Family peace is overriden and overruled by my own self-centered need to feel better about a situation that sucks and to keep my own sanity. I don't think people that exhibit bad behavior should get away with it. And if you want to feel better about telling them off, you can tell them that you're saying this for their own benefit so others won't hate them as much as you do.
My story this Thanksgiving is that after spending my entire adult life sharing the holiday with my brother, SIL, niece, nephew and their spouses and children, along with my own, and suffering through judgmental crap and comments that they all know are my triggers for their own amusement, I decided to break tradition and have my own Thanksgiving, no family except my daughter and her husband, and a boatload of friends. It was spectacular! Football, friends, turkey, and absolutely no family crap. I truly was the black sheep that they always said I was.
I'm sure the rest of the family had a lovely Thanksgiving without me.
I'll tell ya what Lisa good for you. I'm nearing a similar decision.
My siblings are somewhat scattered. A brother in CT, not that far, and a sister in NYC. I have a brother locally also. My mom is very aged and especially the last 3 or 4 years it's increasingly hard to travel. For 25 years we[ve alternated Christmas time get togethers between me and the CT brother. The nearby brother has yet to host a holiday event ever, leaving it more to the others to bear the burden, and the expense and effort, of doing one of these shindigs. This is primarily due to his wife being a lazy bitch, and him not having the stones to stand up and do the right thing. The last few years the excuse has been that his house has no downstairs bathroom, and my Mom can't do stairs anymore, so there you go. No mention of the reason for the preceding 21 years of laziness and rudeness.
This year I said "screw this" and secretly decided to take my wife and kids on a cruise for Christmas, leaving the rest of 'em to pound sand and figure out what to do.
But then my wife, God bless her, points out that my Mom loves it more than anything else when we are all together with her, and she hasn't many Christmas's left, and the fact of the matter is that ours is the only house that can accomodate Mom in her fragile state. So.. we're doing Christmas.. again. It's for my Mom. But I swear, once my Mom passes someday... never again.. never.
Can't wait to hear the SIL comment "oh, your house is so clean and it looks great!"... No shit, bitch, we took two vacation days to clean it and shop and cook this freaking spread.... And you did what? Hit the liquor store on the way over?
Last year we emailed everyone and asked them to tell us what they could bring for food..of course no reply from this one. So the wife and daughter bake up a storm and do a bunch of pies.. and SIL shows up with.... an apple pie. Gee... thanks for the heads up.
She's not a mean or spiteful woman, just dumber than a box of hammers, and has no class. Oh well.
My other siblings and their spouses are the salt of the earth.. always helping and since they don't live near here, it ain't exactly easy to bring a dish but they always manage to do something. And they say thank you.
