Help a brother out - the thread for dating tips

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Moose, first, be yourself. I agree with Beagle, tell her - but not let it be the first thing you talk about. I think that if she is really interested in developing a relationship it will not matter. Just because someone is divorced or about to be does not mean that they can't have a future meaningful, lasting relationship. I have (or had) older relatives who were divorced and then met and married someone else and were married 40+ years before heaven took one of them. If something is meant to be, it will happen. Have fun.

Gina
 
I 100% do not want to be dishonest and have been upfront with girls in the past.

For those saying tell her right away, which would be better? Text or on the first date (not right away)? We don't talk on the phone, so it might be really awkward to call her just for that.
 
mooseontheloose said:
Shit, really? Most of my friends have said the opposite. Not to discuss in great detail, but just to say something like: "hey, here's is my current situation. It's completely amicable and resolved, just waiting for the courts to issue documents. Ask questions if you like."

I think in other cases where the first date is one of the first times you really get to know the person, I could see waiting (unless the question comes up specifically). But right now I feel like the longer I go having these great conversations with her, the more I am deceiving her.

I'm just worried I'll scare her off (though my friends all say most women will be OK given my circumstances), and I don't want her to feel later like I misled her. Are you suggesting in a text/phone conversation after the first date or on a 2nd or 3rd or whatever date?

Thanks!
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OK my serious take on this is...

Tell her, I have been open about same stuff and it seems to work in my advantage. I doubt she will ask too many questions and if she does it is not the worst thing that could happen.

my not so serious take...

hey if on this date things get quiet -too serious, text her a joke or something you would from behind a computer to break that ice and follow it up with conversation. you can combine the on-line persona with the more serious real life one. now do it without her knowing but then tell her to check her phone. make it a little game between the two of you saying we got to serious for a moment.
 
mooseontheloose said:
I 100% do not want to be dishonest and have been upfront with girls in the past.

For those saying tell her right away, which would be better? Text or on the first date (not right away)? We don't talk on the phone, so it might be really awkward and call her just for that.
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in person as conversation develops let her know you want to be honest that you are single waiting for the court to finalize it and is has been over X months now since the split and you both have moved on dating other people.
 
I've never been in a situation where texting played a part in any kind of romantic situation since that didn't exist when I was dating a lot, but It seems to me that you are stressing over this needlessly.

Meet her and tell her in actual spoken words using appropriate eye contact that you are getting divorced and will be legally single in a few months. Be truthful and get it out of your system. I can't imagine she would freak as long as she trusts that you really have signed the documents and she isn't in a negative position by dating you.

An, btw, sounds like a potential connection. I hope it is for your sake, but one step at a time and spilling the beans should be one of the next steps.

Everybody has baggage. It's expected, I think. The key thing is whether that baggage is going to screw things up for a potential relationship and I can't see how your pending divorce qualifies, although that is her call, not mine.
 
mooseontheloose said:
I 100% do not want to be dishonest and have been upfront with girls in the past.

For those saying tell her right away, which would be better? Text or on the first date (not right away)? We don't talk on the phone, so it might be really awkward to call her just for that.
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Start talking on the phone then. Give her a call tell her you were thinking of her and wanted to talk with her rather than text. If you get conversation going and the time comes up tell her.

Edit I didn't finish before hitting send.

If it doesn't flow in a phone conversation I'd do it on the date. Show her the look in your eyes when you tell her so she can see the honesty.

The more I think of it the more I think you should tell her in person. Still a phone call is nice way to break into the date.
 
Hawg73 said:
I've never been in a situation where texting played a part in any kind of romantic situation since that didn't exist when I was dating a lot, but It seems to me that you are stressing over this needlessly.

Meet her and tell her in actual spoken words using appropriate eye contact that you are getting divorced and will be legally single in a few months. Be truthful and get it out of your system. I can't imagine she would freak as long as she trusts that you really have signed the documents and she isn't in a negative position by dating you.

An, btw, sounds like a potential connection. I hope it is for your sake, but one step at a time and spilling the beans should be one of the next steps.

Everybody has baggage. It's expected, I think. The key thing is whether that baggage is going to screw things up for a potential relationship and I can't see how your pending divorce qualifies, although that is her call, not mine.
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texting has changed the world, that and IM's, facebook, snapchat, instaorgasm..

it is so weird because where you would never expect a call with 4 minutes left in a close game I now get about 10 text. It is up to me to respond or ignore.

and it is dudes as much as chicks!! I also call one friend and nothing, never picks up but starts with the tests so instead of a minute conversation we text for 10 minutes covering the same crap. I don't get it.

as for dating, it is the "just checking in to say hi" shit that gets me the most... I get those when it is known I am with friends and not to be disturbed and I cut that number off the list. I get the once and a while interrupting text but you know I took the kids to movies and you text me!!!


I could really go off on this. and shut off location on your phone cause some psycho bitches can figure out where you are and walk in. I actually fear making plans on FB.
 
mikiemo83 said:
texting has changed the world, that and IM's, facebook, snapchat, instaorgasm..

it is so weird because where you would never expect a call with 4 minutes left in a close game I now get about 10 text. It is up to me to respond or ignore.

and it is dudes as much as chicks!! I also call one friend and nothing, never picks up but starts with the tests so instead of a minute conversation we text for 10 minutes covering the same crap. I don't get it.

as for dating, it is the "just checking in to say hi" shit that gets me the most... I get those when it is known I am with friends and not to be disturbed and I cut that number off the list. I get the once and a while interrupting text but you know I took the kids to movies and you text me!!!


I could really go off on this. and shut off location on your phone cause some psycho bitches can figure out where you are and walk in. I actually fear making plans on FB.
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Instaorgasm? Where did I miss this one at?
 
Yeah, I'm in Hawg's category.

I'm too old to have texted anyone for anything.

But, I agree that honesty is the best option.

If you're worried about putting her on the spot for that first "date", then leading out of the gate with it might be a good option.

If you do it low key, then you can be truthful and still minimize the burden on her.

I think it's a reasonable statement that you consider yourself "single" right now, and it's only the legal process that hasn't caught up with you.

Assuming that's true, then simply tell her that in so many words.
 
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