Tomato Slaughter

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John Locke

John Locke

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So, I'm sitting on my couch minding my own business and this red thing in the kitchen screams for my attention. It's a damn tomato on my windowsill. WTF? One of my customers gave me some tomatoes from his garden and I put em in my fridge, Hell, I don't even like tomatoes.. But it was a nice gesture after a job well done, I suppose. But what the hell is it doing on my kitchen sink windowsill? What did it to to anyone to deserve dehydrating in the sun?

I got up and went to the window and to my horror there were 3, yes 3 of the fvckers there. 1 full size and 2 mini me's. The poor bastards must be looking at the big boy all envious and thinking "man, if I can just get off of this sill I might grow up and be a real tomato". What the hell is going on here? They are healthy as far as I can tell, not green anywhere. Why the hell would someone put perfectly good tomatoes in the sun to spoil?

Look at this. Oh, the horror!

So, I'm sitting on my couch minding my own business and this red thing in the kitchen screams for my attention. It's a damn tomato on my windowsill. WTF? One of my customers gave me some tomatoes from his garden and I put em in my fridge, Hell, I don't even like tomatoes.. But it was a nice gesture after a job well done, I suppose. But what the hell is it doing on my kitchen sink windowsill? What did it to to anyone to deserve dehydrating in the sun?



I got up and went to the window and to my horror there were 3 yes 3 of the ****ers there. 1 full size and 2 mini me's. The poor bastards must be looking at the big boy all envious and thinking "man, if I can just get off of this sill I might grow up and be a real tomato". What the hell is going on here? They are healthy as far as I can tell, not green anywhere. Why the hell would someone put perfectly good tomatoes in the sun to spoil?



Look at this. Oh, the horror!

Tomatoes.png
 
johnlocke said:
One of my customers gave me some tomatoes from his garden and I put em in my fridge,
Click to expand...



Tomatoes should NEVER go in the fridge. Ruins the flavor. Sit on a counter. Or a windowsill.

Cheers
 
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Slaughter the tomatoes into nice neat slices and add to a freshly cooked hamburger!
 
The red delights are holding up well. But I question how long they can take constant bombardment of that terrifying sun. Who would do this and why? Why in god's name would you torment innocent tomatoes? I'm losing faith in humanity by the day.
 
Annihilus said:
Here is a fabulous Tomato Butter recipe.
Click to expand...

Unfortunately I don't like tomatoes unless they're in a sauce. But good lookin' out. :)

---------- Post added at 02:17 PM ---------- Previous post was at 02:15 PM ----------

I think I'm gonna make a Bloody Mary. Give their little lives some purpose.
 
johnlocke said:
Unfortunately I don't like tomatoes unless they're in a sauce. But good lookin' out. :)

---------- Post added at 02:17 PM ---------- Previous post was at 02:15 PM ----------

I think I'm gonna make a Bloody Mary. Give their little lives some purpose.
Click to expand...

You could try to make Bloody Mary's on a stick with them.

Normally that calls for cherry tomatoes, but if you cut them into large chunks, it might work.

Here's a recipe that seems close to the way I've done it in the past.

Bloody Marys on a Stick

  • 1 quart boiling water
  • 2 dozen cherry tomatoes
  • freshly ground pepper
  • celery salt
  • ½ c vodka
  • ¼ to ½ t horseradish
  • 1 T Worcestershire sauce
  • Several dashes of sauce from chipotles in adobo or generous sprinkling of smoked chipotle powder
  • Squeeze of lemon juice

Slip skins of tomatoes by placing in boiling water for 30 seconds. Rinse the tomatoes under cool water in the sink, but don't cool them off with the water. The skins should slide off easily. Remove stem spot with a sharp knife. Place peeled tomatoes in a shallow bowl.

Sprinkle tomatoes with a dash of freshly ground black pepper and a generous sprinkling of celery salt. If you don't have celery salt, you can use kosher salt, but the flavor will be different.

Mix horseradish, Worcestershire and chipotle into vodka in a glass or measuring cup. Add a squeeze of lemon juice. If you happen to have a dark beer open, you can add a dash of it to give this dish a little more depth, literally and figuratively.

Pour the mixture over the tomatoes. Allow the tomatoes to marinate for a couple of hours at room temperature. Turn them in the liquid a few times to make sure that they marinade evenly. Cover and transfer to the refrigerator to chill prior to serving​
.

If you use chunk tomatoes, you won't have to blanche them to peel the skin.

Put the chunks on toothpicks before you marinate them.

I don't put the salt on the tomatoes at the start, but have a bowl to dip them in as you serve them,
 
Patriots4ever said:
I put apple butter on refrigerated tomatoes all the time
Click to expand...

And you can eat this stuff. Weird. :)

---------- Post added at 07:53 PM ---------- Previous post was at 07:53 PM ----------
O_P_T said:
You could try to make Bloody Mary's on a stick with them.

Normally that calls for cherry tomatoes, but if you cut them into large chunks, it might work.

Here's a recipe that seems close to the way I've done it in the past.

Bloody Marys on a Stick

  • 1 quart boiling water
  • 2 dozen cherry tomatoes
  • freshly ground pepper
  • celery salt
  • ½ c vodka
  • ¼ to ½ t horseradish
  • 1 T Worcestershire sauce
  • Several dashes of sauce from chipotles in adobo or generous sprinkling of smoked chipotle powder
  • Squeeze of lemon juice

Slip skins of tomatoes by placing in boiling water for 30 seconds. Rinse the tomatoes under cool water in the sink, but don't cool them off with the water. The skins should slide off easily. Remove stem spot with a sharp knife. Place peeled tomatoes in a shallow bowl.

Sprinkle tomatoes with a dash of freshly ground black pepper and a generous sprinkling of celery salt. If you don't have celery salt, you can use kosher salt, but the flavor will be different.

Mix horseradish, Worcestershire and chipotle into vodka in a glass or measuring cup. Add a squeeze of lemon juice. If you happen to have a dark beer open, you can add a dash of it to give this dish a little more depth, literally and figuratively.

Pour the mixture over the tomatoes. Allow the tomatoes to marinate for a couple of hours at room temperature. Turn them in the liquid a few times to make sure that they marinade evenly. Cover and transfer to the refrigerator to chill prior to serving​
.

If you use chunk tomatoes, you won't have to blanche them to peel the skin.

Put the chunks on toothpicks before you marinate them.

I don't put the salt on the tomatoes at the start, but have a bowl to dip them in as you serve them,
Click to expand...

+1 for the effort.
 
I have heard one decent suggestion. It had to do with bloody marys. So take the maters, an onion or 2, a few cloves of garlic, some green peppers and some green chilies. Grill them till they're all nice a charred. Put into a blender and blend into a juice. Strain it all out and mix the juice with horseradish. You now have grilled bloody mary mix. Pretty good stuff.
 
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