Marriage

[mikiemo83]

same her, we just knew, helps that if I sing I am certain to get some

met mid Oct. married following April, would have been Feb but my Mom got cancer and my wife treats it so we waited until Mom was all set

 

[oldbagfan]

helps that if I sing I am certain to get some

Cats operate on that same theory!

 

[mikiemo83]

Cats operate on that same theory!

thanks you calling me a .....?

 

[Jaric]

It all depends on the woman.

Bit of advice.

You have to live with this woman FOREVER. Say that again FOREVER. One more time FOREVER. Have you soiled yourself with fear yet? If not, you may have found the one.

Think about it long and hard. Because it's a choice you don't want to screw up.

I love my wife, and really could not imagine life without her. I knew about 6 months into the relationship she was the one, but we took it slow and lived together for a few years first.

I STRONGLY, STRONGLY, STRONGLY suggest living with someone first. If you have not killed each other 3 months in, you may have something.

Make sure you have the same goals. If she wants to start popping out children and you are wanting to wait 10 years before MAYBE having one, you need to work that out, or it will cause friction.

Also, the thing you will fight about most is money. The only time my wife and I seriously argue is over finances and we are reasonably well off (for two 27 year olds with a new morgate mind you)

Oh, say it one more time FOREVER.

 

[Bushy]

Also, the thing you will fight about most is money. The only time my wife and I seriously argue is over finances and we are reasonably well off (for two 27 year olds with a new morgate mind you)

Mrs. Bushy and I rarely argue about money and I think in large part it's due to how we worked things out. We both work and our paychecks go into our respective personal accounts. Then we both pay into a joint account from which we pay the household expenses (mortgage, food, bills, kids stuff, vacations, etc.). Since we earn roughly the same amount, we pay equally into the joint account, but we agreed that if one person's salary was every much greater than the other's we'd pay in proportionately.

This has worked out really well. It allows us to still each have our own money which we can spend it as we choose. I can splurge on a new fly rod without asking Mrs. B. She can buy yet another pair of shoes without me griping. If both of our incomes went into a single joint account I'm sure we'd argue all the time.

 

[mikiemo83]

Mrs. Bushy and I rarely argue about money and I think in large part it's due to how we worked things out. We both work and our paychecks go into our respective personal accounts. Then we both pay into a joint account from which we pay the household expenses (mortgage, food, bills, kids stuff, vacations, etc.). This has worked out really well. Since we each still have our own money, we can spend it as we choose. I can splurge on a new fly rod without asking Mrs. B. She can buy yet another pair of shoes without me griping. If both of our incomes went into a single joint account I'm sure we'd argue all the time.

same here

 

[taltos]

Yea, it sounds as if soccer balls were not the only balls hitting him in the head.

Teabags?

 

[HSanders]

Marriage goes to shit when people stop respecting each other.

TRUTH!
One bad marriage and a good one now.
Another thing to consider which was eloquently described by MGO is the LIKING the other person factor. There are days you will think I CANNOT STAND ONE MORE DAY OF HIS/HER DOING______, but if you marry a person you genuinely LIKE you can get through those days.
Also want to throw in, TRUST and treating each other with courtesy. Some people treat their spouses like an annoyance and downtalk them all the time, etc. Being married is NOT a license to fail to say "Please" and "Thank you" when your spouse does something nice, or for you to fail to say "I'm sorry" when you screw up (that corny ass 70's movie Love Story notwithstanding). It is not a license to fail to consider them when making plans for the two of you etc.
And a big thing is knowing when to SHUT THE HELL UP too. I have bitten my tongue many times and I am sure my husband has done the same thing. Just consider, is this thing I am uber-pissed about at this moment REALLY worth arguing about or is it really no big deal? Pick your battles wisely, padewan!

 

[Costanza]

TRUTH!
One bad marriage and a good one now.
Another thing to consider which was eloquently described by MGO is the LIKING the other person factor. There are days you will think I CANNOT STAND ONE MORE DAY OF HIS/HER DOING______, but if you marry a person you genuinely LIKE you can get through those days.
Also want to throw in, TRUST and treating each other with courtesy. Some people treat their spouses like an annoyance and downtalk them all the time, etc. Being married is NOT a license to fail to say "Please" and "Thank you" when your spouse does something nice, or for you to fail to say "I'm sorry" when you screw up (that corny ass 70's movie Love Story notwithstanding). It is not a license to fail to consider them when making plans for the two of you etc.
And a big thing is knowing when to SHUT THE HELL UP too. I have bitten my tongue many times and I am sure my husband has done the same thing. Just consider, is this thing I am uber-pissed about at this moment REALLY worth arguing about or is it really no big deal? Pick your battles wisely, padewan!

I could have not said it better!

 

[Costanza]

What's the point? For me it's a bond of comitment and trust that adds to my experience here on this journey. We have spawned two wonderful children from this experience and it has helped the two of us grow as a couple and as individuals. There is no doubt in my mind that I would not have climbed so far in life without her at my side.

That was really beautiful Canadian. wuv Not a lot of dudes think it's manly to declare their love like that. I say that's what being a real man is. Congrats on your lovely marriage .

 

[Wandering Athol]

And MPN.... If two people are together, whether they're married or living together happily, then really what's the difference when it comes to having kids? It's still a two parent home. Does it really make a difference on parenting if there isn't a piece of paper saying they're married? I do agree that a two parent home is better in the majority of cases, but whether they're married or simply living together really doesn't make a difference, IMO.

If you're just "living together" you better make sure your estate (including custody of your children) is well planned out, in case something awful happens to your partner.

Otherwise: bad things chica. Seen it: ain't pretty.

Secondly, stay-at-home parents put themselves at a lot of risk without that "piece of paper" should blissful relations eventually strain.

Originally posted by JD10367 on 10-18-2007
As for the argument, "Half of all marriages will end in divorce", my response would be, "Then half of all people getting married probably shouldn't be." I think too many people rush into it. I mean, really, how long does it take to get to know someone? I say a couple of years, at LEAST. People getting married after knowing each other for a month or two is just whacked, IMO. The way I look at it, someone can lie for a few months, but it's REALLY hard to lie for a few years, so eventually you'll figure out he/she is a cheat, a thief, an abuser, a drunk, etc,.. (or simply is a decent person but just isn't the right one for you).

I think you're ignoring the people who grow apart as time marches on. It happens, a lot. Sometimes it's inevitable, even if the early years were great.

 

[easycome_easygo]

I think marriage is overrated. I think some marriages end up in divorce because people are quick to get married too soon. You spend years with the same person who eventually ends up getting on your nerves on a daily basis. I think people grow apart and that is a big reason for divorce. People get bored with the same person. What do I know.... I've never been married.

ignore me

 

[patsfanroach]

You are waaaaaay too hard to ignore VYF!

I am newly engaged this sumer. I really hope that the rest of you can find that person with whom you can share that special bond with. That person who does get on your nerves but at the end of the day tht is part of what you love about them. I come from a rare thing. My parents have been married since they were 19. They even dated through high school. I have seen the rough times and the good times and the very good times of their relationship. I hope that my fiancee and I can have half the relationship that they have had.

 

[oldbagfan]

. My parents have been married since they were 19. They even dated through high school. I have seen the rough times and the good times and the very good times of their relationship. I hope that my fiancee and I can have half the relationship that they have had.

My parents were also married 50+ years before my Dad died. They were also one of those couples that got married pretty much instantly (3rd date) because he was going back to the war. Worked out for them. The point being, I feel blessed to have watched real people live real lives and work through real life problems together. One of the best things I learned from them in dealing with conflict (inevitable) was to argue about the ISSUE and keep the PERSONAL attacks out of it. I will never forget the first time a boyfriend called me an asshole. I just about plotzed! I had NEVER EVER NEVER EVER heard either of my parents say ONE ROTTEN WORD to each other in the course of many disputes over their years together. I think that was one of the big keys to their lifelong marriage: as has been said - RESPECT.

 

[bideau]

Every marriage is different. The high divorce rate doesn't mean crap to my marriage and or anyone else's. I don't define the success of my marriage based on statistics or the experience of others. I would not avoid marriage based on those statstics or experiences. The success of the marriage will be predicated on the committment of the couple to enjoy the goods times and manage the tough times.

There are genuine reasons for divorce. But there are many cases where the couple is just damned lazy and treats the marriage as an extended date. Bottom line, if you're not willing to make the effort and put in the work, don't get married.

Myself....25+ years and happier than I've ever been.

 

[mikiemo83]

Divorced parents and it was the best day of my life... life got "normal" for me. My mom never bad mouthed my Dad, he accepted he screwed up and they became friends again... while the always loved each other they just couldn't live together, picture James Dean and Doris Day married.


I also lucked out to have 8-9 year old brothers who accepted the role of being father figures and doing all the Dad stuff in addition to 4 older Male cousins from 4-9 years older 8 houses away and their strict Dad.... the village idea worked with me, I took many a beatings from the group for screwing up.


but from that I learned what it takes, I learned from their mistakes and while I ain't perfect, I never claimed to be and my wife understands and accepts that. And I with her if she had Faults (not sure if the hill has Eyes-I think they might). We were friends for years prior to becoming more

 

[Hawg73]

*P4E Waves his Fist At Caroline*

"Bitch,Dont Make Me Come Over there"

I think you two would make a luverly couple, yeah?

Any bird worth 'er left nostril piercin' would be barmy if she didn't ge' all warm and runny over the loikes o' you.

Le' us know when the bloody ceremony is goin' ta be, mate and Oi'll even wear me tux wi' the razor blade rips innit.

Ye can ge' 'er a doimand cli' piercin' fer a weddin' band, eh? Wot fun to show the in-laws. Then we can put the boots to 'em fer rootin' fer Chelsea, the wankers.

(P.S. apologies because I somehow wiped out your original post in quoting it here, P4. Nothing personal, just a mistake on my part)

 

[P4E]

I think you two would make a luverly couple, yeah?

Any bird worth 'er left nostril piercin' would be barmy if she didn't ge' all warm and runny over the loikes o' you.

Le' us know when the bloody ceremony is goin' ta be, mate and Oi'll even wear me tux wi' the razor blade rips innit.

Ye can ge' 'er a doimand cli' piercin' fer a weddin' band, eh? Wot fun to show the in-laws. Then we can put the boots to 'em fer rootin' fer Chelsea, the wankers.

(P.S. apologies because I somehow wiped out your original post in quoting it here, P4. Nothing personal, just a mistake on my part) [/B]

Thanks man

 

[TBrownslady]

My favorite subject! Well let's see having been engaged I will say I think alot of the times people tend to just settle for what they have.

I was young about 20 and engaged by 22. Luckily for me at 23 I said WTF am I doing and ended it. It was bad from the start and I am just happy that I ended it when I did. At that time I figured it was what I was supposed to do. Here was a guy that wanted to marry me and my family was ok with it so why not? At that time I THOUGHT he was my true love but I quickly grew out of that. I was scared to break up with him for many reasons one being I wasn't sure what if I would find anyone else. Anyway I got out and found myself again and grew from my experience. Point being I think alot of peopel get married for all the WRONG reasons. Now marriage is a touchy subject for me and the thought of being in that situation again scares the crap out of me but I won't make the same mistake twice! The dating scene is tough these days not too many great choices but as much as I won't admit of course I am still hopeful in the future and finding that someone.

Now while I don't think marriage is really all that important. If you are with someone you love then that's all that matters I don't think it's important that you get married. If you don't want to get married then don't it doesn't mean you love your partner any less IMO.

 

[Jaric]

Mrs. Bushy and I rarely argue about money and I think in large part it's due to how we worked things out. We both work and our paychecks go into our respective personal accounts. Then we both pay into a joint account from which we pay the household expenses (mortgage, food, bills, kids stuff, vacations, etc.). Since we earn roughly the same amount, we pay equally into the joint account, but we agreed that if one person's salary was every much greater than the other's we'd pay in proportionately.

This has worked out really well. It allows us to still each have our own money which we can spend it as we choose. I can splurge on a new fly rod without asking Mrs. B. She can buy yet another pair of shoes without me griping. If both of our incomes went into a single joint account I'm sure we'd argue all the time.

I should have clarified.

Most of the arguements Mrs Jaric has revolve around Mr Jaric buying things that we don't necessarily "need," but are really cool without getting permission first.