Etiquette party/ Food opinions needed

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BostonTeaDParty

BostonTeaDParty

Belichick for President
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Hi fellow Pats fans,, just wanted to pose this question/scenario and see what your opinions/experiences are.

I kind of caused some Family friction Friday, when my Sister in law showed up to pick up my niece from a Thanksgiving sleepover. We hosted Thanksgiving as we do every year, we provided the Turkey, Ham, and all the appetizers, and my Wife`s family brought beverages, some small dishes but not much in the way of food, just corn and bean caserole.

As far as I always thought, if you go to someones elses home for a party and bring something, you dont take it home with you,even if you bring your own dish, you take your dish but leave the food. Well my one sister in law has a habit of taking her stuff home, and she never offers to clean up after a party.

Well on friday when she came to pick up my niece, she made a B-line for my fridge, started opening up all the containers to see what was left(which wasnt much at all) and said she wanted to take some food home.I kind of let in to her and told that it wasnt proper etiquette to do what she does.

She asked me "what, you get to keep all the food"?Anyways, maybe I`m off base, but there wasnt even much left, and I like leftovers.The way I look at it is, we bought the bulk of the expensive stuff,prepared it, and have to do all the cleaning up afterwards for 12 guest.

Thoughts?
 
You also hosted her daughter for a sleep over, yes? I don't see that you did anything wrong here.
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Pyxis said:
You also hosted her daughter for a sleep over, yes? I don't see that you did anything wrong here.
Posted via Mobile Device
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Yes, my niece sleeps over fairly regular on some weekends/school vacations.

I also think you can bring food home if its offered, which my wife did the night before(thanksgiving day)but what my SIL did just set me off, like it was her house.anyways....There is kind of more to the story, she has crossed lines in regards to other topics over the years, and in general is a what can you do for me type of person if you know what I mean.
 
Host keeps leftovers, even more so if the groceries were bought by host.

Host may offer guests a "take-home" plate, but that is entirely discretionary.

Guest who bring dishware should pick up dishes at later date.
 
BostonTeaDParty said:
Hi fellow Pats fans,, just wanted to pose this question/scenario and see what your opinions/experiences are.

I kind of caused some Family friction Friday, when my Sister in law showed up to pick up my niece from a Thanksgiving sleepover. We hosted Thanksgiving as we do every year, we provided the Turkey, Ham, and all the appetizers, and my Wife`s family brought beverages, some small dishes but not much in the way of food, just corn and bean caserole.

As far as I always thought, if you go to someones elses home for a party and bring something, you dont take it home with you,even if you bring your own dish, you take your dish but leave the food. Well my one sister in law has a habit of taking her stuff home, and she never offers to clean up after a party.

Well on friday when she came to pick up my niece, she made a B-line for my fridge, started opening up all the containers to see what was left(which wasnt much at all) and said she wanted to take some food home.I kind of let in to her and told that it wasnt proper etiquette to do what she does.

She asked me "what, you get to keep all the food"?Anyways, maybe I`m off base, but there wasnt even much left, and I like leftovers.The way I look at it is, we bought the bulk of the expensive stuff,prepared it, and have to do all the cleaning up afterwards for 12 guest.

Thoughts?
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Dear BTDP,

Holidays are often a time of friction in families and it's a miracle that more people don't get hurt physically or emotionally just trying to enjoy a simple meal together. It seems every family group has at least one difficult person who has no problem mooching a gourmet meal but disappears come clean-up time. I see it as a by-product of the erosion of the family unit and the destruction of our society due to rudeness.

In your case, your patience has apparently worn thin with Ms. Mooch and I give you kudos for pointing out her egregious breach of etiquette when many other people would have suffered in stunned silence or perhaps even smashed her grabby hands with a meat tenderizer.

Mr. Manners feels that you were well within your rights to shoo the Mooch away from your frig and if it should occur again I would consider escalating straight into smash mode, despite the family donnybrook that will likely start.
 
Hawg73 said:
In your case, your patience has apparently worn thin with Ms. Mooch and I give you kudos for pointing out her egregious breach of etiquette when many other people would have suffered in stunned silence or perhaps even smashed her grabby hands with a meat tenderizer.
.
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Wow. Excellent paragraph Hawg.
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When we host something, the custom is that we leave whatever. Then my mother in law (who is regularly the host) will secretly pack a lot of goodies and run after us when we leave, begging us to bring home some food so we can munch the next day.

I would never just start packing stuff myself, but I have no problem accepting food from family!
 
Hawg73 said:
Dear BTDP,

Holidays are often a time of friction in families and it's a miracle that more people don't get hurt physically or emotionally just trying to enjoy a simple meal together. It seems every family group has at least one difficult person who has no problem mooching a gourmet meal but disappears come clean-up time. I see it as a by-product of the erosion of the family unit and the destruction of our society due to rudeness.

In your case, your patience has apparently worn thin with Ms. Mooch and I give you kudos for pointing out her egregious breach of etiquette when many other people would have suffered in stunned silence or perhaps even smashed her grabby hands with a meat tenderizer.

Mr. Manners feels that you were well within your rights to shoo the Mooch away from your frig and if it should occur again I would consider escalating straight into smash mode, despite the family donnybrook that will likely start.
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Adjusting verbage to Hawgillistrator.....


"Should have punched the bitch in the mouth!"
 
paperhanger said:
I agree, a bitch slap, well deserved ,would suffice! :stirpot:
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lol. The problem is, my Mother in law always let her and my Brother in law get away with dis-respect, so they don`t seem to know any better, but by the time your 40 years old, you should have learned a few things on your own.When I was dating my wife 20 years ago, she would take her clothes off in front of me(probably 16-17 years old) for attention I guess, so respect for her sister or others just often has not been there.

From what my Wife told me, my SIL went home, told her husband, I was in her face and looked like I was going to hit her, which is total BS, but she tends to live in her own fantasy world, Guess she felt I should have taken her aside instead of embarassing her in front of her 2 daughters,oh well, again thats the problem, people always let her get away with stuff cause they say" thats just how she is, what are you going to do"?

Anyways,For the most part, this is why I try to keep to myself more and more as the years go by, too many, attention whores, busy bodies and drama queens,
 
I cooked for 4 strangers onThanksgiving. That's how you avoid holiday drama bullshit.
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I looked this up in a Manners book at Barnes and Noble one year. You did nothing wrong. In fact bringing food to a dinner is supposed to be a gift for the host/hostess and it's up to if he/she wants to serve it. An exception would be a pot-luck where everyone contributes equally. I don't know how that gets handled afterwards though.
 
BradyLady12 said:
I looked this up in a Manners book at Barnes and Noble one year. You did nothing wrong. In fact bringing food to a dinner is supposed to be a gift for the host/hostess and it's up to here if he/she wants to serve it. An exception would be a pot-luck where everyone contributes equally. I don't know how that gets handled afterwards though.
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Common courtesy suggests that those that host something keep what they want. They are using their space and resources to host a party it would seem only fair. I for one encourage my guests to take ALL leftovers because I don't want party food leftover but no one has ever just taken like that BTP.
 
I'm pretty sure most of us don't need to go to the trouble of looking things up in a manners book written by someone who is meaningless and creates their own rules. Courtesy would suggest that nobody is ENTITLED to take anything or raid your fridge unless offered by the host.

If I'm getting up at 6:00 a.m. on a holiday and breaking my back all day to prepare foods, set a table, clean up, and put on a smiling face, I am the only one that's entitled to do what I want with the food. And I will plainly tell anyone that asks without my offering that I'm keeping the leftovers because I'm too damn tired after all of my preparation to cook for the next few days.
 
Is your sister-in-law good looking?

I'd put a padlock on the fridge, or tell her to stay the phuck out.
 
She took clothes off in front of you??? She wants you and told her husband as much in a stupor in the past and made up the sh!t about you getting in your face to make him jealous again...


Stud... You wear a bathrobe all day thanksgiving??
 
mikiemo83 said:
She took clothes off in front of you??? She wants you and told her husband as much in a stupor in the past and made up the sh!t about you getting in your face to make him jealous again...
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Maybe she needed to be basted:coffee:
 
um yeah it's odd for someone to b line to YOUR fridge and start rooting around I agree with everyone else here.
 
I looked several points up because some things were done differently here when I moved and I got curious about a few points when I saw the food gift points. Etiquette is cultural and they do vary in different parts of our own country and even changes over time. Emily Post and other's known for their work will also say this and they simply try to report on what is most common and what has changed. When it doubt, if it makes the other person uncomfortable or put out then it should not be done. B-line for the fridge is more obvious bad move. My kid's school also had some courses on manners too. Some people just don't know what to do and need to learn if somewhere. Looks like this sis-in-law could use it.
 
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