"The IG IG/Jerry Thornton Thread"

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Box_O_Rocks said:
Sort of Thornton related:

Is it me, or are the actors from the DirecTV commercial featuring the Miami fan in Foxborough well-crafted caricatures of Hawg, Mikiemo, and OBF?
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My cousin is a Jets fan in Foxboro, who lives around the corner from the Access Road.

Needless to say, we don't talk to her during the season; especially since a vast majority of us worked at the old Sullivan Stadium at one time.
 
There is so much to laugh at in this one...hang on tight!

Random Observations from Pats Training Camp and the Falcons Game


A few ill informed opinions about last night’s Pats-Falcons fauxball game and the news out of training camp:

*There’s been so much going on in camp… positions up for grabs, rookies trying to make it, new veterans trying to fit into the scheme… just dozens of stories to talk about. But they all take a back seat to Wes Welker playing last night. It’s the “Michael Jackson Dies!!!” story of the 2010 Patriots, the one that knocks all the others off the front page. I spent the whole winter and spring trying to get the NFL to put Welker’s name on the 2011 Comeback POTY trophy, and for him to be playing in August of ’10 is nothing short of a miracle. Or science fiction. I’m officially starting the rumor that he was bitten by a radioactive spider.

*The other big story out of last night was the play of the tight ends, who combined dominated the game in a way we haven’t seen since Bledsoe-to-Coates. The rookies obviously, but don’t sleep on Alge Crumpler either, who’s stepping into this year’s role of “Veteran Blocking TE” (previously played by Kyle Brady, Chris Baker, etc.) like an accomplished actor taking over a part in “Law & Order.” On Fred Taylor’s TD run, Crumpler came out of the H-back spot, pulled, and threw a devastating block on the LB to create the hole.

*All the reports out of camp are that both rookie TEs have looked great, but they were invisible in the New Orleans game. Last night though you saw what the noise is about. They moved Aaron Hernandez all over the field like a chess piece. H-back. Slot. Split wide. The adjustment he made in the endzone to grab a pass that was behind him was insane. But my favorite play he made was on a 10 yard dig (the 5-route in the Air Coryell offense that Kellen Winslow ran) where he came out of his cut and made a great fingertip grab in stride. And as much as we’ve heard Gronkowski is your classic hand on the ground tight end, they split him wide on his TD and he ran right by his man on a perfect seam route. Between them, these two kids can create mismatches all over the field.

*And the most underreported aspect of these guys? Gronk is 21 and Hernandez is 20. I haven’t been this excited about two people that age since Denise Richards and Neve Campbell made out in “Wild Things.”
*Belichick was practically giddy after the joint practices against the Saints. Practices in which Drew Brees basically picked the Pats secondary apart like a Bloomin’ Onion. My guess is Belichick was happy to have the young guys exposed so they could get the work they need on their techniques. Anyway, in both fake games the play of the DBs is encouraging. Devin McCourty got a ton of reps last night and showed glimpses of being the kind of physical press corner they didn’t get when they drafted the ice dance team of Wheatley & Wilhite. McCourty never looked out of position, save for one play where he got inhaled by TE Michael Palmer, he was stout against the run. It’s early, but it’s encouraging.

*A sleeper name that’s emerged from camp is Kyle Arrington. The coaching staff has gone five miles out of their way to single him out for praise. He’s already locked up the gunner spot on returns and last night he performed a footballectomy on… some Falcon or other, with a devastating hit.

*You’ll always see mostly vanilla looks by the Pats in preseason. And I like to think Belichick is saving up a bunch of brilliant schemes for Week 1. Blitzes so well disguised that Tully Banta-Cain will pop up out of a trapdoor in the turf like the tiger in “Gladiator” and destroy Carson Palmer. But last night they tried a few blitzes with the first unit that worked. One forced a hot route throw the rookie WR wasn’t ready for, and the next chased Matt Ryan out of the pocket where he heaved it into the camera crew. With the Falcons backups out there, they lined Brandon Spikes up at the line and dropped him into coverage, something they’ve done a lot with Gary Guyton. Anyway, they’ve been a pretty sorry blitzing team the last couple of years so maybe they’re improving.

*My favorite look we’ve yet to see in gameplay involves Julian Edelman taking reps in the backfield as a pass blocker. So maybe they’re grooming him as a Kevin Faulk-type blocker/ check down option. It’s weird to think of a WR as a pass blocker, but no weirder than turning a career QB into a WR, so what the hell.

*OK, I lied. My favorite look they’ve tried is Vince Wilfork at QB. I just don’t have much hope we’ll get to see it.

*The Ty Warren injury is bad news, obviously. And the lesson we can all take from it is that when you’re a pro athlete, the offseason conditioning program is way more important than finishing your college degree. Stay out of school kids.

*That said, Gerard Warren has looked good. But neither he nor Damione Lewis have much experience in a two-gap like the Pats run, so hold onto your hats. So it was encouraging… OK, “shocking” might be a better word… to see Ron Brace making plays last night. He shot the gap to get a QB pressure and forced a fumble. Still he gets pushed around by one-on-one blocks sometimes like he’s wearing Heelies, but maybe there’s hope he’ll bring the Pats 2nd Round Pick Success Quotient up to 10%.

*Another great thing about McCourty is his kick returns have been solid. Someone asked Sam Aiken to name the guys who returned the kicks last year and he was like Antonio Cromartie trying to remember who he writes his child support checks to. Since Aiken was the special teams captain, that’s not a good sign. But hopefully the rookie will nail down that spot.

*After you turned on the Sox game or that 30 Rock repeat, Brandon Tate pulled off the Wikipedia definition of a “flash of brilliance.” He came back to the LOS for a ball, caught it, juked, head faked, zigged, zagged and did the Stanky Leg to pick up about 15 yards all on his own.

*Finally, the other major news out of camp is Brady is yelling at people, Derrick Burgess is back, Patrick Chung is looking like the starting strong safety, Belichick is taking more of a “hands on” approach than probably any coach in the NFL and Randy Moss is a goddamned unstoppable force of nature. And we’ve got one more fauxball game we can actually use to evaluate players before the annual Don’t Get Anyone Hurt Bowl.
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The "ice dance team of Wheatley and Wilhite" had me in hysterics. Great job, Jerry.
 
Box_O_Rocks said:
Sort of Thornton related:

Is it me, or are the actors from the DirecTV commercial featuring the Miami fan in Foxborough well-crafted caricatures of Hawg, Mikiemo, and OBF?
Click to expand...

I could only hope to be as cool as those guys, chief.

I can see why you picked me and mikie for the guys, but I think OBF is probably a lot younger and more attractive than the "moron" lady. Just the fact that she names herself Oldbagfan tells me that she is probably a still-sneaky-hot-cougar that is just trying to throw all the hounds off the trail so she can concentrate on football and be left alone. Pretty good strategy, I'd say.

She fooled everybody. Almost.

:fire:
 
....But they all take a back seat to Wes Welker playing last night. It’s the “Michael Jackson Dies!!!” story of the 2010 Patriots, the one that knocks all the others off the front page. I spent the whole winter and spring trying to get the NFL to put Welker’s name on the 2011 Comeback POTY trophy, and for him to be playing in August of ’10 is nothing short of a miracle.....
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Today's news that Dustin Pedroia was just put back on the disabled list left me with an uneasy feeling about Welker.

These 2 guys have always been kind of mirror images. Their attitude, toughness, approach to their respective games, etc. They both go all out all of the time, and play like they have something to prove.

It wouldn't surprise me if Pedroia pushed himself to come back too early to set an example for certain unnamed teammates who might not demonstrate the same level of dedication.

And as soon as he did return, he played with his normal 100% intensity. Because that's the only way he knows how to play. And immediately re-injured his foot going for the extra base.

I think Welker is also the type to do everything in his power to return as quickly as possible. Partly to set an example for his team mates. And also because he knows what can happen when a younger, cheaper player gets a shot to take his job while he recuperates. Especially if the replacement is as capable as Julian Edelman.
 
dropKickMurphy said:
Today's news that Dustin Pedroia was just put back on the disabled list left me with an uneasy feeling about Welker.

These 2 guys have always been kind of mirror images. Their attitude, toughness, approach to their respective games, etc. They both go all out all of the time, and play like they have something to prove.

It wouldn't surprise me if Pedroia pushed himself to come back too early to set an example for certain unnamed teammates who might not demonstrate the same level of dedication.

And as soon as he did return, he played with his normal 100% intensity. Because that's the only way he knows how to play. And immediately re-injured his foot going for the extra base.

I think Welker is also the type to do everything in his power to return as quickly as possible. Partly to set an example for his team mates. And also because he knows what can happen when a younger, cheaper player gets a shot to take his job while he recuperates. Especially if the replacement is as capable as Julian Edelman.
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I can definitely see some similarity. Thankfully NE has the luxury of not needing Welker to give a jolt for a stretch run as well as have much more attractive alternatives than the Sox have.

My hope is that they take it slow with him despite how good he looks now.
 
Hawg73 said:
I could only hope to be as cool as those guys, chief.

I can see why you picked me and mikie for the guys, but I think OBF is probably a lot younger and more attractive than the "moron" lady. Just the fact that she names herself Oldbagfan tells me that she is probably a still-sneaky-hot-cougar that is just trying to throw all the hounds off the trail so she can concentrate on football and be left alone. Pretty good strategy, I'd say.

She fooled everybody. Almost.

:fire:
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Oh I knew OBF is in her mid-30's, how she's the secret love child of William F. Buckley and Phyllis Schlafly, was fostered by Mr. & Mrs. Thomas Sowell, served two hitches in the Marines as an Intelligence Specialist and Balkan linguist, and is a Crime Analyst for the California Bureau of Criminal Investigations Drug Task Force ... but I promised not to out her. On the other hand I knew that actor pitching snow on the fishey's back door wasn't really you because there was no golf club or whiskey glass in his hand, but his homespun gruffness did remind me of Jerry's stories of the loving brother holding him down for the dog to lick his face (the more tenderhearted guy was clearly influenced by Mikiemo with the way he couldn't look at the fishey while being quick with an "oops" to protect the ring leader). :coffee:
 
PatsFanLisa said:
There is so much to laugh at in this one...hang on tight!
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And I like to think Belichick is saving up a bunch of brilliant schemes for Week 1. Blitzes so well disguised that Tully Banta-Cain will pop up out of a trapdoor in the turf like the tiger in “Gladiator” and destroy Carson Palmer.

This one totally cracked me up. I don't know if it was the image of a tiger eating a Bengal or the image of the mediots screaming about "trapdoorgate."

:LOL: ROFL :LOL: ROFL
 
Jerry's take on the 8/25 episode of Hard Knocks:

Should I Be Worried I Might Start Liking the Jets?
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You know, I can forgive HBO for many things. I can forgive them for the ending of the Sopranos. For running “Terminator: Salvation 24 hours a day. For almost destroying the once proud American prostitution industry with “Cathouse.” Or for editing “Curse of the Bambino” to make all the clever/ hilarious stuff I said sound like it came out of Mike O’Malley and Denis Leary instead. But there’s one thing I can’t forgive HBO for. Ever. And that’s for almost, practically, nearly, coming close to making me like the Jets with this season of “Hard Knocks.”

It’s terrifying to admit it, but I had a close call last night. A “Near Like” experience. I must confess, for all the chest thumping and woofing the Jets players and coaches have done in the last year in “Hard Knocks” Episode 3, they came off as damned near charming and something approaching lovable. Go figure.

Granted, this was the “Heart Strings” episode they roll out every season. It was all inspirational stories and heartbreak. You know how “Survivor” every year picks castaways that fall into their cliched little niches? Bubbly Cute Chick, Goofy Old Guy, Vacant Ab Model Kid, Masshole With the Thick Boston Accent, etc. “Hard Knocks” does the same thing. DII running back Dennis Woodhead is this year’s Inspirational Overachieving White Rudy Type. DB Brian Jackson is Cocky Rookie. Ropati Pitoitua is Kid You Root For Who Gets His Dream Crushed With a Tough Injury, and so on.

But this season has something the others haven’t had. A breakout side character who takes over the show. The “Hard Knocks” version of Fonzie. Or a non-nerdy Urkel. And that is Jets special teams coach Mike Westhoff. Apparently Rex Ryan predicted weeks ago that Westhoff would steal the spotlight and he has. He’s a football lifer. A gruff, profane old bastard who’s tougher than a Waffle House steak and who beat cancer so he’s not about to take any of your crap. A brutally honest, no nonsense lifelong assistant no team can do without. Like the sergeant in every army movie who walks through the battle barking orders while the shells land all around him. Last night Westhoff:

*Uttered the words: “”I don’t give a shit if you have the ****ing triple Asian flu! When we call ‘red’ you get your ass outside!” Brilliant.

*A minute later was encouraging/ teaching/ cajoling rookie TE Mathew Mulligan to do a better job blocking on kick returns and it was enough to make you want to drive block your Barcalounger through the drywall.

*And then provided the clubhouse leader for my favorite quote of the 2010 NFL season: “A year ago I’d have traded him for a night off.”

But it’s not just Westhoff being so cool we should give the name The Hoff exclusively to him. It was the whole squad. Rex Ryan talking normal for once… not playing the bombastic caricature of himself he’s created… about how hard it is for a team to break camp without losing their focus. The rookies putting on a (terrible) show for the veterans and naming Jackson “King Ugly.” The Jets beating Carolina in a preseason game 9-3 and Ryan calling it a “pillow fight” and so on. Anyway, it’s brilliant TV and when they downplay the douchebaggery and Antonio Cromartie goes the whole hour without impregnating anyone, it’s enough to make you not hate these guys. Almost.
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Westhoff is brutal.
 
Passing this along - Jerry will be on the Planet Mikey show tonight from 8-10 p.m. (Monday). It's always a fun time when he's on!!!!
 
And now for a rant about the Colts:

In the entire history of sports has there ever been a team that complained more than the 21st century Indianapolis Colts? As I’ve said before, I’m tempted to turn this into a regular feature here at the Stool. “What’s Putting Sand in the Colts’ Vagina This Week?” They bitch when they have to play outdoors in the cold. They whine when you jam their receivers off their routes and their GM get the rule rewritten to eliminate hitting. To turn this into the WNFL. The GM blames the offensive line for losing the Super Bowl. Manning screams at the officials in a preseason game for calling the snap infringement rule the way it’s written. Now they’ve got their panties in a bunch because the league has decided putting a 140lb geriatric in the middle of an NFL defense maybe isn’t the safest thing in the world and the Colts think it’s unfair to them. The change affects every team in football, but you don’t hear the other 31 saying a word about it. Only Indy because they are the ultimate Hot House Orchid team. Delicate little flowers that can’t survive unless conditions are perfect for them. I mean, is this why you couldn’t recover an onside kick in the Super Bowl or why you threw that awful pick-6? Because the umpire was in your eyes? Jesus H. Christ, Manning and Polian. Grow a set. Quit yer bitchin’. The truly greats don’t give a damn where the official is or how fast he puts the ball down. They line up and hit you in the sternum and make plays. If you need the umpire standing in a certain place in order to win, you don’t deserve to win. Man up and just play football, pussies.
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On Maroney and game 3 (from BSS not 'EEI.com)

What The Hell is Up With Maroney Not Playing?



I’m not about to fall into the trap of reading too much into the fact that the Patriots 1st unit pretty much got Mariottied by the worst team in football last night. Again, it’s fauxball. I wasn’t asking anyone to gas up the Duckboats after they beat the Saints. To draw any conclusions from the preseason means you think the Pats are better than the Super Bowl champs but worse than the last place Rams, which makes less sense than the Chewbacca defense.

That said, the main question coming out of last night is the status of Laurence Maroney. For the second straight game he never took a snap. And in the first fauxball game he ran with the 2nd stringers. Belichick was asked about it and he gave a long, specific answer which provided a lot of deep insight into the coaches’ thought process. Just kidding. He said “We never had the ball.”

I’m not suggesting there’s some huge crisis of confidence in LoMo, because I honestly have no idea. Belichick has repeatedly said he works hard, he’s doing everything that’s asked of him, yadda yadda. And frankly when I watch him run, I don’t see the same lack of effort he’s accused of on talk radio. That same “dancing” that insufferable gasbag Andy Gresh cites ad nauseum to me is a single back in a spread formation, running inside zones, waiting for seams to develop, then exploiting them. Which is what he’s supposed to be doing. What they call “hesitation” is what LoMo’s coaches are probably calling “patience.” But something is up here, isn’t it? We’ve only got a few possible explanations why Maroney’s uniform hasn’t needed a washing in two weeks, and here is my best guess as to each:

*They love the work he’s put in and feel like he doesn’t need the reps. Odds: 10-1.

*They feel he’s an underachiever with a bad attitude and they’re sending him a message to snap him out of it. Odds: 15-1.

*He’s injured and they’re not telling us because they don’t have to. Odds: 10-1.

*They love him, they feel like he’s the key to the season and they don’t want to wear him out with meaningless runs in preseason like the Rams did with Steven Jackson. Odds: 6-1.

*Kevin Faulk is in on passing/ draw plays. When they straight-up run the ball, they’re going with Green-Ellis and Morris because they need the reps more than Maroney. Odds: 4-1.

*They’re sitting him out just because they’re the Patriots coaching staff and their mysterious ways cannot be explained to us mere mortals with our primitive intellects. Odds: Even.

A few other random observations from a game I admittedly half watched:

*Last night they got away from bringing the corners up and getting their hands on the receivers. It was mostly soft, deep Cover-3s with Butler and McCourty playing 5 yards off the line. And even a newborn like Bradford knows where the gaps in coverage are, so he exploited them with 10 yard dig routes and underneath dumpoffs to the flat.

*McCourty stood out as a guy who took a huge step backward. I’d love to see the Pats get back to playing up, jamming guys at the line and throwing them off their routes.

*I loved Derrick Burgess. On the 1st St. Louis series, he got caught chasing the lead blocker into the line and Jackson burned him (and McCourty) to the outside. But other than that, Burgess set the edge well, forced some runs into the middle and finished off some tackles in pursuit.

*Brandon Spikes took a step back as well. He looked like he was a half step slower to react to the inside runs than he has been.

*Remember Asante Samuel’s fictional “Get Paid” tattoo? I’m getting a “Pay Randy Moss” tattoo by the end of this weekend. On my forehead if necessary.

*I was just starting to draw up a rough draft of my Ron Brace Apology blog when it was announced he’s having his ankle MRI’d today. Still, the kid is showing some sand in his pants he never has before. So I won’t delete the “I’m sorry, Ron” piece yet.

*If anyone is trading Boston Folk Hero Futures, put in a massive “Buy” order on Gronkowski. I haven’t seen a grown man drag another by the leg like that since ‘Zo pulled Jeff Van Gundy around Madison Square Garden. And James Laurnitis has about 200 lbs on Van Gundy. Gronk! Gronk! Gronk!
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:clap:
PatsFanLisa said:
And now for a rant about the Colts:
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In the entire history of sports has there ever been a team that complained more than the 21st century Indianapolis Colts? As I’ve said before, I’m tempted to turn this into a regular feature here at the Stool. “What’s Putting Sand in the Colts’ Vagina This Week?” They bitch when they have to play outdoors in the cold. They whine when you jam their receivers off their routes and their GM get the rule rewritten to eliminate hitting. To turn this into the WNFL. The GM blames the offensive line for losing the Super Bowl. Manning screams at the officials in a preseason game for calling the snap infringement rule the way it’s written. Now they’ve got their panties in a bunch because the league has decided putting a 140lb geriatric in the middle of an NFL defense maybe isn’t the safest thing in the world and the Colts think it’s unfair to them. The change affects every team in football, but you don’t hear the other 31 saying a word about it. Only Indy because they are the ultimate Hot House Orchid team. Delicate little flowers that can’t survive unless conditions are perfect for them. I mean, is this why you couldn’t recover an onside kick in the Super Bowl or why you threw that awful pick-6? Because the umpire was in your eyes? Jesus H. Christ, Manning and Polian. Grow a set. Quit yer bitchin’. The truly greats don’t give a damn where the official is or how fast he puts the ball down. They line up and hit you in the sternum and make plays. If you need the umpire standing in a certain place in order to win, you don’t deserve to win. Man up and just play football, pussies.
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Brilliant!!!! :rockon::clap::rockon::clap:
 
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