Why Your Team Sucks - Deadspin

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This about made me spit out my :coffee:

Once Romo hangs up his loosely fitting jersey for good, your backup options are Kellen Moore, seen here auditioning for the lead role in Simple Jack 2
 
This is so frigging good. On the Ravens:

The best part is that Harbaugh is still so bitter about the Patriots beating him with creative formations two years ago that he can’t let it go. First, he tried to use the same tactic against Arizona, only to have the officials (wrongly) deem it illegal. I swear the refs brought the play back just to see the look on that asshole’s face, and I don’t blame them.

And then, in the offseason, the team formally proposed that eligible linemen be forced to wear a ****ing pinnie out on the field. That’s how unwilling the Ravens are to take the L. It’s remarkable. In this way, Harbaugh is just like Ravens fans: spoiled brats who harbor the worst inferiority complex on the East Coast; a bunch of purple camo-clad buttholes who keep grudges for so long they have to bequeath them to their surviving loved ones. Their paranoia is a self-fulfilling prophecy because they bitch ENDLESSLY about everything, which in turn compels the rest of the world (officials included) to want them cold and dead in the ground. If I were officiating a Ravens game, I would trip Joe Flacco myself.

ROFLROFLROFL
 
One more from Ravens. LOL.

The existence of the Ravens is a wrong that will never be properly righted. The Browns are a comical mummy franchise, but the Ravens are a bunch of spoiled turds who win titles for a city that is most famous for letting cops use paddy wagons to play a real-life version of Mario Kart. If you need a clear sign that the world is a rotten place that isn’t worth fighting for, here you go. **** this team. You guys make the Steelers look like Pope Francis by comparison.
 
Mazz22 said:
This is so frigging good. On the Ravens:

The best part is that Harbaugh is still so bitter about the Patriots beating him with creative formations two years ago that he can’t let it go. First, he tried to use the same tactic against Arizona, only to have the officials (wrongly) deem it illegal. I swear the refs brought the play back just to see the look on that asshole’s face, and I don’t blame them.

And then, in the offseason, the team formally proposed that eligible linemen be forced to wear a ****ing pinnie out on the field. That’s how unwilling the Ravens are to take the L. It’s remarkable. In this way, Harbaugh is just like Ravens fans: spoiled brats who harbor the worst inferiority complex on the East Coast; a bunch of purple camo-clad buttholes who keep grudges for so long they have to bequeath them to their surviving loved ones. Their paranoia is a self-fulfilling prophecy because they bitch ENDLESSLY about everything, which in turn compels the rest of the world (officials included) to want them cold and dead in the ground. If I were officiating a Ravens game, I would trip Joe Flacco myself.

ROFLROFLROFL
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That part is phenomenal.
 
That Ravens one is gold.

The comments section was even funnier than the piece.

:thumb:

I don't think I hate any other team with quite the same enthusiasm I have for Batltimore.

John Harbaugh is the whiniest douchebag in the history of mankind and there can never be an adequate number of bad things happen to that team to suit me.

4-12. Book it.
 
Hawg73 said:
That Ravens one is gold.

The comments section was even funnier than the piece.

:thumb:

I don't think I hate any other team with quite the same enthusiasm I have for Batltimore.

John Harbaugh is the whiniest douchebag in the history of mankind and there can never be an adequate number of bad things happen to that team to suit me.

4-12. Book it.
Click to expand...

Concur. They are going to suck this year. Hard.
 
O.Z.O. said:
Concur. They are going to suck this year. Hard.
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Which is quite an accomplishment when you have the (former) highest paid ALL-ELITE TEAM quarterback. Everyone else has to double-suck to get that done.

Cheers, BostonTim
 
Hawg73 said:
That Ravens one is gold.

The comments section was even funnier than the piece.

:thumb:

I don't think I hate any other team with quite the same enthusiasm I have for Batltimore.

John Harbaugh is the whiniest douchebag in the history of mankind and there can never be an adequate number of bad things happen to that team to suit me.

4-12. Book it.
Click to expand...

I stand by my theory that the reason John is such a whiny douche is because his younger brother, Jim, beat him up his whole life. It adds up.
 
Hawg73 said:
I don't think I hate any other team with quite the same enthusiasm I have for Batltimore.

John Harbaugh is the whiniest douchebag in the history of mankind and there can never be an adequate number of bad things happen to that team to suit me.
Click to expand...
I concur. Loathe them and their filthy mayor approved riot-infused city.
I mean seriously, I think every fanbase in the NFL hates them.
What makes the harbaggery so vile is that BILL GOT HIM HIS MOTHER SCRATCHING JOB...and he can't even act like anything but a toddler in toilet training with diaper rash in his pull ups. EVER.
 
My hate is exponentially increased for these DG teams: Ravens, Clots, Jest, Mara and his Giants can fvck themselves, Jerrah and his Cowboys can eat multiple bags of salty dicks, McNair can wear a glory jacket whilst JJ Watt pounds him in the ass like Fed prison. Vincent brings in Phillie ties, but on the whole they've been silent so I'll tolerate them.

Have I forgotten anyone?
 
Anyone read the one on the Pats? I read it and couldn't stop laughing, it's the same old shit you hear every year and their biggest complaints are Pats fans. lol
 
The comments on the Ravens stuff are awesome. I wonder if they were made up, they were so good. Not that it makes it any less hilarious.
The winner
was at O’Hare Airport once for a layover and was in the bathroom washing my hands when a large man walks in. He was wearing a Ravens jersey that, I shit you not, said “Elite” on the back. I was wearing a Ravens shirt and he gives me that “Hey, you’re a fan of my team, you’re cool” nod, and then proceeds to immediately throw up in the sink next to me. He hurls multiple times for a good 15-20 seconds (stereotypical throw up sounds, it was disgusting) and then turns to me and says “Got a little too fvcked up last night” before laughing. He then proceeds to walk out (without rinsing his mouth or the sink out or anything!) like nothing happened.

Fvck this franchise and this fan base.
 
AkPatsFan said:
Anyone read the one on the Pats? I read it and couldn't stop laughing, it's the same old shit you hear every year and their biggest complaints are Pats fans. lol
Click to expand...

Yeah you guys always take a hit lol.

I'll guess for us it will be:

-andrew luck's appearance
-Jim Irsay's saying/doing silly/potentially life threatening things
-Midwest fat joke.
-offensive line.
 
PatriotInIndy said:
I stand by my theory that the reason John is such a whiny douche is because his younger brother, Jim, beat him up his whole life. It adds up.
Click to expand...

I don't know if you saw the 30 for 30 on them, but it was disgusting. I think both of them were genetically predisposed to being assholes via their old man's DNA.

He raised them to make your own rules as you go, cheat like hell and all the while complain loudly that the other guy is doing all the cheating, to win at all cost and when you can't pull that off then take your ball and go home. That any notions about fair competition between respected opponents is for suckers.

Then, of course, they all would yuck it up over the family dinner table and argue over who was the best-looking and smartest of all and each, predictably, got their own vote.

Total douchebags. Obnoxious assholes.

Belichick is so far into Johnny-Boy's head it is pathetic. By comparison, Rex Ryan is totally indifferent.
 
Hawg73 said:
I don't know if you saw the 30 for 30 on them, but it was disgusting. I think both of them were genetically predisposed to being assholes via their old man's DNA.

He raised them to make your own rules as you go, cheat like hell and all the while complain loudly that the other guy is doing all the cheating, to win at all cost and when you can't pull that off then take your ball and go home. That any notions about fair competition between respected opponents is for suckers.

Then, of course, they all would yuck it up over the family dinner table and argue over who was the best-looking and smartest of all and each, predictably, got their own vote.

Total douchebags. Obnoxious assholes.

Belichick is so far into Johnny-Boy's head it is pathetic. By comparison, Rex Ryan is totally indifferent.
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I did not see that. I don't watch anything on ESPN except live sports. Jim might be an asshole, but Michigan is good again so I'm happy. Better than freaking Rich Rodriguez or clueless Hoke running the show.

Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk
 
AkPatsFan said:
Anyone read the one on the Pats? I read it and couldn't stop laughing, it's the same old shit you hear every year and their biggest complaints are Pats fans. lol
Click to expand...
I read them all every year. That one is from last year, but it typically goes the same each year with the Pats.

Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk
 
Jaric said:
Yeah you guys always take a hit lol.

I'll guess for us it will be:

-andrew luck's appearance
-Jim Irsay's saying/doing silly/potentially life threatening things
-Midwest fat joke.
-offensive line.
Click to expand...
Don't forget the participation and worst play ever banners.

Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk
 
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