Anybody Know Any Good Jokes?

HSanders

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Speaking of aptly named places,
we used to have a company called "small tools" something. i always thought they probably had a tough time getting guys to wear their uniforms.
we also had a place called "deep hole specialists" every guy wanted to wear THAT uni!😄 unfortunately recently women there actually got so up in arms about the name, they had to change it, after decades. so silly and costly
 

OSUBuckeye

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Speaking of aptly named places,
we used to have a company called "small tools" something. i always thought they probably had a tough time getting guys to wear their uniforms.
we also had a place called "deep hole specialists" every guy wanted to wear THAT uni!😄 unfortunately recently women there actually got so up in arms about the name, they had to change it, after decades. so silly and costly
There is a company in Mentor called Climax & they make shaft collars.
 

Big/Sky/Fly

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Speaking of aptly named places,
we used to have a company called "small tools" something. i always thought they probably had a tough time getting guys to wear their uniforms.
we also had a place called "deep hole specialists" every guy wanted to wear THAT uni!😄 unfortunately recently women there actually got so up in arms about the name, they had to change it, after decades. so silly and costly
Those would be fun for porn parodies...
 

johnlocke

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A cowboy, who just moved to Montana from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud.
He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy,
"You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it.
It would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers.
One is in Arizona, the other is in Colorado.
When we all left our home in Texas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together.
So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way.
He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs.
All the regulars take notice and fall silent.
When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my
condolences on your loss."
The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.
"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains.
"It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."
“It hasn't affected my brothers though."
 

Big/Sky/Fly

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"Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair."​



Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair.
 

OSUBuckeye

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A Rich Man and a Poor Man sit down at a bar...​

“What’s in the box?” asks the Poor Man.
“A diamond necklace!” exclaimed the Rich Man, “a gift for my wife of 25 years.”
“Hey, I’m celebrating my 25th anniversary too”, says the Poor Man.
“Oh really, so what’d you get her?” asks the Rich Man.
“A pair of slippers”, he replied.
“Very good,” says the Rich Man, “but just in case my wife doesn’t like the necklace, I also got her a brand new Mercedes”, as he proudly flashed the keys.
“Uh huh. Well, I also got mine a dildo”, said the Poor Man.
“Oh my god, why would you get her that?!” asked the Rich Man, horrified.
The Poor Man said, “Because if MY wife doesn’t like the slippers, she can go fuck herself!”
 

BostonTim

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I grew up with Johnny Cash, Steve Jobs and Bob Hope.
Today? No Cash, no Jobs, no Hope
 

Big/Sky/Fly

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A Woman goes to the Optician

for her annual eye test. The Optician puts a contraption her face and asks her what can she see. "I see empty airports, I see empty football grounds. I see closed theatres, closed pubs and closed restaurants"

"That's perfect" says the Optician "You've got 2020 vision"
 

johnlocke

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A doctor and a lawyer were sharing drinks and conversation at a party.
"You know, I just can't enjoy these things anymore," the doctor says. "Every social event I go to someone wants to ask me about their symptoms and give them medical advice."
"Yeah that happens to me a lot," the lawyer replies. "What I do when they ask for legal advice is just give it to them. Then I send them a bill the next day."
"That's a great idea!" the doctor says. "I'm going to start doing that!"
The next day the doctor gets a bill in the mail
 

OSUBuckeye

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What’s the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa?​

Santa was smart enough to stop at three hos.

How does Santa stay STD free?​

He always wraps his package before shoving it down the chimney.
 
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