings be known about the guy. Being female does not make one without faults.

I'm curious for your take on her behaivor?


...And UT, this thread is a healthy debate, no need to the lock.

I think Bideau's reading on her behavior is correct. She may well be an immature and unsophisticated young woman.

Those are the chances you take when you offer to treat someone to lunch.

Being an immature and unsophisticated young woman pales in comparison to running out on a check and failing to meet your promise.

And I'm sorry, but while she could use a lesson in manners, it's not as if she bought the house at No. 9 Park or Pigalle.

 

[Dirtywater]

I think Bideau's reading on her behavior is correct. She may well be an immature and unsophisticated young woman.

Those are the chances you take when you offer to treat someone to lunch.

Being an immature and unsophisticated young woman pales in comparison to running out on a check and failing to meet your promise.

And I'm sorry, but while she could use a lesson in manners, it's not as if she bought the house at No. 9 Park or Pigalle.

Cool, thanks!

Now if she was my daughter, I would have told her that if she was not interested in the hot-for-sex young man, that she should not take advantage of the situation by ordering so much because it todays day and age it could provoke some bad behavior (a lot worse than diching.)

I would have told her to simply act nice and get the date over with. And that she could call me anytime, no questions asked for a ride if she felt uncomfortable with his behavior.

 

[mikiemo83]

I And that she could call me anytime, no questions asked for a ride if she felt uncomfortable with his behavior.

best advice a parent can give their child in many different phases of life.

One thing to remember they will call as long as when they do call you don't flip out on them. Use it as a teaching tool the next morning without the "I told you so."

 

[mgoblue101415]

One of my best-friend's mother would always make sure we had at least $2 on us whenever we went out with guys, that way we could always call a cab if we felt uncomfortable or things started going badly.

Course, I'm not sure she was aware the cab fares have gone up a bit since her day.

Still, good advice. But make sure it's $20 and not $2.

 

[FallingAlice]

Alice, I respect you a lot, but you're way off base here. I don't have a demeaning attitude towards the opposite sex. What I do have is a pretty good idea of what kind of girl, in particular, our man Fusion went out with.

You don't need to listen to me. Just go back and read your own post describing women.

You, somehow, have pontificated some master plan that this girl had going into the date. Like she planned out the whole thing and got exactly what she wanted (less the $40 bill). I think that she initially tried to really be nice and make a good impression. Then she got a couple of stiff drinks in her and the true slut came out to play.

See Alice, there's always another point of view.

First of all, if you didn't see my "story" as a fictional, satirical send-up intended to disabuse good ole Fusion of some very naive attitudes about women, then you need to learn to read between the lines.

Second, if your scenario is correct, then Fusion looks even worse. Because maybe during the course of lunch he just succeeded in totally turning the woman off. I find her behavior far more irritating if she simply went out with the guy knowing that she didn't want to.

And yes, there is always another point of view. As Fusion just learned, much (as I imagine) to his chagrin and embarrassment on this thread.

Again...men who view and talk about women in the way that you and Fusion seem to are usually the dumb clucks who are attracted and attract those same women. This said, they usually fit your desired profile to a T and meet your expectations perfectly.

I personally know of no woman (young or old) who would behave the way this young woman behaved. But they're not generally attracted to men like Fusion.

A woman of much character will see and read his attitude a mile away and run like hell in the opposite direction.

We tend to seek and find water at our level. In Fusion's case, it's a low-level, indeed. That is probably the best thing I can say in his defense.

 

[PatsFanDan]

I'm pretty late to the party as well here, but here's my thoughts:

1) The girl is either an idiot or something else that I will refrain from calling her out of respect for the ladies on this board.

2) Factoid #1 was not a good enough reason to walk out on the tab. I have no problem if you want to end the date at that point but at least pay the friggin' tab. If this girl had no cash, then it's the restaurant and the wait staff that got screwed.

And a few other random thoughts from the thread...

Are there really women who will go out with a guy just because they are afraid to tell him they are not interested? Please ladies, don't waste both of our times.

Lastly, I would have no problem spending $30-40 on a woman in this situation if I was genuinely interested in her. Of course, I'm not living on a minimum wage salary and I don't know what the situation is here in Fusions case. The point being, if money is not an obstacle....what is the big deal?

And I called the girl an idiot because of that ex-boyfriend comment. If that was the truth, she should have lied. And if that was an excuse, she should have come up with something better.

 

[spiderman]

There were guys in the clubs how could have been wearing a tattoo across their forheads saying "I am a self-centered, concieted asshat who is only here to get in your pants", and said guys had women dripping off them.

On more than one occasion I was told I was just too nice.

It's true. Anytime I've acted overly nice towards women I've been rejected.

Anytime I've acted arrogant or aloof, the opposite has been the case.

For example, one time I gave a woman my business card and told her where I hang out on Saturday nights. My buddy thought it was the biggest dick move he'd ever seen and kept making fun of me for the rest of the night about how I'd totally insulted the woman.

Well sure enough Saturday afternoon she called, and drove about 30 minutes to meet me at the bar.

I'm not bragging just lending personal evidence towards Despot hypothesis.

 

[bideau]

best advice a parent can give their child in many different phases of life.

One thing to remember they will call as long as when they do call you don't flip out on them. Use it as a teaching tool the next morning without the "I told you so."

Except that doesn't work if your daughter is nearly 700 miles away.

Yes, I do worry. But my daughter has developed a pretty good a$$hole radar and she has plenty of friends at school who are just a phone call away.

 

[Dirtywater]

Except that doesn't work if your daughter is nearly 700 miles away.

Yes, I do worry. But my daughter has developed a pretty good a$$hole radar and she has plenty of friends at school who are just a phone call away.

Bideau,

It sounds to me that you raised a great, well-adjusted young woman. Though you can't be there to pick her up anymore, you gave her the tools to know what and how to do the right thing.

Kudos.

 

[dchester]

It's true. Anytime I've acted overly nice towards women I've been rejected.

Anytime I've acted arrogant or aloof, the opposite has been the case.

I think it's true that an awful lot of women are attracted to confident, dominent men (although a lot of those women are not compatible with that type of guy). But remember, not all women are attracted to a-holes, but you do need to have a certain amount of confidence to get into the game.

Another thing is, don't get too attracted to a girl too quickly (granted, that's easier said than done once the blood leaves the brain for "elsewhere"). Don't come on too strong (i.e. often times, a single rose is better than a dozen).

The key thing, is to make sure that you are both trying to make the budding relationship work, and if not, just move on and try again with someone else.
________
vaporizer manufacturer

 

[bideau]

Bideau,

It sounds to me that you raised a great, well-adjusted young woman. Though you can't be there to pick her up anymore, you gave her the tools to know what and how to do the right thing.

Kudos.

Thanks for the kind words, DW.

As parents, we all do the best we can to lay a solid, moral foundation. At some point, we have to trust that they've learned something and just cross our fingers. Ultimately, the final decisions rest with them and we hope that they learn from their inevitable mistakes.

How come we didn't listen to our parents when they used to say, "Wait until you're a parent someday, then you'll understand".

 

[Undertaker #59*]

...And UT, this thread is a healthy debate, no need to the lock.

So far, yes.

I go to lunch and I am 3 pages behind....jeez.

 

[FallingAlice]

Interesting thread, I wanted to respond to something slightly off topic but also in a way related.

I think it was Alice who said women would rather bed a gentleman than a pig. In my experience this may nat actually be the case.

Back in my club hopping days I noticed a phenomenon which to this day still don't understand.

There were guys in the clubs how could have been wearing a tattoo across their forheads saying "I am a self-centered, concieted asshat who is only here to get in your pants", and said guys had women dripping off them.

On more than one occasion I was told I was just too nice.

So, can any of our female posters enlighten me on this?

Interesting question. Here's my take.

I'm personally attracted to a man who has an "edge." I don't want to date Mr. Rogers. At the same time, I don't want to be leered at and seen as a screw-toy.

There is plenty of grey area between those two extremes.

A person who is overly accommodating can sometimes seem either week or smarmy and it's not attractive.

At the same time, I've met many gentlemen and ladies who have a strong sense of self, strong boundaries and are never overly accommodating. In fact, those qualities tend to go together.

They are always extremely attractive people. No matter their physical appearance.

 

[KenJr30]

I did not read all the posts but I'll drop my latest $.02 worth.

So my advice to fusion is what my mom always told me growing up. Expect nothing (in fusion's case:booty) and never be disappointed. I think Hawg hit it on the head, he should have paid the extra $35 and tried to get lucky with her at a later date. He is outta luck now! Just my thoughts.

 

[FallingAlice]

And maybe I don't have a problem with fusion walking out because I've known a few people who have done it. Some have paid for the entire bill and called it a night, but some have simply apologized, stated what a disaster the evening is, laid down their portion of the bill and walked out. Isn't it better to have a person do that rather than having that person attempt to slit their wrists with a butter knife in order to end the misery they're experiencing?

The scenario you desribe to me up there is different...really different... than what Fusion describes doing.

In fact, I have a whole lot of respect for someone who could be that forthright and then act accordingly. That's decent enough. It may be a little too bald-faced for some people, but it's honest.

What Fusion is describing is a man who expects sex for money, his disappointment over not getting what he wanted and how he behaved afterward.

 

[Spinal Tap]

Again...men who view and talk about women in the way that you and Fusion seem to are usually the dumb clucks who are attracted and attract those same women. This said, they usually fit your desired profile to a T and meet your expectations perfectly.

Well, there goes that respect thing I spoke of earlier. You don't know me from a f**king hole in the wall, so don't pretend to.

 

[B A Rabbit]

Some how I figure there has to be another side to the story. And since the young lady isn't here to defend herself, I'll state her side of the story.

It's only been a week since My Boyfriend got arrested for indecent assult. Today's his trail and his 2 daughter keep me up all night. I'm Tired and hungry, and want nothing more than to go back to bed, but I can't. I made a promise to this cute guy I met outside the Gym last week while changing a falt tire on my Geo Metro.
He talked so much I would have said anything to get rid of him just so I could get back on with my day.

Surfice it to say, All was not going well. I was surprized when he asked me what my favorite resturant was. and even more so when he again offered to pay. This guys a sap I told myself. Proberly only wants to get laid. Something I just don't have the time for nowadays. But if he wants to pay, Who am I to look a gift horse in the mouth.

We arrive at Red Lobster, and All I can think about is how I'm going to have to raise Yolanda and Vivian if my boyfriend gets convited.

By the time the waiter arrives all I can think about is throwing back a couple of stiff ones. I give him a meaningful look, But he seems more concerned with my cleavage then with me, so I order a frozen peach margarita with flavored salt around the rim. I don't even notice that all he orded was a coke.

Some how, It's nice to know that some people aren't as burderned by life as others.

I try and make small talk with this guy, but the more he yaks the more I realize He's only out for one thing. And I just ain't in the mood, suger.

When the waiter comes back, I enquire about several items on the menu, gaugeing my dates response. But he's still more preocipied with my bust and dosen't make a move, quiver, or raise an Eyebrow. Knowing how hungrey I was and knowing I still had two small mouths to feed after school, I ordered the quesadillas, a bowl of clam chowder and, the New England platter. I'm not really a dessert person, But that fried Cheesecake looked awfully good.

He gets the Aztec Chicken.

WTF?!??

Does this guy eat at these types of resturants all the time? I haen't been out to a place like this since before I met, D.J. QuadKiller. Yolanda's daddie
I decide to order another Margaritta to let him know what I'm all about.

I try and let him know what is going on with my life, But as the night goes on, He seems less and less Interested.

I Ask for box so I could take home my leftovers and I noticed his sigh and smirk. what a concerted Jerk this guy is turning out to be. If he had a probelm with what I was ordering, He should have let his feeling be known BEFORE I ordered it, Not after.

I have no idea what the bill came to, And as I Finish my second margarita he has become incredibly annoying to converse with. All semblance of normal, worthwhile conversation went where that Aztec Chicken will end up once they've travelled through this Dickwad's digestive system.

Then he gets really stupid and says: "I've had a great time with you. Perhaps you'd like to go to your place and spend some more time together, talking and getting to know each other," What nerve! I've known since this guy picked me up that all he wanted was to get inside my size 0 thong, BUT NOW he Suggests going back to MY place?!?!?

That was the last straw, "I have to pick up my ex-boyfriend from the court house in an hour. His Momma dropped him off, but I'm his only ride back." I lie.

Game over.


I figure this guy's out the door at this point. And I'm going to have do the same thing I did last time I went out for dinner. Cry until the manager lets me go.

I watch as he walks around back and gets in his car, and leaves and the tears start falling. Soon now my getaway will be complete, both literally and figuratively.

 

[Dirtywater]

The scenario you desribe to me up there is different...really different... than what Fusion describes doing.

In fact, I have a whole lot of respect for someone who could be that forthright and then act accordingly. That's decent enough. It may be a little too bald-faced for some people, but it's honest.

What Fusion is describing is a man who expects sex for money, his disappointment over not getting what he wanted and how he behaved afterward.

Ah, I think I now see the main difference. I read it as in "he is a young guy guy, and most guys are looking to get laid."

You read it as, "He wanted to trade the dinner for action."

Since he yet to post a follow up, I'll reserve judgement, but if it went down as you comprehended it, then yes, I don't agree with him.

That being said, 2 wrongs (his sexual assumptions and her I'll order the menu) don't make a right.

Anyway, good chat.

 

[Dirtywater]

Well, there goes that respect thing I spoke of earlier. You don't know me from a f**king hole in the wall, so don't pretend to.

I agree with your overall sentiment here, though without the harsh words. You can't judge someone completely because of a post in an online forum. There is a lot more to a person than how they felt when they typed 3 or 4 sentences.

Sometimes it is hard to convey your thoughts well too in a post.