"The IG IG/Jerry Thornton Thread"

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PatsFanLisa said:
He's got so many blogs and articles that it got crazy posting separate threads. He needs his own thread with all of his stuff...for posterity.
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Agreed.

Destined for the classics :)
 
There is just one thing to say after reading an IGIG post.

AMEN
 
I want to thank everyone for this. Sincerely, it's an honor. I appreciate anyone having enough interest in what I've been trying to accomplish to create/ visit a thread with my name on the top. And of course I want to thank PFL in particular who's been as supportive as anyone.

It's been hard because I've got a day job, and things have been a little insane there so I'm trying to keep up with blogging, Twittering, doing stuff for WEEI and it's left very little time to be on the Planet. But I truly appreciate the fact that any of you guys take the time to pay attention to my nonsense. It feels a lot like that time a couple of years ago when I started getting emails and phone calls from Dan Pires, God rest his soul. Like maybe I've got a chance to put a dent in the Boston sports media market. I'll keep plugging.

And for what it's worth, I'll be Tweeting @jerrythornton1 from the afternoon session today (Saturday) starting at 3:45. The way I look at it, since the legitimate media isn't allowed to do so, the only live updates coming out of camp will be from the illegitimate sources, and that's me in a nutshell. It'll be just like Iran last year.

But again, thanks a million. Really. You guys are unbelievable.
 
ASSUMING THE POSITION: O-Line

Here's Jerry's latest blog on the O-line:

Positional Overview: One of the oldest, tried & true, Football 101 axioms is that the key to a good offensive line is continuity. Five guys, all thinking with one mind, working together, oars in the same boat pulling in the same direction, blahbitty blah. And the Patriots for the most part have achieved it. They’ve had the same starting five for four years now. Dante Scarnecchia has been coaching them since we were all still waiting for Alyssa Milano to hit the age of consent.

But for the first time in a while we’re looking at a potential major change along the line caused by Logan Mankins’ holdout. While the Pats have always put a major emphasis on finding backup O-linemen who can fill in at different spots, they’re trying something more drastic by moving Nick Kaczur from RT to LG to plug the hole left by Mankins. Don’t kid yourself; this isn’t like moving Jacoby Ellsbury from centerfield to left. This is a big deal. I can’t pretend to know the intricacies of the Pats blocking scheme, but in general the reads a tackle has to make are much more simple than a guy on the inside. Most line play involves some variation of the OIL system. You block the guy “on” you first. If there’s no one on you, you block the man to your “inside.” If there’s no one there, you’ve got the linebacker. So generally speaking, a tackle ends up taking on the outside man, regardless of what kind of defense your facing or whether it’s run or pass.

But once you get to the guards and center, the reads get more complicated. The principles of Big on Big (“BoB”) blocking call for five linemen to take on five potential rushers, with help from the backs if the defense sends extra bodies. And with the tackles taking the outside man, the three interior guys have to sort out the middle of the defensive front. Between them they’re responsible for taking on the two tackles and middle linebacker in a 4-3 or the nose and two backers in a 3-4. That means knowing who the Mike LB is, reading blitzes, knowing you and the guys next to you are going to do, and basically processing dozens of reads before the ball is even snapped. Mankins was/ is brilliant at it. He’s also a nasty, tough, feral maniac who hasn’t missed a game due to injury and he’s exactly the kind of guy you want anchoring your line. If Kaczur can step in and play anywhere near Mankins’ level until this situation is resolved, I’ll take back all the wiseassy things I said about him during that whole undercover Oxycontin bust a couple of years back.

Definite Starters: LT: Matt Light. C: Dan Koppen. RG: Stephen Neal

Probable Starters Until This Mankins Holdout Ends: LG: Kaczur. RT: Sebastian Vollmer.

Guy We’re All Most Interested in Watching Again: Vollmer. Seabass had one of the great rookie seasons of anybody at any position in the Belichick Era. He played both tackle spots and was a rock. He’s strong enough to dwarf toss the likes of Dwight Freeney and has the technique, moves and footwork to make Bruno Tonioli masturbate furiously under the desk.
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(pause to wipe the tears away from laughing at the DWTS Bruno reference)

Most Likely to Miss Time With Injuries: Neal. That’s not a knock. I’m not calling him JD Drew in shoulder pads. I love Neal. But he’s missed 22 games in the last four seasons. Just sayin’.

The Russ Hochstein Most Versatile Backup Award Winner: Dan Connolly. He’s the first off the bench at both the center and guard spots and started four games last year in place of Neal.

Project I’d Like to See More Of: Rich Ohrnberger. He’s another intriguing guy they’ve slotted to back up all along the interior but he barely played last year.

Massive Tackles Who Might Contribute and at Least Are Interesting Prospects: Mark LeVoir and Thomas Welch. LeVoir came off the PUP list last year and got some snaps, a lot of them as a 3rd TE. Welch came out of Vanderbilt in the 7th round and might fight for a spot on the practice squad. Both are 6-7 so they’ll be hard to miss.
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Highly unlikely LeVoir will be stuck in as a TE with Gronk around.

Guy Who Most Needs to Be Reasonable, Realize He Has No Leverage and Take the Top 4 Money He Was Offered and End This Mess: Mankins.
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What Is The Media's Beef With The Patriots?

What is the media's beef with the Patriots? Tue, 08/03/2010 - 11:17pm
By Jerry Thornton

”All right, but apart from the sanitation, medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh water system and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?”

“Brought peace?”

”Oh, peace! Pfft… SHUT UP!!!”

-Monty Python’s Life of Brian

I’ll begin with a hypothetical. Let’s say there’s a restaurant in your neighborhood that was never really very good. And at times it was awful. As in “How are they still in business?” and “Why hasn’t the Board of Health shut them down yet?” caliber awful. So bad in fact, at one point the place was rumored to be shutting down and moving operations out of state. And frankly not too many people were shedding a tear over it because the whole block they were on was a blight upon the neighborhood.

Now let’s say one loyal customer decides, over his wife’s objections, to buy the place. He even pledges to turn it into a five star restaurant and is summarily laughed at coast-to-coast. Early on things look dicey. He gets into a fight with his award-winning chef over who should pick out the groceries and the guy quits on him. So the owner brings in another chef who is in over his head and gets fired after three bad years.

So the owner brings in an old assistant chef to run the place. And soon this new guy turns the place around. He’s such a success he’s being compared to the all time great chefs like Escoffier or Boyardee. And suddenly that little failed restaurant is in the Michelin Guide as one of the greatest dining experiences ever. Soon the owner is doing well enough that he tears down the old place and puts up his own money to build a new, state-of-the-art restaurant in its place. And then, in the middle of a crippling recession, let’s say he gets all sorts of retail shops to move into the block from hotels and bars to places to buy shower curtains and places to buy hunting rifles and puts hundreds of people to work in the process.

You’d think that a man like that and the restaurant he owns would get a pretty good treatment in the press. That he’d be hailed as a visionary. A bold leader in the community. An unquestionable success story and someone to be admired.

You’d think that, and you’d be right in any other instance. But with respect to this metaphor, change the restaurant to the Patriots, the owner to Robert Kraft, the chef to Bill Belichick and the press to the miserable, angry, bitter, grudge-holding, misanthropic troglodytes who make up the Boston football media, and what you get is exactly the opposite..... (continued)
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Click here to read the rest. It's worth it.

http://www.weei.com/sports/boston/f...minihane/2010/08/03/what-medias-beef-patriots
 
Assuming The Position: WRs

The latest in Jerry's position blog:

Assuming the Positions at Patriots Training Camp: The Receivers


Positional Overview: OK, now we’re talking. Now we’re playing for keeps. There’s intrigue and story lines everywhere for this year’s Pats. But if all the positions were summer blockbusters, the receiving corps would be “Inception.” It’s got originality, interesting plots, big stars, interesting newcomers and we could end up seeing things we’ve never seen before.

The other day uber-Stoolie Soog asked me if I thought the problem with the Pats offense last year was that Brady’s favorite receiver stopped being “who’s ever open” and he instead started forcing the ball to Welker and Moss. And I told him I think he’s half right. That Brady started forcing the ball into Welker and Moss because they were the only ones who were open. The Pats tried to run the same spread attack they’d run in 2007, the problem was that splitting four guys out wide doesn’t work when only two of them have the QB’s confidence.

The Titanic-sized disaster that was Joey Galloway put the team in a hole they could never really dig out of. All they needed him to do was give them that Donte Stallworth presence on the outside. That deep threat who could maybe catch 40 balls but draw safety help and take pressure off of Moss. And he couldn’t even make it to Halloween before they left him at the dog track with a note pinned to his overcoat. They tried Sam Aiken in that same role and while he more or less knew where he was supposed to be on a given play, he also demonstrated he’s got the hands of a career special teamer, which is what he is. Ben Watson was what we thought he was: a guy who’ll make an impossible, web gem play, then revert back to his pizza paddle hands on a ball that hits him in the sternum, which is why the Pats didn’t even extend him a contract offer. Behind them, Julian Edelman was a revelation in limited playing time, and no one else did anything of note.

So the Pats are left to rebuild their receiving corps from the Welker/ Moss/ Edelman up. And it’s impossible to project who’ll be able to hack it and who won’t. The Pats’ passing scheme is a fingerpainty blend of the Air Coryell passing tree based on the deep route mixed with the West Coast emphasis on slants. According to a great piece last fall in ESPN the Mag, it has as many as 8 options on any given route with 8 options off each of those options. Brady sure as hell knows where you’re supposed to be, and if you can’t figure it out (helloooo, Galloway, Chad Jackson and Doug Gabriel. And goodbye! ) all the physical tools in the world won’t make you worth keeping around.

So which of the guys they’ve got in camp will be able to figure out the Pats’ spread offense is a matter of pure conjecture at this point. Add to the intrigue Welker’s health and the the receiving corps is THE best story on the team this year by far.

The Tight Ends: In the Belichick Epoch, the Pats have invested a lot in the TE spot, and for the most part they’ve turned out to be a lot of Enron shares. But still it’s hard not to be excited by the prospects of Rob Gronkowski and Aaron Hernandez. Gronk is your classic old school TE prototype. Big, powerful, quick, agile and hopefully a little nuts. They drafted Hernandez to take on that F-receiver role Coryell invented for Kellen Winslow, Sr. and more recently has superstars out of Dallas Clark and Antonio Gates. A guy you can split out wide, put in motion or run out of the H-back spot who can create coverage mismatches. If he pans out like they hope, Hernandez may have smoked the greatest bone in the history of the world.

Definite Starters at Wideout: Moss and Welker (whenever he’s ready.) Duh. And until Welker is ready, Edelman, who led the team in participation in the offseason program. I went to the afternoon session on Saturday, and I’m not exaggerating when I say that apart from his number, Edelman on the field is indistinguishable from Welker in every way. And if he’s 75% of Welker in games, then he could be the best non-Brady value pick in the Belichick era.

Most Likely 3rd WR: Brandon Tate. The book on Tate is that he would have been a 1st rounder if he hadn’t gotten injured his senior year. It’s inconclusive, but I did see him dismantle a couple of corners in passing drills the other day. Who knows?

Most Intriguing Rookie: Taylor Price. Again, who can say? But all the reports out of rookie camps were that he’s a heady, cerebral kid who seems to have a grasp on the offense. At least he made a mark for himself by carrying Moss’ pads when asked. If Price can have one more catch than Dez Bryant this year, then it will give hope to all mankind.

Guy Who Seems to Be Doing Things the Gallo-way: Torry Holt. I don’t want to harsh anyone’s mellow, but the early word out of practices is not good.

Camp Sleeper: Darnell Jenkins. The undrafted free agent out of Miami has looked like he belongs. And with Patrick Chung taking Aiken’s spot as the gunner on teams, Jenkins might even hook on at the bottom of the depth chart.
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Rodney Rips Brett a New One

By Jerry Thornton

Rodney Harrison Rips Brett Favre a New One



Christopher Price – Former Patriots defensive back Rodney Harrison ripped Brett Favre on Wednesday, saying the quarterback “loves the media attention” that comes with his annual decision about whether or not to return to the NFL for another season. Speaking on the Dan Patrick Show, Harrison, who has blasted Favre before, said he’s never understood the veteran quarterback, and added that “guys who really have class” like Tom Brady and Peyton Manning would never put their teammates through the drama. “You get to a point at 40 years old that you know exactly what you want to do — if you want to play football or not,” Harrison said. “And that’s why I’ve been critical of this guy. Because it’s so unfair to your teammates, it’s unfair to your coaches, it’s unfair to the city, the organization that you keep leaving people hung out to dry like that. I’ve never understood Brett Favre. I just think he loves the media attention. At 40 years old, you know if you want to grind through an 18-week season. If I was a teammate of his, I’d probably be a little ticked off he’s not in training camp.”

Sing it, brother Rodney! Amen! Testify! It’s taken five years and 237 phoney retirements, but we’ve finally found someone in the football media who’s willing to get up off his knees, take BrettFavre’s johnson out of their mouths and say what’s blatantly obvious to the rest of us. That The Ol’ Mississippi Riverboat Hamlet act this bumpkin pulls every year is not about his health, it’s not about how much he’s got left in the tank and it sure as hell isn’t about going back home and having a long talk over the dinner table with Deanna about whether it’s time to retire. It’s about his own pathological need to make news in August without having to do anything like actually going to training camp. And since Rodney didn’t add it, I will: It’s also about squeezing another $3 million, plus incentives, out of the Vikings who are big enough saps to let him get away with it. I heard the Vikings play by play guy on with Toucher & Rich this morning saying BrettFavre’s teammates don’t have any problem with the Gunslinger’s act and that justifies everything he does. But Rodney was the ultimate team guy and I’ll take his word on this over anybody’s.

And if you need any more proof that Harrison is the most honestly analyst around, PFT.com has this bit of rumpswabbery from Steve Marruci today saying that BrettFavre “hates” the attention:

“You know what he was doing yesterday? He was working in his yard,” Mariucci said. “He avoids the media as much as he possibly can. He could hold a press conference every day if he wanted to. People are always waiting for him outside his house, outside the high school where he does training and rehab there, and he avoids it.”

Right. He hates it. Just not enough to report to frigging practice and end it once and for all.
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Assuming The Position: RBs

Positional Overview: If there’s one thing we know for certain about the Patriots, it’s that they’re not afraid of having old running backs around. If they have a “type,” they like ‘em talented, with a good body of work, and near the end of the line. When it comes to the running game, the Pats are the NFL’s Catherine Zeta-Jones.

For the second consecutive year the Pats running committee will consist of Laurence Maroney, BenJarvus Green-Ellis and three guys carrying Jitterbug phones. In the entire NFL last year there were four RB’s over the age of 32. And Kevin Faulk, Fred Taylor and Sammy Morris were three of them. But before you get visions of them racing around end on Hoveround chairs, it’s important to know a couple of things about the Patriots running attack.

For openers, this isn’t the straight-ahead power running scheme they used with Corey Dillon or the Jets and Dolphins employ. Starting in ‘07 they started phasing in a zone blocking package. The linemen making lateral movements along the line, using leverage techniques and the D-linemen’s own momentum against them to move them away from the point of attack and create cutback lanes for the ballcarrier. The Pats deny that they’re a “pass first” offense and point to their run/pass balance, which is a good point. But it is fair to say that they run off of the pass. That’s the point of their single back alignments; they try to spread defenses out with four wide, create a numbers advantage in the tackle box and exploit it with stretch runs and inside and outside zones.

And obviously the key to the whole thing is Maroney. I know I’m part of a rapidly dwindling minority, but I’m a pro-LoMo loyalist. He’s no Chris Johnson home run hitter, I grant you. But I think for the most part he gets the yards that are there. I know we all like to kill him for doing Riverdance behind the LOS. But the zone scheme calls for the back to read the blocks and choose a cutback lane first. When I watch LoMo I get the feeling the thing we’re all calling “hesitation” the coaches are calling “patience.” Just a guess. Maroney was on the way to a pretty decent season with a TD in six straight games, until he started a streak of fumbling the ball, finishing with 4 on the year. That’s unacceptable, obviously. But since he only had one in his career prior to ‘09, I’ll assume he didn’t come down with a case of chronic Tikiosis and that he’ll clean that crap up. If he doesn’t he’ll be sitting behind all the guys with the AARP cards, fast.

Definite Starter: Maroney.

Short Yardage/ Two Back Set Back: Morris

Most Likely to Miss Time with Injuries: Taylor, Morris

RB Who Does Nothing But Produce Good Numbers with the Limited Chances He Gets: Green-Ellis

Who? Chris Taylor and Thomas Clayton. Two journeymen hoping for a practice squad slot.

Guy Who at His Patriots HoF Induction Will Slip Out of His Skin and Reveal That All Along He’s Been a Member of a Highly Evolved Alien Species With a Superhuman Ability to Pick Up 3rd Downs and Pass Block: Faulk
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Julian Edelman is a Star in the Making and Other Observations from the Pats-Saints Game

http://boston.barstoolsports.com/ra...other-observations-from-the-pats-saints-game/

I spent the last five days with My Irish Rose and the Heirs to My Dominion up in New Hampshire. We stayed in a friend’s chalet in the White Mountains, basically cut off from the world. The TV in the cottage has 20 channels, two of which are CSPAN, about five are QVC, and the rest are nothing news programs that focus on Maine politics and really homely weather chicks. Sure I brought internet access, but with the demands of a family vacation the only news I had time to glean was something about effeminate male stewardi declaring Jihad on their paying customers or something. That is until last night when, through some miracle, I managed to get the Patriots-Saints preseason game up there.

Look, I don’t have to be reminded it’s fake football. I’m not about to get all damp in the pants because “our 1’s beat the Super Bowl champs 1’s” or anything like that. Some of the worst preseaons ever produced great teams and vice versa. Nor will I get too excited about any individual performances. Show me someone who falls in love with a guy in preseason and I’ll show you someone who once owned a Michael Bishop jersey.

Having said that, there’s no harm in taking away impressions of a few guys based on what your eyes tell you in these games. And based on what I’ve seen in training camp and again last night, Julian Edelman is about to go beyond being just a good role player and become an all out phenomenon in this town. I mean, if it were possible to buy Julian Edelman Pink Jerseys futures right now, I’d put every dollar I have into them, he’s going to be that good. TV analysts and professional buffoons like Randy Cross like to compare Edelman to Wes Welker for the same reason three years ago they were comparing Welker to Wayne Chrebet. Because they’re ignorant douches who see a white receiver and think they’re all the same. But the Edelman/ Welker comparison is apt, and that’s about the highest praise you can give a Y-receiver in this league. He was among the hardest working participants in the Pats offseason program, and if he proves he can take the same punishment Welker has and stay healthy, Edelman has every chance to reach Troy Brown-level folk hero status.

A couple of other random observations from last night:

*If anything holds back Brandon Spikes, it won’t be his lack of understanding of the defense. Pause your DVR at the snap of the ball and you’ll see he’s almost always among the first taking off toward the ball.

*If they ever give out a preseason MVP trophy (and if someone will sponsor it you know the NFL will do it), they should name the trophy after BJGE. He’s football’s Mr. August. Though what it means to have Laurence Maroney running with the 2nd unit is anyone’s guess.

*I have to give Cross credit: He held out a full 3:01 of the game before he did a “Don’t Mess With the Zoltan” reference. I didn’t think he’d make it past the 1st minute. Nice show of willpower there, Rand.

*I got no handle whatsoever on Gronkowski. None. The only one of the new TEs I saw make an impact was Alge Crumpler. Mostly through his blitz pickup but also after a sequence of 3 straight throws by Hoyer to Aaron Hernandez went drop, incomplete, 2-yard catch, punt, I saw Crumpler get in the rookie’s ear which was good to see.

*Did the Boston station show the same Bob’s Furniture ad I saw? The one with Damione Lewis in it? What happened Bob? Did Brandon Deaderick and Kade Weston turn you down?

*A few kick returns by Devin McCourty like the one we saw and the radio guys will be taking back what they said about Belichick drafting him too high. Of course they won’t, but imagine it. It’s easy if you try.

*So far just purely in terms of shooting the gaps on passing downs, I like what I saw of Gerard Warren and Marques Murrell. But if I were Bob’s, I wouldn’t sign them to a deal just yet.

*Randy Moss screamed at the ref at one point. Assuming they saw that in Hempstead, it put $5 million more in up front money on the table for Darrelle Revis.
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Awesome...you've finally embraced it, Jerry.

CLICK THE LINK FOR HITS: http://www.weei.com/sports/boston/f...-i-learned-stop-worrying-and-love-brett-favre

How I learned to stop worrying and love Brett Favre Wed, 08/18/2010 - 12:51am
By Jerry Thornton

I may have said here before, I consider myself to be a guy with pretty conventional tastes. Like most Americans, I prefer my beer cold, my TV actresses hot, my sportstalk radio callers angry and stupid, and my mosques built a respectable distance away from Ground Zero.

But still, it happens occasionally where a matter comes along that finds me standing way outside the lines of popular opinion. Take the “Twilight” saga. Everybody loves these movies … except for me. Most of my friends and family are riveted by them, to the point that I’m nervous about a rash of divorces happening and couples realigning themselves along the Team Edward/Team Jacob factions. But honestly, I’ve seen one of these movies once, and all I remember thinking was that if I wanted to see boring, pasty-faced teenagers staring at each other in silence I’d go down to the mall and visit Hot Topic.

So it happens sometimes, even to Mr. Mainstream like me. There are times when I find myself going against the grain, walking into the wind, swimming against the tide or doing something metaphorical against some other allegorical thing.

And such a thing is Brett Favre.

In the last six years I’ve spent writing about football on the Internet, I’ve probably done a hundred or so jeering, sarcastic, critical pieces about the Ol’ Gunslinger. Which is about a 10:1 ratio of wiseassy columns-to-phony retirements, a record I think actually demonstrates amazing restraint on my part.

But the more I’ve written them, the more I’ve realized I’m way outside the conventional wisdom here. America has spoken. And while the American public doesn’t agree on much, we have made it clear we as a nation are in love with Brett Favre. The same Brett Favre that I’ve always considered to be nothing but a narcissistic, self-obsessed tool is looked upon as a national treasure by most of the country. And this is a fact I’m struggling to make peace with.

There’s an episode of VH1’s “Storytellers” where Bruce Springsteen talks about his only No. 1 hit, “Blinded by the Light.” But the hit wasn’t his, it was the cover version done by Manfred Mann in which they changed the lyrics “Cut loose like a deuce” to “Cut loose like a douche.” And as the Boss says, it wouldn’t have been his choice, but who is he to argue with the tastes of the American listening audience? And that’s how I feel about Brett Favre now. The public, the media, the rest of the NFL, Madison Avenue … they all love this self-promoting selfish buffoon. So who am I to say they’re wrong?

So I officially surrender. I’ve had it with trying to lead the loyal opposition to the Brett Favre Party. I’m throwing my full support being the Mississippi Riverboat Gambler and endorsing his candidacy as the most beloved athlete in all of sports.

And it actually feels good. The fight for me is over. Now I can relax and float along with the current of mainstream media opinion instead of killing myself like a salmon swimming upstream to spawn and then die.

Take Tuesday for example. The old Jerry would’ve railed against the ridiculous dog-and-pony show that was Favre’s teammates flying to Mississippi to talk their quarterback out of his latest phony retirement no one believed in the first place. I would’ve torn ESPN a new one for tracking their progress and showing us live the helicopter shots of his SUV driving back from the airport to rejoin the Vikings after he closed the curtain on his most recent performance of Bayou Hamlet.

But no more. From now on, I’m taking the easy way. The football media way. I followed the updates on the Brett Favre jet the way a kid watches the local news track the progress of Santa’s sleigh on Christmas Eve. Not because I’m buying his act, but because I don’t have the strength to fight it any longer.

A while back on D&C, Gerry Callahan was talking about how he always wondered what it would be like to live in North Korea. To have a Dear Leader who was above reproach and whom no one could question. Well we have one in America, and he’s currently leading the Minnesota Vikings.

I used to get frustrated with the hero worship Brett Favre got from the networks. For instance, the fact that he never gets called anything but Brett Favre, like its one word. As if referring to him as merely “Favre” would diminish him, like calling Superman “Man.” But I’ve learned to give myself over to it, willingly.

I used to dread the annual offseason faux retirement speculation. The teary press conferences. The wall-to-wall coverage of Brettfavre’s every move. The press leaks about how he played through some injury or another. The vague statements about not knowing what he’d do next. The reports about him getting some kind of surgery. The exclusive interviews where he’d say he’s going back to Mississippi to talk things over with Deanna to decide what to do next. The odd little stories that would come out about how Deanna has renewed her health club membership in Minneapolis for another year and he feels like he could play until he’s 50.

I used to, but I won’t any more. I’m throwing my arms around the whole bizarre Brettfavre assclown media circus and clutching it to my loving bosom. Remember how John Madden would fawn over Brettfavre every time he took a snap? Well compared to me, Mr. Tough Actin’ Tinactin is going to sound like Ron Borges tossing verbal grenades at Belichick. The Peter Kings, Jon Grudens, Phil Simms and Troy Aikmans of the world may genuflect in Brettfavre’s presence. But what I’m prepared to do is flat out hagiography.

Why? Because I’m sick of the fight and it’s just going to be much, much easier for me to capitulate. To say what the football press says. He’s not just a quarterback, he’s a football player. When Brettfavre puts his whole organization through this annual “Will He or Won’t He?” debacle? He loves the game. When he holds the Vikings over a barrel and makes them kick in an extra $3 million annually, plus incentives, to unretired? He’d play this game for free. When he shows up four weeks into training camp and into the starting QB job? He loves his teammates and he’s just one of the boys. And when he throws a gawdawful pick to cost his team a trip to the Super Bowl? Well, you’ve got to give him credit, he was just out there trying to make a play.

So I’m all in. I’m hopping on the Brettfavre Love Train and riding it until the day he finally hangs it up for good, if it ever happens. For as many fake retirements/unretirements he wants to give us, I’ll be along for them all, buying his act and worshiping the Ol’ Gunslinger every step of the way.

And when I say that, I’m ever bit as sincere as Brett Favre is.
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Antonio “Father of Our Country” Cromartie Tries to Remember His Kids’ Names on “Hard Knocks”

You’ve got to give Antonio Cromartie of the Jets a ton of credit. It’s got to be hard for him, coming to a new city on a different coast, joining a whole new team with a different coaching staff, using a different playbook with new nomenclature to learn. Plus on top of that having to keep straight the names and ages of his kids. You wonder how he has enough hours in the day to learn it all. If Cromartie was smart… and I think we’re all in agreement on that… he’d keep the names of his seven kids and six babymamas from five different states on one of those velcro forearm bands quarterbacks use. Still, it’s refreshing in this day and age to hear a pro athlete talk about the importance of being a father figure to your kids. Not a father necessarily, just a figure. Since AlCroTraz has had “at least” five paternity suits against him in the last three years, we can’t ask him to be Cliff Huxtable after all.

But this video points out a larger point about the Jets agreeing to be on “Hard Knocks” in the first place. Look, I love the show and I’m glad they’re doing it. But why would they? What do they get out of it? As often as not, putting these guys on camera just exposes them as imbeciles (Cromartie), lazy, underachieving draft busts (Vernon Gholtson), or bland, empty headed pretty boys (Mark Sanchez). And it’s not like I need any more excuses to hate Rex Ryan, but he comes off as a self-promoting assclown who spends every minute of the day aping for the camera. Or, as one Stool reader said, he’s Eric Cartman, an obnoxious fat kid who swears a lot because he think it sounds cool.

Physicist Werner Heisenberg created a principle known as the Observer Effect, which states than you can’t study a thing without affecting it. Whether that thing is a subatomic particle, a mechanical system or thermodynamics, it’s changed by your observation. And it’s true of a football team. You can’t bring a bunch of TV cameras into a training camp and not expect that it won’t hurt your team’s focus and preparation. It’s the same reason they don’t like to have cameras in a courtroom. Because when you do, 9 time out of 10 you’ll end up with the OJ Simpson circus trial. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it now. The press doesn’t like the way Bill Belichick is a tightass about how information comes out about his team. But every single thing the man does is for one purpose: to put his team in contention to win Super Bowls. How T-Rex Ryan thinks he can do that by talking to HBO about how much butter he puts on his pop-corn or letting his tomcattin’ defensive backs make asses of themselves is beyond me. But for all our sakes, I’m glad he does.
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Sort of Thornton related:

Is it me, or are the actors from the DirecTV commercial featuring the Miami fan in Foxborough well-crafted caricatures of Hawg, Mikiemo, and OBF?
 
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